Some people are fully functioning members of society, complete with jobs, steady relationships, and sanity. Other people are retarded and want to legally change their name to Boomer The Dog, because they feel they’re more dog than human.
It takes a special kind of stupid to give up the hours and hours it takes to make a vagina repelling dog suit out of paper mache. But the person we feel bad for isn’t the man that wants to be Boomer The Dog. Why would be feel bad for him? He’s clearly a man that’s at peace with his own batshittiness, so we’ll leave him alone as he shits on his neighbor’s lawn and humps the legs of various camera crews that enter his home. The person we really feel sorry for is Mira Lopez, the reporter that filed this report.
How low on the reporter totem pole do you have to be in order to get handed the “crazy dude that wants to be a dog” story? What, were the Associated Press’s top reporters already working the beat on that barn burner of a story about the hamster running for congress? Was the B-team already on the scene as that clown stole a cheeseburger from a deaf mute in a wheelchair? Were the B-team’s understudies busy recording their voice over for the “camel that farts the theme from Dallas” story? Seriously, who do you have to piss off so terribly that you’re stuck interviewing an effeminate, unemployed hippie that wants to change his name to something that’s a reference to a show that literally know one remembers. Literally, no one. Literally, no one…except for the maniac that’s going to need someone to clean his diapers for him after the shock treatments have permanently loosened his body’s shit tubes.