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Why Are You All So Enamored With Google’s ‘Do A Barrel Roll’?


What’s going on here? We wake up one morning and all of a sudden, Google’s doing lame dog tricks. Did you know that if you type “do a barrel roll” into Google’s search bar, page spins 180 degrees? Did you also know that the first world economy is falling apart and the McRib is back? Did you know that Google can also give you access to ALMOST EVERYTHING EVER! Come on, everyone, this is ridiculous. We’re at a point in our society when some of the most powerful technology known to man is available to the average consumer and you’re watching a webpage spin in circles?!

Your phone can talk to you now. You can also talk to your phone. Not on your phone, to your phone. That’s where we’re at right now. Phones that listen, and talk back. This is some seriously futuristic crap here. But what’s most of the world doing? They’re watching a web page do a barrel roll. They could be playing a video game, in their living room, that responds to the movements of their body, but are they? No. They’re watching google dance.

Do you know what else can do a barrel roll? ALMOST ANYTHING. You can’t see what I’m doing right now, but I just made my pen do sixteen barrel rolls across my desk. Not impressive, not at all. Kind of like how it’s not impressive when a web page does the same thing. Dogs can do barrel rolls. That’s kind of impressive, because their dogs. Beings that act on their own free will, not web pages that are controlled by humans in every aspect.

It’s almost as if Google is trying to make everyone feel stupid, or at least proving to themselves how easily entertained everyone is. A group if genius engineers was probably sitting around a multi-colored table at the Google headquarters talking about how nobody give a shit about any of the powerful things Google is capable of. “We’ve integrated speech recognition, image recognition, and the ability to translate to and from almost every known language, but people seemed underwhelmed.”
“Yeah, I’ll bet if we made Google roll over, these mouth-breathers would lose their minds…”

Stop proving the Google nerds right, everyone! Don’t get caught up in their “show them something shiny” gimmick, you’re all better than that. Keep reading Holy Taco. That’s quality entertainment.

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