Explore Holy Taco

David Blaine Hangs Upside Down. You Are Excited.

I go to a buffet place called Soup Plantation once every month or so and every time I go through the all-you-can-eat soup bar, they have this “Irish Potato Leek” soup that looks like a creature is going to crawl out of it and start a new species that will eventually become the dominant one on earth. I’ve never seen anyone eat it, ever, and this is a six dollar buffet that many sleeveless patrons frequent. Somehow, even though everyone hates it, it keeps getting a spot on the buffet line. This is how I feel about David Blaine. How is it possible that he still gets TV deals to do shit when everyone I know hates him? Theblemish.com reports:

Creepy street magician David Blaine will hang upside down above Central Park’s Wollman ice skating rink for 60 hours, completely disregarding doctors’ warnings that he could go blind.

I was really hoping the article would go on to say “Blaine’s doctor added, ‘Of course, then he wouldn’t have to watch the special, which might outweigh the going blind thing. Right? Am I Right? Haha, I kill me.”

If I was going to measure where this stunt will fall on the “How much I give a shit” scale, I’d say it’d be right in between “Co-worker I barely talk to showing me a picture of their newborn child” and “working at a restaurant and having the manager explain to me the proper way to fold a napkin filled with silverware.”

The best stunt he can think of is hanging upside down? Sure, that may be kind of painful, but if you’re going for a painful stunt, I can think of about 100 others that are far more painful. For instance, Blaine could sit through an entire Kansas City Royals baseball game in september.

5 Responses to "David Blaine Hangs Upside Down. You Are Excited."

  1. Pratik says:

    What about sitting through a Royals game in March and April? There are so many people there who constantly say “this is the year” and “we’re going all the way with that 39th draft pick from the Swedish league.” All you have to do is mention the other four to five teams in the AL Central and they’ll be like “oh yea, well at least we still have the Chiefs… oh wait…”

    All you can do is sit back and realize that the Royals will be spending more time in the cellar than John Wayne Gacey in a 1970′s summer.

  2. SRQCUB says:

    Shit only September, have you been to that stadium or watch a your home team play the Royals, ya I’ll wait in line to see that bitch hang upside down.

    George Brett

  3. SRQCUB says:

    Next Blain will pay for all of Derick Thomas’s kids, that would be some real magic.

  4. zak says:

    would a low flying plane please take this asshole out so I don’t have to see his pompas ass do anymore useless stunts. you guys want to know his secret. the key to his magic. he waits! he fucking waits! he hangs out in the air or in ice and waits! he essentially does the same thing we all do at the DMV! given he gets paid a metric fuck ton of money and waits a really long time. This is not a stunt! Its some douche bag waiting on a check!! He is pretty much my cousin steve, except the check comes from CBS and not the unemployment office.

  5. Matt says:

    Royals are bad? They’ve been killing my Tigs.