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Dear False Flaggers: Turns Out, Those Flags are EVERYWHERE

False flags are a popular notion these days, because the government orchestrating every bloody massacre for political gain is way more plausible than “your next door neighbor might kill you at any time for no good reason.” Probably the only thing more popular than pointing out false flags is debunking them — as it turns out, arguing that families are only pretending to suffer and grieve the loss of their children because the Illuminati paid them to do so rubs a lot of folks the wrong way.

Some people are so damn sensitive.

Well, I’m here to tell you False Flag enthusiasts that you’re on the right track, but you’re not going far enough with their paranoia. Because it’s not just the terrorist attacks and school shootings that are set up by shady politicians as a way to justify taking away your basement full of AK-47s. It’s EVERYTHING. Your government has false-flagged your entire existence, from the moment you wake up to the moment you wake up again.

What did you have for breakfast? Waffles? Just know that you didn’t choose to eat those. Those were special spy camera waffles, infused with hypnotic vapors designed to subliminally make you want to chew on them. They were planted in your freezer by the CIA to record the inside of your fridge, kitchen, toaster, and even stomach. They will then use the footage of your fatty fleshy walls to argue for bans on the greasy, high-calorie junk food you’ve stockpiled everywhere.

Perhaps you should have leggo’d that Eggo after all.

Breakfast done, it’s time to shower. Not that you actually need to shower. You’re only told you need to, because that way Big Showerhead gets your hard-earned dollars.

But that’s not all! That isn’t water pouring down your body — those are special drone droplets, created by the FBI and fully legal thanks to some rider the liberals stuck into the latest Presidential pardon of a turkey. You think you’re tired all the time because your coffee isn’t working anymore, or your job is boring? Not at all — you’re exhausted because millions of tiny drones crash into you every morning. Thanks to them, you’re too beat up to go out and fight the system — JUST THE WAY THEY WANT IT.

And don’t think you can escape their wrath by refusing to shower. They droned the rain with you in mind.

Does your car need gas? That’s only because government spy gnomes siphon your tank every night so you have to give more money to the oil companies. If not for them, you could drive cross-country for an entire year on one tank. But that wouldn’t be good for their bottom line, now would it?

So abandon your car and just walk to work, right? Well, along the way, don’t pick up any quarters, dimes, dollars, or other various monies you might find on the sidewalk. The shadow government put those there to entice you. After all, what normal human being would readily LOSE their own fortune?

If you find a few nickels underneath the couch cushions, then it’s already too late.

Why would the gub’mint do this, you ask? That’s pretty simple. For one thing, random change increase your dependence on bits of paper and metal with artificial value that THEY created. In addition, do you know how easy it is to stick tiny high-def cameras in every single coin ever minted? Of course you do, you’re a false flagger. You see ALL.

I could go on and on forever, but I think you get my point. Everything you do and encounter, including breathing air, is a false flag set up by the government to track and control you and your opinions. Yes, breathing. They’re slowly removing all the clean and natural air from our atmosphere and replacing it with dirty smog that’ll make us extra sick and require us to spend extra spy money on medicine and hospital visits that line the pockets of the powerful.

All that littering we do, and all that exhaust and smoke we send into the air via our cars and cigarette habits? They don’t actually hurt Earth at all. Only super-secret government action does that.

It’s not just murder and terror that the federal agents invented to keep us down. It’s everything under the Sun. Probably the Sun too. Go back to sleep.

Actually, don’t. That’s when they plant dreams that convince you to not to vote.

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