The life cycle of a woman’s sexuality can apparently be chronicled by the skirts they have worn through out their lives.
Debenhams, a department store chain in the U.K., conducted a study on the length of women’s skirts that we can only hope wasn’t conducted by balding/greying male science types in their mid-50s, possibly researched while slowly creeping by high schools in a nondescript windowless van.
The study shows that teenage girls typically wear 14-inch long skirts, and those skirts get shorter and shorter until, buy the age of 23, girls start wearing 12.5 inch long skirts.
I feel like a sexual predator just typing that information.
Twenty-three is when a girl feels her sexiest; it’s when the stigma of looking extra slutty isn’t actually a stigma as much as it’s a right. The older a woman gets, the less they feel a stiff upward draft should be all that separates their vaginas from the eyes of horny guys pointing their portable Stiff Upward Draft machines at the skirts of passing women.
But unless a woman is a prostitute featured on a late-night HBO documentary, 12.5-inches is a short as the skirts will get. Throughout their thirties, skirt lengths will bounce around, possibly in correlation to a women wanting to recapture the unbridled sexiness of their 20s, much in the same way a man in his 30s will sign up for multiple gym memberships that are used only twice a year.
By the time the late 40s roll around, a woman’s skirts fall below the knee, because you can’t drag around a brood of children while showing off the hole they fell out of.
By the time a woman is over 60, the once sexy and tantalizing skirts turn in to 31-inch long drapes that hide all evidence of the fact that women have legs, instead opting to go for that sexy yet dignified floating-like-a-ghost look.