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Church Signs That Won’t Make You Go To Church

Driving across the rural parts of America you’ll undoubtedly notice the large number of churches that use their signs to try and draw people into their church with a joke or a pun or some good old fashioned fire and brimstone fear. The problem is, the comedy stylings of most church pastors is kind of like a combination of Yakov Smirnoff and Rush Limbaugh. You either get the world’s crappiest puns or some sort of evil, hate filled message that’s supposed to scare you into attending, or a totally awesome unintentional double entrendre. Either way, these signs are the only interesting thing to look at when you’re driving from Pennsylvania to Colorado.

Um, what?

Now there’s a well thought out marketing pitch.

OK, so maybe this one makes me want to go to church.


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206 Responses to "Church Signs That Won’t Make You Go To Church"

  1. spanky says:

    So it’s true. God DOES hate jews. Always wondered about that.

  2. Militantly Apathetic says:

    The first one is at the corner of Berwyn (5300N) and Ashland (1600W) in Chicago.

    I was just over by there for dinner lol.

  3. A. Theist says:

    I cannot respond to these- I do not exist…

  4. Gabe says:

    awww!! I love jews!!
    google may not have it all, but it satisfies my search! specially with the filters off!!!!

  5. an says:

    the church down the street from my house had a sign out front that said “pray for our troops” but someone took down the TR so it said “pray for our oops”

  6. Martin says:

    I live near the Dovercourt Baptist Church, and they always have punny, corny ones like that…

    The irony is that I find it to be one of the actually less community-involved churches in the area. That church isn’t even backwoods or redneck or anything, it’s actually in downtown Toronto, where most churches just post signs for sermon times in different languages and are usually holding interesting neighbourhood events other than for the purpose of hitting you over the head with the bible

  7. Violette says:

    The only church sign that ever made me think was “Seven days without prayer makes one weak.”

  8. Loki X says:

    I grew up Catholic and all I know is that my priest called a “Hellion” .

    I’m sure in California (La-la-land) they have ones that say: “Don’t be a ‘Speed Racer’ thru ‘sex in the city with your ‘Hand-cock’ or you’ll suffer thru a ‘Dark Night’ – ‘Get Smart’ with Jesus….so some such nonsense. You know someone’s going to try to do it.

  9. CapnCaveman says:

    Wow… some of those hateful signs are exactly why I think christianity is the worst religion of all. Well, not the religion itself, but the misguided church members who so brutally twisted the teachings of the very guy that they claim to follow. The way I see it, just worship in the way you want and let others do the same without shoving your nose into it. If you happened to choose the “right” one then you win, enjoy. Don’t worry about those who choose the “wrong” one, that just leaves better real estate for you in the afterlife (if you believe in one)

  10. Seraphim says:

    I am sure if those had been pictures of Mosque signs, muslims would be ready to kill people indiscriminately. On another note, those who read my post really need to get to know Jesus as he will return to get his people and in the twinkling of an eye, millions of people will disappear from Earth and go with Him to Heaven, and then I am sure Almighty God will have the world’s attention. Make no mistake God will not be mocked and those who don’t except Christ will live forever, just not in Heaven, but Hell. Every man has sin, but not every man has Christ to pay for his sins. There isn’t a single human being on this planet who hasn’t lied, stolen, cheated, had sex outside of marriage or cursed God as such is sin and all are guilty.

  11. brian says:

    Here is a much better picture of the
    from xmas 2006 in Seattle.


  12. who said Pratik is a dumbass says:

    Whoever wrote “Pratik is a dumbass”, I will find you and castrate you motherfuckeR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. Elaria Ravenot says:

    The best sign I ever saw was in Orlando, FL it said. “Sign broke, message inside on Sunday.”

  14. Jenna says:

    There’s a billboard on a main highway between Houston & Austin that reads: “Will the road your on lead you to me?” – Aside from poor grammar, the sign kinda frightens me, because I’m thinking, “God, I hope not!”

  15. WTF says:

    “I am sure if those had been pictures of Mosque signs, muslims would be ready to kill people indiscriminately.”

    So would Christians if they could get away with it. The only reason Christianity doesn’t behave the same way as Islam is because Christians tend to be located in Western countries that do not tolerate that sort of behavior. Make no mistake, if Christianity were in Iran, they would be doing the same exact things.

  16. Jacen says:

    Correct me if i’m wrong, but isn’t the sacred cow one an old saying telling us to question standing traditions? I want to see that church

  17. lenden says:

    I like the atheist one, except that I think God is an atheist.
    I mean, to have faith, you need to believe in something that you can’t prove is true.
    God can prove anything to be true, all powerful, right? So he doesn’t have faith.
    Now, speaking of all powerful, to be of any religion, you need to believe in a higher power, right? Well, since god is all powerful, there IS no higher power.
    Therefore, God is not religious, and has no faith.

    So GOD is an atheist.

  18. norm says:

    McCaine is not his brother’s keeper?

  19. dmhd says:

    Those crosses in the fourth picture look exactly like the chinese character for ‘middle’…

    Look here: http://www.zhongwen.com/cgi-bin/zipux2.cgi?b5=%A4%A4

  20. unpaste says:

    “Make no mistake, if Christianity were in Iran, they would be doing the same exact things.”

    You submit a rash hypothetical you have no way of guaranteeing. It’s a poor way to frame an argument. Christianity is the predominate religion in the United States and what have we for it? A plethora of relief organizations, the Salvation Army, Catholic and Protestant charities, food drives, foreign aid and missions. Where is the Muslim equivalent to such benevolence?

  21. Ben says:

    @WTF – Ummm, Christianity is in Iran, and all of the other Middle-eastern countries… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christians_in_Iran

  22. Mini Nig says:


  23. pushkar says:

    The ones about the sacred cow an the jews were really sick..
    i thought Americans were tolerant people…
    its really sad!!

  24. Brian says:

    The first time I saw the CH _ _ CH one, I didn’t see the UR right away, and the first thing that popped into my head was “Cheech? Like Cheech and Chong?”

  25. Mrs Tilton says:

    Mr. C,

    are you any relation to the false teacher Robert Tilton?

    Except in the sense that all descendants of the Most Recent Common Ancestor are related, I am morally certain that I am not.

  26. Mr. C says:

    Mrs Tilton,

    I have enjoyed your comments very much. You sound as if you are a very well spoken person. I am looking forward to reading up on who killed Christ. One thing that I believe is that Jesus is the only human that chose to die. I believe he had the power to live if he wanted but he chose to die according to his fathers will. He always lived in the perfect will of the father. If it were me I would have taken out the whole town in one big punch and left three or four standing for show. I believe he could have done it. So for that reason it really does not matter who did it. It was the death (separation from God)itself that made the atonement not the act of murder. On the third day He rose again according to the Scriptures? Any thoughts?

  27. jonas says:

    So, we look like God, right? He’s always portrayed in religious painting as so, and that “we are made in his image”, and he’s always referred to as a ,an, the Father, right? That means that God has a sex, even Jesus referred to him as his father, right? We’ll if he’s male and has a sex then he must have a penis. Doesn’t that mean the there is a Mrs God?

  28. Mrs Tilton says:

    Mr. C,

    My thoughts? I think those are all stories. Some to be sure might have some grain of historical truth behind them. (Was there an itinerant Essene-influenced rabbi* called Yeshua in 1st c. Roman Palestine? I’m sure there were quite a few. Did one of them end on a Roman cross? Probably; perhaps several did. The Romans were hard men.) But what believers make a big deal of are stories.

    Some of those stories are horrible, some are lovely; many are simply weird or quaint. Large stretches of the bible are literary wasteland, but many patches are literary marvels. (My faves? Ecclesiastes; about half of Job; life breathed back into the bones of the valley. As for the non-Hebrew bits, Paul had many atrocious notions, but could turn an occasional phrase with the best of them, or at least his Jacobean translators could.) But all in all, just stories.

    Did Jesus choose to die? If he could have escaped and elected not to, then I suppose he did. Don’t see how we’ll ever know, though. But lots of other people have chosen to die; I’ve known some of them. I believe that choice is frowned upon in your community, so you’re letting Jesus off lightly if you ask me.

    * One often hears Jesus referred to, by Christians and non-Christians alike, as a “rabbi”. But other than as an honorific form of address, I think reading that term in his day to mean what it means today is something of an anachronism, given that Jesus was dead a few hundred years before the Talmud, the foundation stone of rabbinic Judaism, was compiled. And ironically given his frequent criticism of the perushim (pharisees), Jesus was despite the ascetic Essene touches squarely withing the tradition of pharisaic Judaism. Jacob Neusner, a Jewish scholar, wrote a book about Jesus that might interest you.

  29. Mrs Tilton says:


    We’ll if he’s male and has a sex then he must have a penis. Doesn’t that mean the there is a Mrs God?

    ah, I see that you have independently discovered Mormon theology! Some of their stories are even cooler than the ones in the bible. But I suspect they’d work better in comic-book format.

  30. Monado says:

    I saw one in Northern Ontario the other day that said, “Sign broken: message inside.”
    I thought it was kind of cute. It was on a Christian Fellowship Assembly or some such so fairly Protestant.

  31. dell says:

    @god doesn’t exist –
    you say that the only way humans will truly evolve and find “peace” is if religion is removed. Sounds like Christoper Hitchins to me, but let me rebuttle that with saying this: Stalin and Hitler tried to do those things in their realm of power what happened? between the two almost 30 million dead. China has attempted to squash religion (christianity most furvently) and has killed a number estimated in the millions. Be careful when you say that mankind attempting to flush out religion will cause “peace”. If there is one constant in the world it is that there are always evil people, and evil people will always cause violence. The atheist regimes of stalin and Hitler caused more death than the crusades – which was over a much longer period of time. Yes Christianity has a bloody track record – one I wish did not exist, but it would be naive to believe that religion is the source of human evil; humans, whether religious or not, have a long history of malevolence.

    @Mrs. Tilton –
    I appreciate your reply to my question, I find it very interesting and insightful. What was it that made you decide to cease believing in the Christian faith?

  32. Mr. Tilton says:

    She opened her eyes to the wonders of the universe, went to her local science museum and decided superstition is for the ignorant.

    (Note: ignorance can be cured but stupidity is with you til you die.)

  33. Mr. C says:

    Well put Mrs. Tilton. I must say I need to do some homework before I match wits with the likes of you. You said you know other people who chose to die. My thinking is that they did not choose to die but rather they chose the time of their death. Jesus chose to die according to the Fathers will and rose again according to the Scriptures I might add…

  34. Mr C. says:

    To Mr. Tilton

    Is science a religion?

  35. Denis Loubet says:

    The Jews killed Jesus so the Christians wouldn’t have to.

    After all, no death, then no ressurection, and no salvation. The Christians are the only people with a vested interest in Jesus’ death.

    I, an atheist, would happily have rescued the guy from the cross if I was in a position to do so. Oddly enough, I can’t get a Christian to say he would have done the same thing.

  36. Another Ben says:

    //@WTF – Ummm, Christianity is in Iran, and all of the other Middle-eastern countriesâ?¦ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christians_in_Iran//

    Yeah, Christianity is in Iran … one Iranian person in 500 is a Christian … whooo!

  37. Another Ben says:

    @ Dell:

    Hilter was not an atheist. He was a Catholic. Ever read Mein Kampf?

  38. friendly neighbor says:

    go to bed Dennis, your drunk. You too another ben…

  39. dell says:

    @Another Ben
    I have indeed read it sir, and I have heard the claim that Hitler was a catholic. This would be simply implying that ones upbringing determines their life course. Because Hitler was raised a catholic does not mean that he was catholic in adulthood.
    ‘…the notion that the church either gave birth to Hitler or walked hand-in-hand with him as a partner is, simply, slander. Hitler himself knew better. “One is either a Christian or a German,” he said. “You can’t be both.” ‘

    From: Jadwiga Biskupska (Cornell University), “Hitler & Triumph of the Will: A Nazi Religion in the Catholic Style” in Undergraduate Quarterly, September/November 2004, page 147 (URL: http://www.undergradquarterly.com/EJournal/2004Q2/Biskupska.pdf):
    See also http://www.adherents.com/people/ph/Adolf_Hitler.html
    the above is a short article mentions nazi papers found during the nuremburg trials which detail Hitler’s hate for the Christian religion and his desire to wipe it out along with Judaism.

  40. Mr. C says:

    Mrs. Tilton

    I was thinking about the whole science thing and it brought up a few things that I have questions about.

    1) Where did matter come from?

    2) Where did the laws of the universe come from (gravity, inertia, etc.)?

    3) how did matter get so perfectly organized?

    4) Which evolved first (how and how long, did it work without the others)?

    a) The digestive system, the food to be digested, the appetite, the abiltity to find food and eat the food, the digestive juices, or the body’s resistance to it’s own digestive juice (stomach, intestines, etc.)?

    b) The immune system or the need for it?

    c)DNA or Rna to carry the DNa message?

    d) The drive to reproduce or the ability to reproduce?

    5) Is it possible that similarities in design between different animals prove a common creator instead of a common ancestor?

    Two quotes from Charles Darwin himself…

    1) “Alas, how frequent, how almost universal it is in an author to persuade himself of the truth of his own dagmas.”

    I for one will keep this in mind when when scientists proclaim the theory of evolution as “fact.”

    2) “To suppose that the eye could have formed by natural selection, seems, I freely confess, absurd in the highest degree”.

    Your comments please.

  41. Mr. C says:

    Well It is 10:40 pm here on the east coast. I have to get up at 5:00 am and alas I am off to bed to spend some time with my lovely bride of 11 years. She is as pretty as ever and I just can’t stand to spend another moment without her. I will be up bright and early @ 5:00 am for work and I eagerly wait to see what the cyber world has for me in the morning. Please sleep well and I will continue our friendly talks tomorrow. Did I mention I love my wife? She is awesome!!!

  42. dell says:

    Mrs. Tilton –
    I deeply thank-you for your heartfelt and sincere response. I wasn’t looking for a quick snark answer and I extend my gratitude for giving me more than that. I have always challenged and searched my beliefs(i honestly tried to convince myself that God didn’t exist, that the bible was a fairy tale). I ask myself almost every day “why do I believe what I do” I, like you, am a person who refuses to take what someone tells me as truth without being able to show it to me.

  43. dell says:

    furthermore – I apologize I accidentally submitted that above portion before I had finished.

    I do aplogize for the wording of my statement I thought for a few minutes about how to say cause i didn’t want it to sound like something, “made” or “caused” this as if you didn’t come to it on your own.
    For me, the deciding factor and something I cannot deny is the experience of the miraculous in my life. In the end I can argue all I want til I am blue in the face trying to “prove” christianity or what not; but, what I have learned is that it is impossible to “prove” God exists(remember Jesus’ words to Thomas, “you have seen and so you believe, blessed is he who believes and has not seen”) – which I know for many people immediately puts me in the realm of: idiot, moron, stupid, and even evil. But, what I have also found in life is that many things are impossible to “prove” beyond the shadow of a doubt.
    I have had experiences in my life – both personally and with friends and family – that make me unable to refuse that there is a God. Experiences in which science itself admits it cannot explain. I have personally experienced healing from asthme, I know a lady who had cancer in almost every cell in her body – today – before any treatment began, she is cancer free(literally overnight). Why do these things happen? As the bible demonstrates(even though many do not teach it this way) it is to prove that God exists.
    I am not saying all of this with any agenda that my words will somehow make you “see the light’ or anything. I just thought that your honest and sincere words as to why you believe what you do deserved an honest sincere answer back. I appreciate your civility in this, as many will write me off as ignorant and stupid because I believe in a God.

  44. Lyss says:

    Some are rather witty. And some are just plain scary.

  45. End this!! says:

    wow, this is endless!! There is no way of proving each other right or wrong!!! STOP ARGUING!! Each person will believe what they feel is most comfortable in their life! Stop forcing your religion onto others and start doing what your religion asks you to do!! be nice!!!

  46. This is why all American Christians must die.

  47. Andreas says:

    it’s kind of sad that church need to advertise in such a worldly way to attract church-goers. they try to use catchy words or use current hot topics as a lure. i believe churches should go back to the Bible, to God’s Words. IMHO churches should be the cornerstone pointing to the Bible.

  48. Mrs Tilton says:

    Mr. C,

    2) �To suppose that the eye could have formed by natural selection, seems, I freely confess, absurd in the highest degree�.

    Your comments please.

    My comment is that you are quote-mining like a madman. Now, it’s unlikely you’ve actually read Darwin. You are probably just cutting and pasting from creationist talking points. If so, you won’t be aware of the context in which Darwin wrote those words, or of how blatantly dishonest it is to present those words as evidence that Darwin didn’t think the eye crafted by natural selection.

    If you bring nothing but some chanting you got from the Discovery Institute or a fundamentalist tract, there’s no point having a discussion with you until you have learned a little about what you are trying to talk about. Start here. And while you’re there, check out the rest as well.

    (And if you do know what Darwin wrote in full and still use that sentence to argue what you’re arguing, then you are as a dishonest as the DI and fundamentalist tracts and there’s no point having a discussion with you, full stop.)

  49. paul says:

    Eddie van helsing or should I say mohammed achmed mehmet?
    Are you a muzzelman?
    A hatebeard?
    It looks like it. Only muslims have an unheathly urge to kill christiaans where ever they find them.

  50. Mrs Tilton says:

    [The comments box ate my earlier response, apparently because it contained two URLs. So here's the gist of it again, with no links.]

    Mr C.,

    Your comments please

    My comment is that you have done nothing but cut and paste a laundry list of creationist talking points; in particular, the bits at the end are egregious quote-mining, a much-loved technique among creationists.

    If you really think the quotation about the eye shows that Darwin didn’t think it the product of natural selection, then you obviously haven’t read the passage in question (which goes on for about three pages after that sentence, arguing that the eye is the product of selection and offering multiple examples and evidence) but are simply copying something you saw quote-mined in some fundie tract. If so, there’s no point talking with you until you have acquired at least a basic familiarity with what you think you’re talking about. Find talk.origins’ “Index of Creationist Claims” (the first URL in my earlier comment) and look for the bit about Darwin and that passage on the eye. And while you’re there, check out the rest of the Index (the second URL I’d given), which dispatches the rest of the talking points you’ve parrotted and many, many more besides. I’m sorry that this website’s parameters (or my own stupidity perhaps) keep me from being able to give you the URLs, but Google is your friend.

    And if you really do know the passage in question and yet still quote that first sentence to persuade people that Darwin thought what you claim he thought, then you are astonishingly dishonest and there is no point in talking with you, full stop. But without evidence that this is the case, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and conclude that you are the dupe of a quote-miner rather than a quote-miner yourself.

  51. Kozmonot says:

    While looking at these pictures, I couldn’t help remembering one I saw a few years ago in Minnesota. The Methodist Church in Crystal, MN was having a garage sale, and had those small, home made signs on the side of the road. They apparently ran out of room while writing with the markers and had to abbreviate, so the sign I saw read:

    “Garage sale – Saturday
    Crystal Meth. Church 9-5″

    –Either that or it was done intentionally to get a laugh, or get addicts to show up.

  52. Thalassa says:

    I love this site! great site and great webmaster. Thank you bye.
    I am from Iraq and also now teach English, please tell me right I wrote the following sentence: “Get all your travel done for less with cheaptickets.”

    ;-) Thanks in advance. Thalassa.

  53. Anonymous says:

    Heh, my favourite was: “Tsunami, Aids, War”

  54. Anonymous says:

    I think my absolute favorite is still a sign put up above a porn store in Farmington, New Mexico that reads, “Jesus is watching.”

    And then there’s the one in Albuquerque that reads, “Try Jesus. If you don’t like him, the devil will always take you back!”

    I wasn’t really all that enticed to enter that church…

  55. Anonymous says:

    I am not Christian, but you do realize that the creation of the world is still largely unknown. For instance, lets assume we evolved; however, if we did, where did the first cell come from? The theories regarding that question are still exactly that: theories. And even those theories require some kind of matter to have existed before hand. Where did that matter come from? I’m not a scientist so I’ll just stick to that argument and not go any further, but there are still a number of great arguments made by legitamate (non-christian I might add) scientists, suggesting that evolution is highly unlikely as well. Hate to break it to you A-Ron, but it seems the more we find out, the more we realize we do not know, leaving plenty of room for belief in a God. A strict adherence to atheism takes as much of a leap of faith as a strict adherence to the belief in a Christian God. Don’t kid yourself.

  56. bobnomanyous says:

    i got a picture of one that says:

    you can pray for the harvest
    but you still gotta hoe

  57. ryuho says:

    i lol @ people who doesn’t know the existance of church sign generators

  58. hfy says:


  59. Anonymous says:

    all in all most of these if not all of them have most probably been made online as a joke, they are not here to be offensive in any way else the website would not have posted them so there for weather your huge debate is a good one or not your all debating over a bunch of pictures that most probably have been faked online

    just like religion, its up to you weather you beleive me or not

  60. Anonymous says:

    I am not Christian, but you do realize that the creation of the world is still largely unknown. For instance, lets assume we evolved; however, if we did, where did the first cell come from? The theories regarding that question are still exactly that: theories. And even those theories require some kind of matter to have existed before hand. Where did that matter come from? I’m not a scientist so I’ll just stick to that argument and not go any further, but there are still a number of great arguments made by legitamate (non-christian I might add) scientists, suggesting that evolution is highly unlikely as well. Hate to break it to you A-Ron, but it seems the more we find out, the more we realize we do not know, leaving plenty of room for belief in a God. A strict adherence to atheism takes as much of a leap of faith as a strict adherence to the belief in a Christian God. Don’t kid yourself.

  61. Anonymous says:

    And the greatest commandment is this, “Love one another, as I have loved you.”
    That means everyone. You don’t have to agree with someone but you still need to show them respect. Hear people out, listen to them, try to understand their point of view. Hug them, pray for their welfare…. Try not to be so defensive, hear people out. Your spirit is something between yourself and God spend the time with him and he’ll work the rest out.

  62. most of it are actually funny. and sinful coming from the church

  63. A-Ron says:

    lol religion..

    Why can’t people see this as an excuse for people to think how the universe was created? Sure it worked 5000 years ago with people worshiping a giant glowing ball in the sky, but we’ve evolved. We know where we come from, how the universe came to be and how long it took to get there (14 billion years as opposed to seven days). Face it, religion only fuels wars and hate and fattens the pockets of those damn TV evangelists.

  64. Mr. C says:

    Mrs. Tilton

    I have never seen the passage in question. A friend sent that quote to me a while back and I pulled it out. I did not realize there was a passage that it was pulled from quite honestly so for that, please excuse me.

    I thought it was interesting though. I wasn’t really trying to persude you into anything. I just thought I would throw the quote out, that’s all.

    The questions that I asked are just that, questions. They are not really intended to change your mind but rather they are to get one thinking about things. No matter what anyone thinks or believes, I still think they are valid questions worth asking. By the way, I got them from the Evidence Bible from Ray Comfort. He Inserted pages that have info that sort of follow along with the Bible.

    I did not mean to offend you.

    From this point forward…

    “For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.”

    (cut and pasted from my Bible)

  65. JaneEyreZombieHunter says:

    Ok, I want to study philosophy with Mrs. Tilton! Furthermore, I’d attend her lectures if she was willing to travel to the US to give such lectures!
    It is thoroughly refreshing to read Mrs. Tilton’s well-written, well-thought out arguments.

    Just to weigh in on the church issue, I recently discovered the Unitarian Universalist Church – less a church based on any dogma than a community of people committed to both seeking their own answers to life’s big questions and a community of people working to make the world a better place through numerous social justice projects. UU churches welcome tolerant, open-minded seekers of all sorts, from those who have no name for their personal beliefs to Agnostics, Atheists, Buddhists, Christians, Pagans, Wiccans, and on and on.
    I wonder whether there are interfaith groups like this to any great degree outside of America, but wonder if it would be too dangerous in many places.

    At any rate, wonderful discussion and very interesting signs. One of my favorites of all time (and I don’t have a photo) is a flier posted in a women’s restroom: “Do you have a God-shaped hole in your life?”

  66. Actually, Paul, I’d like to see Islam eradicated from the earth as well. However, since this page’s topic is church signs, and not mosque signs, I had decided to stick to Christian-bashing. Of course, since you insist, here’s a hearty “DEATH TO ISLAM!!” just for you.

    (Did you know that Allah fucks pigs? That’s why Muslims aren’t allowed to eat pork.)

  67. Mrs Tilton says:

    Well look at that. My earlier, URL-laden comment turns up after all! A miracle, surely.

  68. Steven Johnson says:

    I loved the signs!!! Thats great. These are super duper. True Americana. These are so true!

  69. Rusty Buttercup says:

    The vagina is a mysterous creature
    all mangled and covered with hair
    it looks like the face of Mrs. Tilton
    and smells like the ass of a bear

  70. Atheist dude says:

    Christianity is not monoteistic. There are 2 gods. One called “god” and another called “satan”. You cannot be a christian and not believe in satan.

    Atheists don’t believe in any gods at all (and therefore don’t believe in satan) but christians believe in satan as well as god!

    That said how can non-christians go to hell? They don’t believe in god or satan. They are not christians so christian rules and beliefs do not apply to non-christians. In the same way that vegetarian rules do not apply to non-vegetarians.

  71. Anonymous says:

    Maybe you should do some research and realize there is no god!!!I believe your the ignorant one….

  72. Erin says:

    I would just like to comment the the person who said that Christians actually believe in 2 Gods:

    Satan is not a God. He was an angel who went against God. He is actually being punished in Hell. He is not God’s equal, let alone another God. Do some research, please. It goes a long way to keep you from looking ignorant.

  73. Mrs Tilton says:


    The vagina is a mysterous creature

    Yes, I’m sure vaginas are quite a mystery to you, and they’re likely to remain so. When you’re discussing them with your chums, I suggest you say they feel like a bag of sand.

  74. Rusty Buttercup says:

    Mrs. Tilton

    bag of sand you say?

    That is how my ball sack would feel bouncing on your chin.

  75. Rusty Buttercup says:

    I forgot to share the fact that I don’t shave my balls so it would be like a hairy bag of sand. I hope that sort of thing doesn’t bother you.

    I also make little cars out of my poop. THey are really fun to play with.

  76. Mrs Tilton says:


    That is how my ball sack would feel bouncing on your chin

    For any number of reasons, that’s not something I’m likely ever to feel. And dangerous for you, I might add. As your “sack” was bouncing away, there’d be a very high possibility it would become lodged in a skin-pore.

    Anyway, you are Jeff Godlstein and I claim my five pounds.

  77. Mrs Tilton says:

    I don’t shave my balls…. I also make little cars out of my poop. THey are really fun to play with

    Yes. Well, from the sound of things, the question of whether to shave your balls will remain a hypothetical one for many years to come.

  78. I am going to cover my balls with gold bond powder and then soak them in icecream. Who is Jeff Godlstein?

  79. kuchenhure says:

    I’ve been reading some of this and I just have to say… This shit is absolutely hilarious. I’m glad you’re setting these idiots straight Tilton.

  80. Mrs Tilton says:

    Give me a call some time Rusty. I would love to get to know you better. I might even show you my wisker biscuit.

  81. Teeka says:

    Wow… I think Mrs. Tilton’s comments are more interesting (or, shall I say, insightful and fun to read) than the content this page was created for!

    Do you have a blog, Mrs. Tilton? I’d love to read if you had one!

    I’m… I don’t know what I am. I don’t believe in a god, and I suppose in that way I’m athiest. Maybe I’m just “Live and let Live-ist.” Believe what you like, just don’t try to smoosh it in my face (or try to pretend you know it all and are right, despite evidence to the contrary). ;)

  82. Mrs Tilton says:

    I should point out that the “Mrs Tilton” immediately above is not I. It’s easy to tell, because I wouldn’t have misspelled a simple word like “whisker”. (I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the poster was in fact our young friend Rusty. And fair play to him: every boy should have an active fantasy life.)

    I have to say that I quite like Rusty. At first I thought he was a slavering Christian who had slipped the leash. But then it became clear that he is all about the shite-stirring. And I like that in a ten year old.

    But I’m afraid I really have no interest in getting to know him better, in the biblical or any other sense.

  83. clarkreations says:

    God bless Photoshop. Some of the more offensive ones are photoshop. Especially the tsunami, aids, war one and the osama, obama one. Sacred cows seems impossible but looks legit. I think some of this is anti-Christian propaganda.

  84. Uhhh says:

    The Obama Osama one was not real. Clearly doctored.

  85. catbarf says:

    Nope, it’s real. Google ‘Obama osama church’ and click the first link.

  86. Rail says:

    yo, peeps, stop writing novels back and forth and simply shut up and laugh at the silly pictures, if you ain’t got a sense of humor i doubt even your gods or science will help you survive in this world.

  87. Stevie Wonder says:

    No, they’re not photoshopped. I live in West Virginia (Yeah. Let it sink in.) and you should see some of the ones around here. People are fucking insane. Go in some public bathrooms and you’ll see Bible-themed posters. -_____-

    (Note: Do you see Pagans pull this kind of shit? No. That’s all I’ll say.)

    @Rusty: Kid, put down the bong, take your Lithium and go to bed.

  88. ThatGirl says:

    “To try to make things better in this world by our own understanding is like rearranging the furniture on the Titanic. ”

    And it is the scary comments like that scream of hopelessness and a lack of compassion for the suffering of those in this world. Tsk tsk.

  89. Mitch says:


  90. Seraphim says:

    The more The Gospel is revealed to unbelievers and the more unbelievers reject the The Gospel, the worse the unbelievers condemnation will be on the Day of Judgement. In other words the more you reject Gods truth about who you are the worse your torment will be in Hell. Godspeed!

  91. New Era Orchestra says:

    Seraphim, you of course realize that Muslims say the exact same thing regarding Christianity? I don’t take the threat from you any more seriously than you probably take from them.

  92. Hmm... says:

    “So, basically, I have to sacrifice myself…
    …to myself…
    in order to change a rule that I made… myself!”
    –God (supposedly)

  93. Anonymous says:

    and one of the most amusing parts is that they spelt Chanukah wrong…

  94. Hmm 2 says:

    Would you be free from the burden of sin?
    There’s power in the blood, power in the blood;
    Would you over evil a victory win?
    There’s wonderful power in the blood.

    There is power, power, wonder working power
    In the blood of the Lamb;
    There is power, power, wonder working power
    In the precious blood of the Lamb.

    Would you be free from your passion and pride?
    There’s power in the blood, power in the blood;
    Come for a cleansing to Calvary’s tide;
    There’s wonderful power in the blood.

    There is power, power, wonder working power
    In the blood of the Lamb;
    There is power, power, wonder working power
    In the precious blood of the Lamb.

    Would you be whiter, much whiter than snow?
    There’s power in the blood, power in the blood;
    Sin stains are lost in its life giving flow.
    There’s wonderful power in the blood.

    There is power, power, wonder working power
    In the blood of the Lamb;
    There is power, power, wonder working power
    In the precious blood of the Lamb.

    Would you do service for Jesus your King?
    There’s power in the blood, power in the blood;
    Would you live daily His praises to sing?
    There’s wonderful power in the blood.

    There is power, power, wonder working power
    In the blood of the Lamb;
    There is power, power, wonder working power
    In the precious blood of the Lamb.

  95. JaneEyreZombieHunter says:

    Interesting how the above quoted song equates “whiteness” with righteousness/ salvation. I can really see how white supremacists could just take the song, and many of the bible’s verses, in their own direction. Disturbing.

    Religious songs themselves are interesting in that they aren’t bible verses, though they are often based on them. One cannot claim that a religious song conveys much religious authority because it isn’t a source: it’s based on a source. This one is an older tune, written by Lewis E. Jones in 1899, but there are so many ’70s era songs based on things like Gordon Lightfoot tunes. Any rate, it’s better to quote from a recognized religious source when attempting to effect conversion – instead of a song best sung when one knows one is “preaching to the choir.”

    Here is Joe Hill’s meaningful rendition:

    Would you have freedom from wage slavery,
    Then join in the grand Industrial band;
    Would you from mis’ry and hunger be free,
    Then come! Do your share, like a man.

    There is pow’r, there is pow’r
    In a band of workingmen.
    When they stand hand in hand,
    That’s a pow’r, that’s a pow’r
    That must rule in every land–
    One Industrial Union Grand.

    Would you have mansions of gold in the sky,
    And live in a shack, way in the back?
    Would you have wings up in heaven to fly,
    And starve here with rags on your back?

    If you’ve had “nuff” of “the blood of the lamb,”
    Then join in the grand Industrial band;
    If, for a change, you would have eggs and ham.
    Then come! Do your share, like a man.

    If you like sluggers to beat off your head,
    Then don’t organize, all unions despise,
    If you want nothing before you are dead,
    Shake hands with your boss and look wise.

    Come, all ye workers, from every land,
    Come join in the grand Industrial band.
    Then we our share of this earth shall demand.
    Come on! Do your share, like a man.

  96. Rusty Buttercup says:

    Did you hear the lasted medical breakthrough?

    Scientist have discovered that diarrhea is hereditary…

    It runs in your jeans.

  97. Your mama has a glass titty with a goldfish in it says:

    It also spews out of Mrs. Tilton’s mouth like a river. Moreover, I could say the same to most of her cohorts who have joined hands in trash talk.

    Furthur, Mrs. Tilton, I think you should give ol’ Rusty a taste of your affectionately discribed “whisker buscuit.” He sounds like he is right up your ally. Intellectual speaking of course.

  98. asdasd says:

    It is disturbing how people put up nonsense quotes and then attribute it to God.

    They sign their BS quotes – GOD as if that will validate it.

    Isn’t making up scriptures a sign of a false prophet!!?? The penalty for that was death.

    I am also sick of the Virgin Mary and the face of Jesus popping up in trees, tortillas, toast, gutter stains, and window dirt.

    I am waiting for the newspapers to run a story titled “The Face of Jesus in a Piece of Dog Shit”

    Why is it acceptable to belittle Christianity?

    Why do people put up horrible signs and stupid apparition stories making fun of religious beliefs?

    This is just sad. People are so stupid and deceived.

  99. Serahpim says:

    You shall not commit adultery(have sex with another person when you are married). If you do you are an adulterer.
    You shall not have sex outside of marriage, if you do you are a fornicator, even masturbation is taken in to account here.
    You shall not lie, if you do you are a lier.
    You shall not murder, if you do you are a murderer.
    You shall honor thy mother and father,
    You shall not covet someone elses possession, if you do such is greed. If you do you are a coveter,
    You shall not make idol, ieven money thesed days is the idol of many people.
    You shall not take The Lord’s name in vain.
    You shall keep the Sabbath Day holy.
    You shall not worhip other gods, except The Lord your GOD.
    The problem every human being on this planet has today is they have broken one or more of GOD”S commandments whether by action or thought. If you disobey or refuse to follow these commandents you sin against GOD and in GOD”S demand for moral perfection, GOD demands your blood, in justice, to pay for your sin; therefore you will die just like every other human being has died on this planet. If you have not accepted Christ’s payment on the Cross for your sins, then your physical death goes one step further into spiritual death, which is HELL, the place of eternal torment. Many people will suffer hell because they have rejected GOD and his gift that would pay the penalty of their sins, namely Jesus Christ. GOD doesn’t tolerate evil in any form and therefore HE will destroy it. Christ is will be back soon and will Rapture those who believe in HIM. Millions of Christians, those alive and dead, will disappear faster than 1/1100 of a second. If you are here when this has happened, you have been left behind because you chose not Christ. Know then GOD does exist and you must confess your sins before GOD and accept Christ’s gift of payment for you sins. If you do not, HELL awaits you. There is no other way for a human being to save themselves, except Jesus Christ who died on the Cross to pay for your sins.

  100. asdfad says:

    Serahpim I admire your encouragement, and it seems like you have everything figured out, but you do not.

    “Millions of Christians, those alive and dead, will disappear faster than 1/1100 of a second.”

    * this is a propaganda lie that was not invented until the 1820s!!*

    the doctrine of the Rapture is not mentioned in any Christian writings before then.

    look up Edward Irving, Miss Margaret, and John Darby.

    then look up informationclearinghouse dot info for some facts about our wonderful government.

    have you ever heard of Bohemian grove?
    It’s a summer camp for the “Christian” leaders where the worship a 40′ owl sculpture.

    Just some thoughts.

    Number Of Iraqis Slaughtered In US War And Occupation Of Iraq “1,251,944″

    Number of U.S. Military Personnel Sacrificed (Officially acknowledged) In U.S. War And Occupation Of Iraq 4,134

    Cost of U.S. War and Occupation of Iraq


    Why is it religion is used to justify every bad thing ?

  101. Anonymous says:

    It is not an Occupation it is a Liberation… Dumb ASS

  102. asdasda says:

    “Dumb ASS” ???????

    Don’t blame others for your ignorance.

    The United States has been building large, expensive and long-lasting military bases in Iraq as well as an enormous new embassy complex in Baghdad.

    The US “New Embassy Compound, under construction in the Green Zone in the center of Baghdad, will occupy 104 acres (which is the size of approximately 80 football fields), ten times the size of the average US embassy and six times the size of the UN compound in New York.

  103. New Era Orchestra says:

    Depends on your point of view, liberation or occupation.

    Again, Seraphim, some else is damning you to their concept of hell right now too because you didn’t believe what they believe. Statistically speaking you’re just slightly less likely to go to hell than I am.

    has anyone else wondered why God is called “Father?” I don’t know any loving dads that threaten their children with flames and eternal damnation. Sounds like mental child abuse to me. And yet so many fundamentalist Christians feel the need to use this carrot-and-the-stick strategy to gain followers…

    Regarding the ten commandments, if God made us and is omnipotent, then clearly he must have known that we would sin, and that many of us would not believe in him, his son, or even in religion at all. So he willingly created us imperfrect, knowing that he would be damning many of us to hell? That is a pretty sadistic god, and I find no reason to believe in one like that.

  104. pastorgil says:

    For more fun go to crummychurchsigns dot com. I always get a kick out of the bad theology, and the pithy comments about the bad theology.

  105. Mikey says:

    My all-time favorite was an Assembly of God church near Rosamond, in the Mojave Desert of California. The sign read “Jesus – I Come Quickly.”

  106. RumiSouth says:

    Somewhere on a disk, I have a picture of a church sign near Moulton, AL… The place was originally a restaurant converted to a church. The sign reads:


    with a Pepsi logo under the words. It’s the Church of God of Pepsi.

  107. Seraphim says:

    Regardless of how men try to justify their sins, men to choose to sin as an act of free will. GOD has given us the gift of free will and men choose to use free will to commit sin or acts of evil. Man kind is inherently evil as the result of what Adam and Eve did out of free will, which was defy GOD. Man is not inherently good but inherently evil as a result. All one needs to do is watch the news and see just how much mankind breaks the ten commandments and tries to find ways to justify what he/she has done. Homosexuality is rampant, then next thing you will see on the news is someone trying to justify screwing an animal to satisfy his or her lusts. Even today mankind says Evil is Good and Good is Evil to justify what he or she does. Everyday men say everything is relative but actually everything is absolute. One day every man will die, not every man will live again! Take heed time is short.

  108. Crom says:

    For me, churches are simply legalized. tax-free cartels designed to make money by inculcating their followers with guilt and simultaneously holding out the false possibility of salvation.

    Unfortunately for the churches, more and more people are catching on to the racket and have stopped going. Also, because of overly aggressive expansion, the market for churches is oversaturated at this point.

    Therefore, churches end up resorting to any tactics they can think of to bring in new suckers (and to keep the suckers they already have). Silly/offensive signs are just one example of this.

  109. Pass the ammo! Classic!

  110. asdfasd says:

    My ancient stories endorsed by the corrupt government that control and enslave the population of my country are better than your ancient stories endorsed by the corrupt government that control and enslave the population of your country.

  111. Jas says:

    On a similar note as Jennas’, here in Arkansas there’s a big sign on the side of the freeway just south of Little Rock that reads WARNING! PREPARE TO MEET GOD.
    Granted, it is next to a small church, but I everytime I pass it I can’t help but think “wow, I sure hope not. Do the Christians want us all to die, really?”

  112. Enoch says:

    My favorite church-sign stated: “Don’t make me come down there!” – God

  113. iconoclastic cat says:

    I actually live a few blocks from the First Evangelical Free Church in Chicago’s Andersonville neighborhood, and I walked past that “Jesus Loves Little Children!” sign every day for weeks when they put it up. It made me laugh, but I felt kind of bad about it. That congregation works themselves to the bone for children’s issues in the community. They provide tons of resources the kids of the neighborhood, including a gorgeous playground. They probably never understood why that sign was so very, very wrong.

  114. -_- says:

    That one abou Athiest doesnt even make sence…god doesnt believe i people who dont believe in him?Wtf were some oft hese people thinking -_- half of them contridict the entire concept of jessus god hates jews lol…he hates no one otherwise that would make em a liar which if u know anythign about the bibl wouldpretty much destroy the christian faith :/ soem of these ro stupid and dont even advertis echurch at all as well -_- pure ignorence this world has…

  115. Heathen Angel says:

    Well, Seraphim,

    It looks like I will be going to hell…

    Except for “You shall not murder, if you do you are a murderer.
    You shall honor thy mother and father,”…I’ve committed every sin possible…But I must admit, I am not much of a liar. It’s too complicated to lie.

    But you know something else…I certainly don’t regret it. Sex is good. It feels good. I believe that people should have sex before the get married otherwise they might be stuck with a bad lover…and we only live once, can’t get stuck with bad lover, life would be too cruel otherwise.

    I don’t understand why religious zealots like you want people to feel guilty about having sex.

    Extremist like you have a huge ego, because you believe that God would care about your little meaningless lives and actions…f God existed, and I am pretty sure he does not, yeah, I am an atheist…and if he was as great as you make him out to be, i.e. creator of the universe, he would not care about people having sex. au contraire.

    And if heaven is sitting around in clouds looking at Jesus…well, perhaps it just ain’t a place I want to go to.


  116. Heathen Angel says:

    Hey Anonymous!!!

    It’s not a liberation…It’s a brutal-colonial-illegal occupation, Wake up and join the anti-war movement to end the American Empire!

  117. I like the last one the most, I think. It’s pretty clever.

  118. Paul says:

    Best. Website. Ever.

  119. Ayaa says:

    The last one is actually pretty clever.

  120. Munchy says:

    Why are people posting 10 paragraph comments on here? Nobody cares either way.

    But apparently I’m not speaking right now, because I don’t exist.

    Christianity is weak. But whatever. Some of these signs are pretty hilarious, and even I must admit that the last one is pretty clever!

  121. Ted Haggards Little Black Book says:

    You can always make your own sign at http://www.churchsigngenerator.com/

    Enjoy! ;-)

  122. David says:

    Protestants are always good with words.

  123. amanda says:

    i must agree with a.theist. apparently i am now non-existent

  124. ted says:

    Levetiracetam: troll or idiot?

  125. Rob Poole says:


    Well, in fact, many so-called reform Christians (many Protestant groups, chiefly American offshoot/splinter churches) have the truly bizarre notion that Jesus was not in fact a Jew. It’s difficult to explain by what twisted logic they arrive at this conclusion. After all, the Romans crucified Jesus and listed as his crime that he aspired to be “King of the Jews.” But there you go — typically, this sort of drivel comes from Christians who are secret or not-so-secret anti-Semites.

    I actually worked with one so-called Christian who tried to argue this point with me, but he was entirely unable to offer anything resembling a logical argument justifying his position that Jesus was not a Jew. Again, the vast majority of Christians the world over don’t deny this basic fact. The Gospels themselves go to great pains to trace Jesus’ lineage to that of King David, and by Jewish law a man is considered Jewish if his mother is a Jew. (Mary was most certainly a Jew, if you believe the genealogies given in any of the Gospels.)

    @Mr. C:

    The Jews did not put Jesus on the cross. That was the job of the Romans. They were, after all, the real political power in that region at that time. To them, Jesus was merely a political agitator, and they did what they saw was best. As for the passion play fodder of Matthew 25:27 (“His blood be upon us and our children”), many modern Biblical scholars believe this to not be a legitimate account, but rather a later addition to the Gospels, perhaps by Christian apologists trying to distance Christianity from Judaism, and to better “sell” the new religion to the Roman Empire. After all, blaming the Empire for the death of the Savior of a new religion wouldn’t be very good PR.

    I personally believe this interpretation — after all, what angry mob talks like that?

    But even if you don’t buy that explanation, there are other interpretations that don’t slander the Jewish people. I would cite http://www.levitt.com/essays/bloodlibel.html as one example of this.

    For the record, I was raised Roman Catholic, but I no longer consider myself a Christian of any sort, precisely because of the sorts of distortions of Jesus’ message evidenced by these heretical so-called churches.

  126. Simplywondering says:

    Mrs. Tilton,
    I was wondering how you feel about Descartes’ Meditations 3 and 5 for the existence of God?

  127. HellsBells says:

    You know, this is actually a very rational and cool-headed debate, relatively. Almost pleasantly surprising, given the number of assholes of all factions who take the opportunity to vent as soon as they see something like this. Good work, people. Or most of you, anyway. OK, some of you.

  128. Anonymous says:

    I really wish some of these churches who put out hateful messages on their signs would open up a Bible every once in a while.

  129. my-ding-e-ling! says:

    And those are the same m*ther Fµckr’s who call out muslims are at most to be radicals, terrorists at large and having nothing more important at mind than to overcome the world with their “hideous” religion…! Are there any more stupid people in the USA than so called “christians” who claim to spred the word of love and peace in the name of JESUS – with guns, war, hatred and humiliation against everything and everyone that do not approve their oppinion in life? If black or white (for example Jews), muslims, homosexuals, free minded intelectuals, etc., etc, etc. ……

    Yeah, baby! “Pass the ammo!” – “Go Bush Go”! Those are the motto of hard hitting, rock bottom christians!

    Good job and thumbs up, you god-d*mned, fµcked up hypocritical sons of b*tches. You really bring jesus style “LOVE and PEACE” to the world, you dimwitted, brain-drained molesters of society!

    Want to make a bet that – 9 out of 10 – jesus is at this very same moment hanging over some heavenly toilet seat and barfing out his very soul about so much sickening hypocrisy!

  130. ejes says:

    Am I the only one who got this?
    “Easter is more than something to dye for.
    DYE = a usually soluble substance for staining or coloring e.g. fabrics or hair
    DIE = pass from physical life and lose all bodily attributes and functions necessary to sustain life; “She died from cancer”; “The children perished in …


  131. Kurrus says:

    The “Who wants to be a christianaire?” one is pretty funny.

  132. Anonymous says:

    I agree. I’m very suprised at the placidity of this discussion.

  133. Dave says:

    Searching for the true religion you have to look at what is acceptable, the churches permit homosexuality.
    I live in England where two priests have married, the bible says homosexuality is an abomination so it would be obvious not to go to being a member of that religion.
    The religion is christianity this is one of the reasons I am not a member of any church.
    I do believe in God and I would like to share some info on some DVDs with you that will I hope will help in deciding for yourself if there is a God.
    The first is :Unlocking The Mystery Of Life.
    The second is :The Privileged Planet.
    And the third is :From A Frog To A Prince.
    These DVDs realy get you thinking and I am sure that common sense will prevail
    Some of the comments made here were not of any use to anyone no one has the need to say:

    “Screw you guys, Im going home”
    “I wonder if you are an ignorant jackoff”
    “Now take your fire and brimstone and get lost, ya jerk”
    and so on and so on.
    It is a shame that people like this have such a poor vocabulary of words, still so is the world, as far as it is said that the Jews killed Christ our beginning started with Adam and Eve if they were Jewish so are we so we are all guilty, at one point God said I wish I had not made man but he loved us so much he has set out a way to save us and I for one love him with all my heart and I do know he exists one hundred percent.
    I hope you all have a wonderfull life and hope if you get the DVDs you find then an jnvaluable source of information.

  134. K says:

    Christ forgave his tormentors.

  135. Jaz says:

    God doesn’t believe in atheists eh.. thats strange, he mustn’t be very omnipotent if he can’t see that atheists exist.

  136. Lucas says:

    I gotta say, the very last one is kind of clever.

  137. Anonymous says:

    BAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!! “tardolicious” Yep.

  138. fuck you all says:

    FUCK religion altogether! Nothing good has come from it with the bloodshed and hypocrisy it entails. If you believe in a higher power fine, do so…yet if its so divine why recruit members? That goes for ALL religions that try and lure you into seeing “their way”.

  139. Anonymous says:

    It is referring to people who just sit around on easter and dye easter eggs and don’t go to church, tardolicious.

  140. rgu3t0 says:

    don’t generalise christians as being this way. i’m a christian and in no way feel the way that christians from rural areas feel. but i do agree with when you say they’re hypocrites. (they are) just not all christians.

  141. Anonymous says:

    Well… if you only ever have sex with one woman then no matter what it will be amazing, and if you have to wait for her, then its going to be even more enjoyable, so you will never no if she’s a bad lover, it will all be awsome. Not to mention you will never have to question whether or not you have a transmitted disease and you will never have to wonder if you are as good as her last lover or if she’s thinking about him when she’s with you . It actually makes things much simpler, and enjoyable. And I agree with you sex is fantastic, but you know I think its better and deeper when shared with the same person. Ive been married 14 years and it just gets better!!
    Its good to consider both sides.

  142. scott says:

    this should have a nsfw warning

  143. iakul says:

    I looked at the 5th pic a few times to see if I could figure it out, but I have to conclude that it doesn’t make any sense to me no matter how many times I try to read it.

  144. true american says:

    I have read the bible and have been to churches but never have I seen what is supposed to be taught which is the love of your fellow man, and do unto others as you would have them do to you, but what was heard was the talk of money, and weekly tithing’sI have seen and heard the preacher condemn not only other religions in this country but also glorify war, how ironic considering that you are supposed to love your fellow man there fore I do not exist because I am an atheist, and do not believe in religion but in science, and the wonders that it has uncovered, it has been my observation that Christians are like alcoholics, they are nothing without there favorite form of sustenance, and have no faith in themselves, but have to believe that the earth was created in 6000 years, when geology shows that is is a lot older than that, by the way the preacher that was at that church retired after 20 yrs of free taxation and became a used car salesma

  145. Anonymous says:

    I more or less agree with you, but more than that I’m fascinated and impressed by that comment. Did anyone else realize that it was just one sentence? 181 words in 1 sentence! That’s got to be some kind of record.

  146. John says:

    The very first picture is from the Andersonville neighborhood of Chicago (not a rural area).

  147. Anonymous says:

    I am not Christian or Atheist but I think more people need to understand some of the key points you’ve made. Props for being open to the flaws of both sides of the argument.

  148. Anonymous says:

    what belief? atheists don’t believe, they conclude. It’s very different. We don’t believe in any gods of any forms.

  149. Anonymous says:

    Hi, sorry, I’m an atheist to so don’t get too angry, but we do believe. It is impossible to logically conclude ‘there is necessarly no God’ as there can be no evidance against such a beings existance. I am fully in the atheist camp, I just wanted to point out there are no reasons makeing it a conclution. We don’t believe in God, but we believe in no God, as we cannot know there is no God, leaving us with belief. Sorry to be a pain.

  150. Anonymous says:

    i like doG

  151. Anonymous says:

    maybe you should try NOT PRESSING YOUR BELIEFS ON OTHERS

    i believe in god, if you don’t, fine, that’s not my prerogative.

    but don’t be an ignorant asshole and push your beliefs on others and make fun of people who don’t agree with you.

  152. Pratik says:

    Damn… some of these have got to be backwoods Churches in the southeast filled with ignorant jackoffs. The ones about sacred cows and Obama/Osama are pretty fucked up.

    But what’s up with the “she knocks a hole in your bucket of joy” thing? Totally out of left field there.

  153. SkiBum says:

    I have seen a bunch of these before, but the sinburn/sonscreen one had me literally laughing out loud. Great post.

  154. JW says:

    Those are cute.

  155. haha says:

    I found some good ones travelling through Canada aswell, this was one that I found hilarious. Though not a statement the name itself is priceless.


    not sure if ya allow posts with links or not, all I ever see are the spam, let’s go see Jessica Alba and date her on this celeb dating site crap, gonna give it a shot anyways

  156. Pratik is a dumbass. says:

    Hey Pratik have you looked at a map of the United States lately? The post says these signs came “from Pennsylvania to Colorado.” I’m fairly certain thats not the southeast. Andthe sign says “sin” not she. I wonder if you are an ignorant jackoff.

  157. Mick says:

    I rolled my eyes pretty hard at “Easter is more than something to dye for.”

  158. sisterinlawssuck says:

    What’s with the hating of the Jews? Always. Wasn’t Jesus a… forget it.

  159. Drunken Chud says:

    one of my favorites is from a church across the street, it’s in the same vein as the sinburn/sunscreen, “exposure to the son, may prevent burning.”

  160. frank says:

    course most of them are pathetic/sad but the last one is actually pretty clever

  161. Chill says:

    @unpaste: “Where is the Muslim equivalent to such benevolence?”
    You don’t think they exist? Google red crescent. Just because you don’t hear about them in this country doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of that sort of thing there. You don’t really think the news outlets in this country want to have us think of people our government wants to bomb as human, do you? I’d be very surprised if there isn’t actually more charity donated in those countries than this one, by percentage of donor’s income as well as overall percentage of people that give.

  162. sweet & salty says:

    Some of these were funny, and some of these were very scary. But many of these post were just as scary. Christianity today really isn’t what it was intended to be by Jesus. However, just because some people (and it seems like more and more these days) don’t reflect what it’s about… Doesn’t mean you should just write it off. That’s kind of the same ignorance as racism. Don’t judge a group by a bunch of bad apples. Many of you have made your own conclusions based on what you’ve heard or by someones bad example. I’d just like to challenge you all to study it for yourself with an honest look. You may find it’s alot deeper than you ever realized.

  163. dell says:

    As a Christian(and a minister to be exact) I am first and foremost embarrassed by many of the acts of so-called “christendom”. While yes, many christians today and in days past have performed many acts I believe Jesus would have been incapable of committing, many of them are well intentioned, wrong, but well intentioned. As far as Christianity in Iran – understand that nearly all of those Christians cannot stand-out in public due to rampant persecution – and not mere words of intollerance, many have been shot in the streets, in front of their families and in prisons just for saying that they believe in Jesus and not Muhammed. I am not writing that to bash on muslims I am simply stating why you don’t see Christians striving for the same humanitarian efforts as you see many do here in the states. In the end I think what many of you have posted is accurate and reiterrates what I have been trying to say to the church for many years, “your stupid little phrases don’t mean anything to anyone but you…” I hope that those of you who read this will know that Christianity – often times like politics – the loud minority is who gets the press – not the silent majority.

  164. Anonymous says:

    Some of these are funny, but others are messed up.

    @Seraphim: Oh do shut up.

    “There isn’t a single human being on this planet who hasn’t lied, stolen, cheated, had sex outside of marriage or cursed God as such is sin and all are guilty.”

    That doesn’t mean that everyone commits every single sin. Not everyone has stolen things and/or had sex outside of marriage, you stupid asshole. (masturbation doesn’t count, even if it did not every one on the planet has done it and it’s not even a sin) I haven’t had sex at all and plenty of people that I know haven’t, you presumptuous moron. Also, wasn’t Jesus human too? I guess there was one who hasn’t sinned after all, huh?

    Now take your fire and brimstone and get lost, ya jerk.

  165. Anonymous says:

    “Christianity is the predominate religion in the United States and what have we for it? A plethora of relief organizations, the Salvation Army, Catholic and Protestant charities, food drives, foreign aid and missions. Where is the Muslim equivalent to such benevolence?”

    Besides the obvious church charities, how are you able to justify that these relief efforts are the result of a religion and not that of the basic innate human quality known as sympathy? Don’t forget the fact that we have more resources to afford such efforts compared to those other countries. It is when a person insults the beliefs of another person that causes those types of brutal actions. Christianity is just another belief. The fact that State and Church are separated is what makes us different from those Muslim countries. Best example Christians will react just like any other religious group? Beatles. John Lennon. Bigger than Jesus. Outrage.

  166. yop says:

    the last 2 are hilarious

  167. The Hippocryt says:

    I dont exactly believe in anything, especially any “holy” text, such as the bible, Quran, or buddhist sutras. However, i do love one biblical saying “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” I take it as an internal question, a man asking himself “who am i to judge? i am not you and i am not perfect”. Just my opinion though.

  168. Theopholis says:

    That’s a redaction…

  169. Joe Ferrell says:

    “I’m also making a list and checking it twice.”


    If the christian god is infallible and all knowing, then why would he have to check a list twice? he would get it right the first time.

  170. Cartman says:

    “The Road Warrior said God hates the jews,
    and the Road warrior dont lie”.

    “Screw you guys, Im going home”.

  171. Churches sure has gone commercial … with a make your donations here mentality !

  172. Anonymous says:

    Gods and their stories are for people who get bored easily, run low on self confidence and can’t think for themselves.
    When I was young I also believed in fairy tales… then I grew up(went to school) and got wiser.
    There’s only wisdom and responsability.

    Btw where do you think all the pornstars will go to IF there would be a hell and a heaven :p

    //ontopic: The signs show the average IQ of those people. We also have one here “Jesus is LOVE” (Belgium). They should put heavy taxes on that kind of advertising. Religion is what divides people.

  173. Xcom says:

    Funny and frightening all at the same time…… and these people believe there is a spiritual god who will rescue them in their hour of need!

    Pass the ammo….. well these are really well adjusted church going people yall’…… praise god and I’ll blow ya’ head off given an opportunity!

    I’m actually really comfortable in the belief there might not be a god at all. Why do we place so much emphasis on some deity to come down and save us. Who would want to after seeing how we behave and treat the planet.

    I say… believe in yourselves, believe in the human spirit and save the planet, nobody is going to do it for us.

  174. Mr. C says:

    It is not a bad thing to say Jews killed Jesus. In fact they did. We should be happy. When the Jews killed Christ (did not accept Him as King) it opened the doors for the Gospel to the Gentiles. I am thankful for that. One day every tongue will confess He is God and one day every knee will bow. Still the greatest treasure remains for those who gladly choose him now. I think that the signs and the commentary on this site just go to show how bad we as humans really are. I for one give thanks for God showing me and others (if they are honest with themselves) how much we need a Savior. We need to stop comparing ourselves to one another and use the plumb line of God’s perfectness to access our sinfulness as humans. He has given us a gift of self awareness to know that none are perfect. Sin=death. Thanks be to God that he sent his Son, Jesus Christ to die on the cross to pay the death price for our sins if we with REPENTANT hearts would accept His gift of life. It is in your hearts to know the truth. Please stop suppressing what you know in your heart to be the truth. The fool has said in their heart no God. Remember He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

  175. Jim Jones says:

    Church is good. God is Good!


  176. L2Google says:

    Decided to back up pratak… Northside Baptist is in North Carolina, and St Luke Methodist is in Georgia. Those sound like southeast states to me. Not sure about the rest.

  177. Michael says:

    “The ones about the sacred cow an the jews were really sick..
    i thought Americans were tolerant people
    its really sad!!”

    Are you kidding me? Sacred cows are fed well, and well-fed cattle make for some great beef! Eating a sacred hamburger is probably going to piss off quite a few people, but that doesn’t mean it won’t taste good.

    Oh by the way, we did wipe out the Native Americans, throw Japanese Americans in concentration camps, and keep African Americans from the voting booth until recently. But we Americans are tolerant, as long as they’re like us. If you ever say the word bomb at an airport, you’ll see how tolerant we are.

  178. Joe anon says:

    Shows how desperate many church leaders are to get new people in there to keep the due coming.

    Osama… Obama …..

    That should get your tax exempt status revoked right there.

    Sacred cows make the best burgers ?

    I guess the guy running the church propaganda is too uneducated to know he is insulting Hindu’s not Muslims. Cow’s are not sacrad

    It’s a complete joke to think these are our centers of moral leadership. That’s what unregulated, untaxed, unlawful operation of a cult gets you.

    A bunch of brainwashed idiots.

  179. Alix says:

    I didn’t ask Jesus to die for my sins

  180. killer B says:

    Random thoughts by Alix.

  181. Brandon says:

    I actually thought the “What’s missing from ch rch, UR” was quite clever. The rest I just shook my head.

  182. Levetiracetam says:

    Am I missing something here? I don’t see anything unusual about the signs at all. Most of it rings true. We are just scared to say it in this PC world. Bravo to the churchs for saying what is really on our minds. Remember you don’t have a right to not be offended. I do have a right to offend you though. I just can’t take away your right to life, liberty, or your property. Get over it you bleeding heart liberals.

  183. Jesus says:

    Dear lord, save me from your followers.

  184. Mrs Tilton says:

    Mr C.,

    When the Jews killed Christ

    Most of the stories about Jesus’s death are in a book called the “Bible”. You can probably find a copy, if you ask around. Once you manage to get your hands one, read the parts called the “Gospels”. As you’ll then see, the Jews didn’t kill Jesus. The Italians did.

    But I gather from your post that you’re a Christian. You might want to be careful about the whole bible-reading thing then. Read it carefully, and you just might find that there’s not as much reason to believe what you do as you currently think there is.

  185. Mrs Tilton says:


    Remember you don’t have a right to not be offended. I do have a right to offend you though.

    So I take it you’re a big supporter of PZ Myers against people like Bill Donohue and Ken Ham, then.

    In fairness, I must concede that churches like many of those whose signs are shown here do provide a valuable service, if as you say they disclose what people like you really think. Sunlight is the best disinfectant and all that.

  186. here is something that will burn your toast… we were atheists before religions… God created us as atheists, but we dont exist so can we be here? any of us?

  187. Dave says:

    Im kind of surprised to see the Sacred Cows one. Thats a quote from Mark Twain, who was never a great fan of the church.

  188. Budbear says:

    @ Leaveatiredasstammy

    Moronic sentences will always ring true to a moron. I guess these churches do say what’s on your mind.
    Nobody here seems offended by such stupidity. We are just mocking and laughing at them. As much as we are mocking and laughing at you. Are you offended now?

    @Seraphim & Mr. C

    Take your piss-poor apologetics and blow it out your ass!

    @ dell

    I see you’re trying to be reasonable, but look up this phrase: “No True Scotsman Fallacy”.

  189. Mr. c says:

    Thank you budbear. Case closed.

  190. DaveC426913 says:

    Jenna: (Aug 4, 11:39) “Will the road your on lead you to me? – Aside from poor grammar, the sign kinda frightens me, because I’m thinking, “God, I hope not!

    Hehe! Jenna calls upon God in her own plea – surely a classic convert-in-denial.

  191. dell says:

    I did look up the statement and I see your point.
    I guess I will pose this question just out of morbid curiosity: Has anyone been to a church that was not like any of these(signs) churches?

  192. itwasntme says:

    my favorite from around L.A.:

    “to lick the devil, fall on your knees.”

  193. ThatGirl says:

    “Sacred cows make the best burgers”

    And consecrated hosts make the best Super Bowl snacks!

    Oh wait, I might get death threats for that one. Except that only “muslims would be ready to kill people indiscriminately.”


    Oh wait, but I don’t exist!

  194. Mrs Tilton says:


    Has anyone been to a church that was not like any of these(signs) churches?

    Well, for starters, I think that your question in fairness really refers only to some of those signs. Some of them are obviously the work of evil people. Some of the others, though, don’t really tell us anything other than that the minister is incapable of being voluntarily amusing and/or capable of being involuntarily hilarious.

    That said, though: yes. Used to belong to one, in fact.

    It was full of very kind, decent people who thought Christianity was about applying the ideals of the Sermon on the Mount rather than about Demonising Homos and Sluts. They spent a lot of their own time and money on things like feeding and housing poor people, without worrying about whether those people would thank them, let alone come to share their beliefs. (So no, not all Christians are hate-filled, benighted, superstitious bigots. Why, for every thousand horrible Christians like that, there must be at least one like the nice Christians at my church.)

    But although the Christians at my old church are for the most part wonderful people who do a lot of good and whose beliefs are benign, I no longer think I have any valid grounds for holding those beliefs. I don’t think they have any valid grounds for their beliefs either, though I concede their beliefs do inspire them to do good things (and fair play to them for it). But their beliefs, and the reasons they would give you for holding them, are exactly as valid as those of the far more malevolent sort of Christians who infest the American body politic.

  195. Loki X, you're an idiot says:

    Half those movies weren’t even filmed in California (“La La Land”), dumb-ass backwater hick. You probably see half of these signs on your way to work at Wendy’s.

  196. god doesnt exist says:

    Religion is for sad people that can’t think on their own. They use “God” to be responsible for their actions. You hear of horrible crimes committed, then the person “finds God” and now God takes responsibility for their behavior. Religion is used as a form of control on the masses. The Ancient Greeks used it, Egyptians. Religion will do nothing but bring confusion and harm to humanity until it is completly removed from civilization. Christianity has a pretty bloody track record. How many wars were fought over religion? How many people died over “faith” or lack there of. Until we can realized that religion is just a way to control and manipulate, our species will never evolve. All religions need to go. Only then will we find “peace”.

  197. Ted Powell says:

    I was planning to make a contribution, but then I saw there was no Preview button.

  198. Mr. C says:

    Lord please soften the hearts of these people.

    I am not surprised or mad at all of these hateful and off color comments. Even the one from (ThatGirl). Lost people act lost. One can’t be upset by that. We need only worry when saved people act lost. This does no good at all.

    This world has been judged and is going to die. To try to make things better in this world by our own understanding is like rearranging the furniture on the Titanic. It might look good for a moment but friend, it is going down. you are sitting there polishing silverware and I am screaming to you to get on the lifeboat. I can tell of a lifeboat and his name is Jesus Christ. Hop on board.

    God loves you and so do I.

  199. Mrs Tilton says:

    Mr. C,

    bon voyage!

  200. Mr. C says:

    Mrs Tilton,

    You are very funny. I have enjoyed your comments. BTW, are you any relation to the false teacher Robert Tilton?

  201. Bezoar says:

    Seems only (loony B.A.C.) churches indulge in this silly, witless punnery and cheap word play. Things must not be going to well for them. Never saw a atheist gathering that needed such to invoke interest.

  202. Missy DeRail says:

    Too bad they didn’t say anything about the Genesis verse, “We will make man in our image, in our likeness” Wonder which god they were reffering to in the signs.