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Christie Brinkley To Kids: Daddy Likes Porno

When I was little my dad never tried to explain stuff to me by sugar coating it in baby talk. When our cat died when I was four because my brother ran over it, I asked him if the cat was in Heaven and he said “No. But not because he wasn’t a good cat, it’s just because there is no heaven.” Christie Brinkley apparently took a different approach when trying to explain her divorce to their dad. Usmagazine.com reports:

[Christie Brinkley] spared them the details on Cook’s affair with his teenage assistant and his $3,000-a-month porn habit.

“My first conversation was to reassure to the kids that everything was going to be fine, but mommy and daddy had a little argument and that we are going to have a little timeout.”

How can you pay 3,000 bucks for porno?  And I don’t mean “how” in the sense of “how could you do something so despicable,” I mean “how” in the sense “physically, where are you finding porno that costs you 3,000 dollars?”  Has he not heard of the internet?  In my entire porn watching life I’ve spent a total of 35 dollars; 20 on the Pam and Tommy Lee video and 15 dollars I gave to my brother to buy me a porno before he went away to college that ended up being a porno box cover, with a copy of A Few Good Men on the inside and a note that said “Thanks for the 15 bucks, loser.”

I think Christie should have used a children’s book to help explain to her kids daddy’s addiction.  Maybe something like this:

8 Responses to "Christie Brinkley To Kids: Daddy Likes Porno"

  1. Pratik says:

    I want to see this dude’s porn collection. It must be like a weird Willy Wonka factory, except there’s jizz and crusty sock puppets instead of chocolate fountains and Oompa Loompas.

    How low self-esteem do you have when you are banging the allegedly hot assistant and STILL have to crank out $3000 worth of porn per month?

    P.S. You never mentioned whether the teenage assistant is a guy or girl. Makes you wonder what kind of $3000/month porn he’s getting into.

  2. SkiBum says:

    Well I guess those kids just couldn’t handle the truth. My suggestion would be to gouge out their eyes and skull fuck em’.

  3. because says:

    Rich people actually sign up to those damn sites, free porn FTW

  4. poopyface says:

    meh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and indeed… i’ve never spent moneez on porn :P

  5. Black Dude says:

    If i had $3000 to spend on something, i wouldnt spend it on porn, id spend it on hookers.
    The real deal.

  6. Pfft nooob says:

    haha, now I see how these porn sites stay up, I never buy porn, just stream it, free as hell, works great – it’s the people like him that keep them up and going..

  7. Your Mother says:

    Your brother fucking rules

  8. Jason says:

    Man If I had Christie Brinkley, I would stretch her butthole
    all night long.