We’ve all used a Crayola product or two in our lives. We’ve all scribbled across our coloring books so far outside the lines our parents probably thought we were suffering from early onset stupidity, and that there was most certainly going to be more than a couple soft helmets and leashes in our futures.
One problem all of us Crayola users eventually encountered was trying to find the exact color that would match the skin shade of the character we were coloring in. Ultimately, this anal retentive quest for racial accuracy didn’t amount to shit, because every character would end up looking like their picture was taken the very moment they set off an IED and their flesh was just starting to be ripped away by fire and hot nails.
Times change, though. It’s 2011, and Crayola has finally decided to release a line of multicultural crayons and markers that are styled after skin colors other than Caucasian. The colors include black, sepia, peach, apricot, white, tan, mahogany and burnt sienna. If you follow the link in the in the previous sentence, you’ll see how Fox News attempted to manufacture this in to a controversy. This article isn’t about Fox, but they’re idiots and you should expose yourself to something that supports your pre-existing beliefs about them.
While the multicultural line of crayons is something teachers and students have apparently been requesting for years, we can’t help but wonder why Crayola didn’t just add those colors to the regular box of 150 colors instead of essentially segregating those colors in to their own, much smaller box. If we actually cared about this issue we’d be outraged by this dastardly subtle racism that we’re pretty sure we’re the only people dumb enough to notice.
Surely, the entire line of multicultural colors is highly offensive to people, particularly to those of us at Holy Taco who just fabricated this controversy because, you know, eh, why not?
We did some research and discovered even more highly offensive Crayola colors that we can’t believe people haven’t boycotted Crayola over, even though absolutely none of them are real. We totally just made them up. But that shouldn’t stop you from tricking yourself in to thinking they’re real so you can picket the Crayola head offices and draw some mass media attention to Holy Taco.
Controversy: it’s great for our traffic numbers.