Cloverfield Monster Revealed!

Okay, ya got me! This isn’t the real Cloverfield monster. But at this point, with this much buildup, there’s no way I’m NOT going to be disappointed. I feel like I did right before I lost my virginity, except I don’t have diarrhea from that bottle of peppermint Schnapps I mixed with half and half and drank out of a 7-11 big gulp cup.

And if you’re reading, J.J. Abrams? Between this and Lost, you’ve become a ginormous cock tease. If this one doesn’t pay off, and I pass you on the street, I’m definitely going to say some shit under my breath. And if you ask me what I said, I’m gonna say, “I didn’t say anything, I’m sorry if I bothered you.” That’s right–I’m a pussy.