The Kids in the Hall once had a sketch that ended with Dave Foley looking up to the moon as he wondered, “Gee, I wonder who owns that moon?” If Dennis Hope is to be believed, he is the owner of the moon
, and he’ll sell you some land on it if you want. Hell, John Travolta bought some moon from him, and he’s a scientologist. You can always trust those guys, what with their Xenus and atom bombs and thetans and alien souls and such. But that’s not the point. The point is, for a while now one person — and because of him, many other people — can claim they own apart of the moon. But if they can lay claim to a celestial body, why can’t any other random person make that same claim about, say, the sun
One lady in Spain just did. Her name is Angeles Duran. And she’s the sun’s new owner. And she’s probably crazy. Or very smart and crafty. Honestly, there’s a very good chance both of those things are true.
Our tale of solar land grabbing starts back with Dennis Hope, the aforementioned lunar real estate agent to the stars (movie stars, not stars stars. He’s not selling the moon to gaseous balls of energy). Earlier this year, 49-year-old Angeles heard about this American fellow that bad the planet-sized balls to declare he was the owner of the moon. So, feeling inspired by this, she declared she was the owner of the sun. The story is that simple. She looked up and said, “Hi. I own you now.”
"There was no snag, I backed my claim legally, I am not stupid, I know the law. I did it but anyone else could have done it, it simply occurred to me first."
And it probably has occurred to most of us while drunk and staring at the sun because the spots we see when we blink look like tiny green and purple Fred Astaires dancing in our eye lids. The difference here is this lady unearthed her lady balls, walked up to a lawyer and asked, “Hey, I want to own the sun. How do I do that? Is there a paper I have to sign or something?”
Even crazier than that, Angeles says she wants to charge a fee to anyone that uses the sun. Yep, everyone. If this turns out to be legally binding and real (which it is 100% never ever ever going to ever be), that means only the troll people of the under-soil that steal our children when we drop them in to wells will be safe from her ruthless sun charges. But, for all the insanity, she would actually do some pretty good stuff with her hypothetical sun money: half of the proceeds would go to the Spanish government to help with the budget, and 20% to the nation’s pension fund. Another 10% would go to all manner of scientific and medical research. Another 10% would go to ending world hunger, and, finally, she’d keep 10% for herself, which, according to our calculations, would roughly be $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 over ten years.