For those of you who weren’t aware, the government has done away with the beloved food pyramid, and replaced it with a more simple visual guide for balancing your diet. It’s all for the sake of lowering obesity rates and making room for more people, so it’s something that should be adhered to. However, Holy Taco realizes that balancing your diet isn’t always easy or practical, so we’ve modified the U.S. Government’s advice and their latest visual aid to make it a little more easy to stick with.
ChooseMyPlate.gov, a site run by the Department of Agriculture. It offers a few points of advice for balancing one’s diet. We’ve laid those out here for you, then added our own advice that will make more sense to those of us who live in the real world. And by that, I mean, those of us who don’t have parents or significant others around to make sure we’re eating properly:
● Enjoy your food, but eat less. — Unless it’s really late at night and you’re drunk. Because sometimes the only way to fall asleep is to fill your belly with several cheeseburgers.
● Avoid oversized portions. — See above.
Foods to Increase
● Make half your plate fruits and vegetables. — If you can’t, don’t sweat it. Just steal a vitamin every day from your female roommate. (The prenatal ones won’t make you grow boobs, that’s just a myth.)
● Make at least half your grains whole grains. — I don’t even know what this means. Fruity Pebbles are probably made from whole grains, so just eat a shitload of those.
● Switch to fat-free or low-fat (1%) milk. — Or just drink whatever hasn’t expired.
Foods to Reduce
● Compare sodium in foods like soup, bread, and frozen meals ― and choose the foods with lower numbers. — Then add salt to those foods because that will make them taste better.
● Drink water instead of sugary drinks. — No.
And if your’e ever in doubt, just use our handy visual guide to make sure you’re eating a realistically balanced meal: