If there’s one thing guys like to do, it’s drink. If there’s two things they like to do, it’s drink, and argue about things. This is what men do. This week is a "very special" Drunken Argument Friday, because this is a topic that we’ve argued about many, many times.
This Week’s Drunken Argument: Which is better: Back to the Future: Part 1, or Back to the Future: Part 2?
Drunken Argument for Bttf: Part 1
BttF: Part 2 is just like my senile grandmother’s fruit cake: there’s a bunch of weird shit crammed into it, and you have to really search for any of the good parts. I mean, for Christ’s sake, they expain time travel in twenty seconds, with a drawing that’s made of two lines. I don’t ask for a ton of explanation in time travel movies, but the least you can do is figure out a time traveling plot that doesn’t seem like it was created by me in the 4th grade, right after I got pantsed and everyone saw my penis. The first BttF movie has a solid story, and you get to watch Marty fend off his mom from f*&king him. Plus, the movie wasn’t bogged down by all these tiny little plot points they tried to force into the script, just to make some kind of sense. The only thing that the people who like BttF 2 ever talk about is the fuggin’ hoverboard. That’s it. They don’t exist, people. THEY DON’T EXIST.
Drunken Argument for BttF: Part 2
Y’know what? You’re right. Hoverboards don’t exist. And I know two other things that don’t exist, either: your balls, and time-traveling Deloreans, so let’s just dismiss the "you can’t think it’s cool because it doesn’t really exist" argument altogether, okay? Now that we got that out of the way, nobody can deny that hoverboards are, in fact, awesome. Here’s a brief list of other things that are also awesome: Cheezy 3-D Jaws 19 billboards, Auto-fit Nike’s, self-drying jackets, rehydratable pizzas, FLYING time-traveling deloreans, the line "McFry! Read my fax! You’re fired!!", The Biff Tannen Museum, Mr. Fusions, and (neither last nor least) Grey’s…Sports…Almanac. People who aren’t afraid of the future find delight in BttF 2‘s ridiculous depiction of the future as a place where fairly lame 80′s technologies are ubiquitous (i.e., fax machines in every room, including the closet), whereas people who are afraid of the future, perhaps because they’ve made some bad life decisions and foresee a dismal, lonely existence ahead of them, tend to find the sequel confusing and scattered. On behalf of the film’s creators, I’d like to apologize for that. How dare they make a time travel movie that you have to pay attention to! In short, BttF 2 is way more awesome, hoverboards will be a reality, and your vagina is showing.
What do you think? Back to the Future: Part 1, or Back to the Future: Part 2?