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Confessions of a Ross Dress for Less Employee

 
My first high school job was working as a Sales Associate at Ross Dress for Less.  My best friend Dave also worked there. It was the best job in the entire f*cking world.  Remember the movie Mannequin, where Andrew McCarthy just hangs out with a magic mannequin come-to-life in a department store all night?  Well it was a lot like that, except without the magic mannequin, and the store was way crappier.  The job wasn’t hard, but it was really, really boring, and Dave and I would constantly have to find ways to entertain ourselves, just to keep from going crazy.  Consequently, we came up with a few fun activities to get through those rough 4-hour Tuesday night shifts:
 
The Vending Machine Blitzkrieg
 
 
Vending machines suck. They’re full of candy and snacks, but the only way you can get to them is by putting money in.  At least that’s what I thought before I started working at Ross.  It turns out that if you get a friend to help you lay the vending machine down on its face, the candy will just fall to the front of the machine. Then, when you stand it back up again, all the candy will slide down to the bottom and you can scoop it out with ease.  This is what I ate for dinner for nearly 8 months as a Ross employee: free candy.  Don’t be fooled by their stature, either; two high school kids can easily tip a vending machine that’s not bolted down.
 
Christmas Clothes Diving
 
 

Like most department stores, our Ross got double or triple shipments of inventory around the holidays.  At about 8pm every night, a huge semi-truck would pull up to the cargo door in the back storage room.  A guy would open that truck and just start throwing piles of clothes into the store’s back room, and we would have to pick up those clothes and put them on a huge table to be sorted and prepared.  After the truck left, the pile of clothes on that table would be about 10 feet high, and we had to sort all of it.  As high school kids, we saw this as an insurmountable task that we didn’t really care about surmounting it in the first place, so we did what any apathetic kids would do: we figured out how to have fun with a 10 foot pile of clothes in a storage room.  It turned out that the easiest way to do it was to climb thirty feet up on some nearby shelving and dive into the massive pile of clothes.  In order to do this, we had to strategically dive through some hanging flourescent light fixtures and some weird pipes, but this added a little bit of danger to the mix, and made our acrobatic clothes-diving more fun, until we got caught by the Assistant Manager.  Luckily, she was a cool stoner chick.  She took one dive herself, and then told us never to do it again.  She did not catch us the next time we went Clothes Diving.
 
Shoe Department Strategizing
 
 
I worked in the Men’s Department of Ross.  It was super easy.  All I had to do was hang up clothes that lazy people threw on the floor, and occasionally clean some shit off the walls of the fitting room.  No big deal.  My friend Dave worked in the shoe department, though, and the shoe department at Ross Dress for Less is an absolute nightmare.  For some reason, people can’t try on a pair of shoes without just throwing shit everywhere and destroying everything within reach, and it was Dave’s responsibility to clean all that shit up.  At the end of the night, he had to put all the shoes back on the shelf and pair them up correctly, which was a horrific task.  If Dave had an extra shoe that he couldn’t find the pair for, he would get in trouble for it, but we quickly realized that if that shoe disappeared, there would be no record of a mis-matched pair of shoes at all, and everything would be fine.  Consequently, our mission every night was getting rid of a few lone shoes so that Dave wouldn’t get in trouble for losing its pair. Luckily, we found a storage room with some shelves that allowed us to reach a loose wall vent, and everytime we ended up with a mismatched shoe, we would just drop it down into the wall where nobody would ever find it, and nobody ever did find it…until a few years later, when they tore that Ross Dress for Less down.  I drove by one day during the demolition and saw this:
 
 
So if you ever shopped at a Ross Dress for Less in Tempe, Arizona, between 1997 and 1999, there’s a really good chance that I plummeted thirty feet into your clothes, dropped that other shoe you were looking for into the wall, and had to clean your shit off of the fitting room wall.  I’d say we’re even.

32 Responses to "Confessions of a Ross Dress for Less Employee"

  1. john smith-a-roony says:

    last

  2. Gumby says:

    FAIL!

  3. ORDucks says:

    Gawd, we can really relate to the shoe department fiasco at Ross!We could never find shoe matches and besides, they don’t carry many shoes in women’s size 11 so I go to Payless. I’m cheap. Bite me.

  4. IH8MarcieBonadonna says:

    Here’s an inside information for the customers. You can return anything at Ross. All you have to say is the item is defective. For example, the straps on your shoes break off a few months later. You just go and return the shoes. Ross said they have to stand by their products.

  5. super mermaid bitch says:

    ahaha. i work at o ross now and i’ve been forwarding this to all my fellow employees. even the managers are getting a kick out of it.

    and we have name brand things in our vending machine so not really sure what the hell that one guy is talking about…?

    our vending machine really does look exactly like the one in the picture, but im too afraid to try setting it on it’s front, i’m the least cordinated person alive and i bet there’s too many people out there who would not be surprised that i died by being crushed by a vending machine :)

  6. Mike Sure says:

    They make you work like saves. Cutting hours and employees. Corp. has 23 Vice Presidents. They have a number of Law suits, because they treat employees very bad!

  7. pyro says:

    a high school dudes..and complaining bout their jobs at ross,,,get ur diplomas and finish college and maybe ull get a decent job…f u can finish college,,,lossers…

  8. sourpatch says:

    hahaha you guys are full of shit, and so are your photos… had me crakin up tho

  9. Girl says:

    I work at Ross, in National City, CA! && may i tell you, it is absolutely The worst shit ever. I am a student in college, and managing work and school is difficult. My schedule would say that I should be off by 9:15 pm, And they Usually volunteer me to do recovery. They don’t give me lunch and break on time. we’re ALWAYS short on associate because the company is greedy with money and doesn’t want to pay the associates. HONESTLY speaking, I’m getting paid only 8 bucks an hour, && For that I WILL give them 8 dollars worth or fucking work!

    • Getter says:

      Waaaah. Join the military. Work 18 hours a day for less than minimum wage plus get shot at. Quit whining. Get your degree and work at McDonalds like most of the other recent college grads.

  10. Guy says:

    tits of GTFO

  11. Crystal says:

    I work for ross, a shitty company at best, and this made me laugh. I’m trying hard to find another job to get out of this minimum wage shit hole.

  12. Seven11 says:

    I feel you guys! XD

  13. NONE says:

    I have worked at Ross Dress For Less as well.
    The first few months were a BLAST! But then it really sucked day in and day out picking up after lazy A** people who can’t put things back and listening to them B**ch abount not finding anything……The best thing I ever did was quit my job.

  14. benjamin says:

    i have nipples on my balls

  15. Z says:

    Sensual

  16. toats mcgoats says:

    this ladies and gents is the ultimate “first” comment

  17. cera-ish says:

    shoe pile— the story says one shoe that had no match would be dropped down there…. all the shoes i see in that pile has a match closely by… i hate liars….

  18. Rick Bitchy says:

    after years of tossing lone shoes, eventually you’d have to find the other and toss it as well? Unless of course theres an international org of single shoe bandits out there.

  19. Anonymousddddd says:

    And with the single stroke of the enter key, he changed the game forever. Hats off to you nipple nuts… may you lactate cum and cum milk forever

  20. niftyclits says:

    My dad represented the family of a kid who crushed his stupid ass to death while trying to tip over a vending machine. Incidentally one of his eye balls was found eight feet away next to a water fountain.

  21. Fuck that Philosopher Guy says:

    Were there nipples on it?

  22. Baba Boobie says:

    okay… that just made me laugh out loud. pretty loud, too.

  23. Tony BROmo says:

    I love how you guys are obsessed with Ross, keep it coming.

  24. Karpo says:

    What the fuck, you nest of retards?
    May i say, cool story bro. Serial.

  25. just a male says:

    shoe pile photoshopped faggots

  26. Melanie says:

    ur gay

  27. douchebag says:

    i have a hard time believing a ghetto store like Ross would have name brand chips/candy in their vending machines as pictured.

    the only employers i have had that permit vending machines on site have been crammed full of stale ass disgusting borderline edible no name brand crap. still had to eat it don’t get me wrong, but come on….name brand shit? at ross??

  28. Dad says:

    Are you a dumbass? Do you know how vending machines work? Go kill yourself by having one fall on you.

  29. jewish guy says:

    Ross Dress for Less……..for losers

  30. Puff says:

    Ah, the Edgar Allan Poe of the 21st Century strikes again.

  31. danny1234 says:

    i live in mesa, arizona, but im pretty sure ive been to that ross, or what used to be that ross. awesome story, felt personal, you know? i came a little, in my pants… only a little. maybe i’ll return them, they’ve got an awesome return policy at ross.