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Don’t Read This Article If You’re A Rick Perry Supporter

Warning: Don’t read this if you don’t want to hear someone rant about how some people can’t seem to comprehend ideas that should be simple and easy to grasp in the 21st century.

In other words, I’m going to be ranting about politics. Specially, a new Rick Perry campaigned ad.

If you don’t want to put up with unfunny righteous indignation, then, please, I implore you, skip this one and move on to another one of our articles. When uploading this in to WordPress, I even went as far as to classifiy it as “Opinion Focused”, so you know I’m about to get righteously indigent.

Ready to get all righteous-y and indignation-y?

Then let’s begin.

First off, watch the video above and then continue reading.

Alright, Rick. Listen up.

No one is attacking your Christianity. No one. Why? Because no one cares. Feeling persecuted for being a Christian in America is like a guy with a fully-automatic assault rifle calling the cops on the guy finger gunning.

Clearly, the guy with the rifle has the power here yet he fears the person that could only do damage if he were running at full speed, tripped, and poked us own eye out with his finger gun’s thumb-hammer.

Rick, stop feeling like your religious beliefs are somehow under attack, and then turn around and say there’s something wrong with a gay person serving in the military, as if you mean to imply that the dick they’ll be sucking while in the midst of a heated battle will hinder their view of the slaughter, leaving them open to surprise attacks from their periphery because the swaying, fleshy balls are obscuring their view of an oncoming attacker. I fully understand that you are entirely incapable of seeing the irony in claiming you’re being persecuted and then, with the same breath, persecute someone else, but to do it on video, on the internet, while running for the highest office in America, maybe even the world – c’mon. C’moooooooooon!

The explanation for this is either:

1)      You honestly believe all this shit and you’re mentally deficient loon.

2)      You are fully aware that what you’re saying is BS, but at this point in the race it has become a race to the bottom to see who can sell themselves out more to appeal to such a small number of base republican voters that you could never win a general election with.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter because both of those explanations are monumentally idiotic yet they’re the only two possible explanations, which is sad.

It’s like you’re a character from Mad Men that somehow got magically transported to the year 2011 and you were shocked – SHOCKED! – to discover that we, as a nation, had yet to imprison all fags and queers in murder camps, but you’re trying to be subtle about how shocked you are so no one freaks out too much.

Essentially, Rick, you’re a goddamn cartoon character. You’re a parody of a cliché of a vapid, one-dimensional, decrepit ideology. And you’re polling in 5th place, behind Herman Cain, the serial molester that isn’t even in the race anymore, and Ron Paul, whose unwavering and honest belief in his own beliefs make his campaigns a bit of a cute novelty among he likes of you and your wacky ilk.  This means that even the people that eat up such ignorant shit as this aren’t buying it anymore.

What I’m trying to say is, you’re done. Stop trying. Your window of opportunity closed a long time ago. You’re a distraction that obscures our view of a real republican presidential candidate, one that can be that can be taken seriously and actually has thoughts and ideas and doesn’t speak in meaningless platitudes and buzzwords.

Like Newt Gingrich.

Fuck.

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