If there's one thing we like to do more than drink, it's argue about really important stuff like which type of pizza is better. Here's what it sounds like when when we do both at the same time.
The Drunken Argument For New York Pizza
I don’t know what happened to the Italians that migrated from New York to Chicago, but apparently on the way there they forgot how to make fuggin pizza. One slice of deep dish pizza and suddenly I feel like asking someone to grab a coat hanger and follow me into a back alley. You get filled up with a bunch of dough, which is the cheapest part of a pizza. It’d be like paying for a hooker and having her spend 90% of her time giving you an HJ.
Pizza, much like a woman, shouldn’t be thick and sloppy, it should be thin and tight and listen when you talk to it, and not call its mother every god damned day just to check in – Pizza should be thin. Good New York pizza is crispy and light, and allows you to consume a shit pile of beer. If I wanted to eat something cheesy and doughy, I’d eat Jim Belushi.
The Drunken Argument For Chicago Deep Dish Pizza
What are you afraid of you little whiny bitch? Awww, too much food for you, huh? Here's you when you see some real-assed Chicago Deep Dish Pizza, "Oh no! I can't eat all that food! Give me some itty bitty baby pizza! Waaah! My vagina aches!" That's what you sound like. Why don't you sack up, sit down and eat like a man. This is America, asshole. Food is supposed to be big, round and full of fuggin' cheese. "New York pizza" costs a dollar and tastes like sweaty cardboard. Chicago pizza will make your heart cry.
And don't give me "New York pizza is real pizza." The pizza we eat was invented in America. The same place that invented the 50 pound cheeseburger and heart disease. What sounds more like a meal: A quarter inch of floppy, soggy "crust" sprinkled with a tablespoon of processed cheese or a crust piled higher than your last five shits swimming in two pounds or real cheese and a bucket of sauce. The only time I ever eat New York pizza is at three o'clock in the morning after eight hours of drinking or when I lost my job and got tired of eating newspaper.
Now it's your turn to chime in. Just follow these easy steps:
Step 1: Drink 7 beers
Step 2: Vote (You can vote as often as you want. Just refresh the page to vote again or see the newest results)
Step 3: Type whatever stream of consciousness bullshit that comes into your head on this topic in the comment section.
I guarantee most donkeys who claim to have eaten "NY Pizza" ate a slice of Ray's when then got off the doubledecker noob bus tour. But having never been to Chicago I'm not going to make any claims for or against it, I'm sure a lot of people have eaten bad "Chicago Deep Dish" from some fast food dumpster. If you're in NY do yourself a favor and go to Lombardi's in Soho or Grimaldi's in Brooklyn, and you'll change your tune about NY pizza.
Just because you saw a show about New York pizza on the Food Network does not make you a local nor an expert. Suck fucking dicks, go back to New Jersey.
Deep Dish pizza was created when some URBAN inner city, drug addicted, single mother accidentally aborted her future Obama on a NY Pizza then rolled it up to hide her abortion from her 7 kids so she would have something for a late night snack. When the cops came by for their twice daily neighborhood sweep they smelled something different than the normal piss and feces. Upon closer inspection of an umbilical cord hanging out of the pizza box dangling from the alleged woman's legs----VOILA!!
Wow! That was really fucking funny. Do you write for the site, cause you should. The way you manged to put feces, piss, and an abortion in the same joke was just superb.
New Jersey pizza is the best. They cover that shit in the same grease that you can see covering all the guidos there. Greasy fucken italians.
OOOO the maia the mafia! How come every orange fucking guido claims they are related to someone that was in the mob? Did Willy Wonka open a tanning salon? Because you look like a fucking oompa loompa
New Jersey sucks at everything, aside from possibly gay cocksucking and hair gel purchasing. Notice that nobody mentioned New Jersey when they talked about the two types of pizza.
Fuck em both! Mall pizza and greasy logs aren't the only options. A perfect pizza is as thick as a deck of cards and loaded with gooey cheese and thick-sliced toppings. The crust has to be airy with a crisp shell. You can eat the whole pizza (it ain't a pie so get over it already) and still down a couple pitchers of even the darkest beer.
piz⋅za
/ˈpitsə/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [peet-suh]
–noun
a flat, open-faced baked pie of Italian origin, consisting of a thin layer of bread dough topped with spiced tomato sauce and cheese, often garnished with anchovies, sausage slices, mushrooms, etc.
I dig both styles, but technically Chicago style "pizza" is not pizza. It falls into it's own category of food.
That doesn't make it bad, in fact it makes it more noteworthy.
NY, Chicago, meh. The best pizza I ever ate was in Pisa, Italy. Everything else is but a pale, doughy, over-loaded lardy-assed imitation. Much like your good selves. Bring on the hate...
Fuck all that shit and Fro! St. Louis style is the best check out Imo's Pizza and tell me thats not the best pizzza you ever put in your fuckin mouth. The square beyond compare bitches.
chicago tomato sauce is bullshit. fuck that, i bet most of it is out of a jar.
theres a couple BANGIN places in the city, but a lot of them use wayy tooo much cheese. pizza shud be fuckin burnt with a lot of homemade sauce.
Both NY and Chi-town pizzas are delicious in different ways. Real New York pizza boasts incredible sauce and a crust you could frame above your oven. Before you know it, you're on your ninth slice. Chicago pizza (only available in Chicago) heralds mountains of cheese and sausage made for beer consumption. You literally have to eat the pizza with a fork and knife.
Since I was born in Chicago, I'm biased for the Windy City. Being american, though, means I can have my cake and eat it to. So, excuse me while I stuff my face...
Fuck pizza you american pussy cunts and eat a fuckin meat pie made from real cow anus and optic nerve wrapped in the cheapest fuckin pastry money won't buy. Or if you are afraid of spilling hot meat on you faggoty brand new jeans then deep throat a sausage roll
wait wait wait. we're pussies because we eat pizza, yet you are advocating a "meat pie" with hints of anus. I don't know what flies as being socially acceptable in australia, but in america we prefer men who like meat in their pies and for that matter anus, to keep away from our homes and children. seriously, how can you be pretending to macho while simultaneously endorsing eating out an anus?
deep dish is bullshit, it's not even pizza, it's a fucking casserole. You want pizza go with NY style, Thin crust, Neopolitan, even greek, anything is better than that deep dish shit.
If you're gonna post pics of deep dish chicago pizza, try using a pic that isn't a STUFFED PIZZA. It's a totally different thing.
and the genius from st'louis who thinks Imo's is good pizza. Take that abomination called 'provel' and shove it back into the nacho cheese aisle, and never EVER mention crap-on-a-cracker st. louis pizza again!
italian pizza is just dough and cheese with toppings, america added the sauce. well if you took the sauce out of both which would be more representitive of this? NY.
I kind of like Imo's pizza as well, but understand others have differences of opinion because we all have our own individual tastes, particularly when it comes to pizza.
Umberto's is fucking overrated. Their specialty stuff is better than the norm, but their regular slices suck balls compared to plenty of other places nearby.
First of all, Chicago is king of all junk food in general and the pizza is the pinnacle. Everyone i know who comes here 1st thing they want off the plane is lou malnatis deep dish pizza. eat at lou malnatis, giordanos, uno's, or cpa..at least one of em' will make you a convert for life..especially at lou's it's no nambi pambi little pieces of sausage on a sausage pizza...it's a fuckin slab thrown on and covered in sauce on top of too much cheese for anyone not from here to handle. You don't like it? make sure to pick yourself up some tampons after reading this..Got shit to talk about it? before you put the tampon in get the sand outta your vagina.
I live in Chicago and I can say I've had my fair share of Giordano's and Gino's East Chicago style. However, I still have to say I prefer New York style.
I've been taken to the 'best' Chicago pizza joints by wise locals several times. I don't care that it is thick vs. thin. It is bland. The cheese is bland, the sauce is bland. It usually just tastes like butter or grease and airy, bland dough. If I could get a Chicago pizza with the flavor of a NY pizza I'd probably enjoy it despite the physical dimensions. Otherwise I can only really enjoy it drunk.
Montreal pizza is like sticking your licker in a strippers ass, at the time it seems like an OK idea but as soon as you sober up in the morning you realise you will never taste the same way again.
Well Newyorkers... once you hit puberty and stop getting all horny off of ehhh woman(pizza), then you can order the Chicago style pizza... Its like a 2yr old judging on the Mcdonalds Angus burger!!! Have a real women(tall and with many goodies in the mid). Wait... I bet you NYers haven't even seen a VAGINA!!! Go masterbate in your restrooms with your mommy screaming for you to finish so she can go in. LOL Suck it BITCHES....CHI~CITY, we dont PITTY!!
(98 Comments)
Twitter
Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
April 11th, 2009 at 01:33 pm
LMAO!!! dude that shit is foul!!!
April 11th, 2009 at 01:39 pm
hahahaha FUCKIN GROSS DUDE!
April 11th, 2009 at 03:16 pm
I guarantee most donkeys who claim to have eaten "NY Pizza" ate a slice of Ray's when then got off the doubledecker noob bus tour. But having never been to Chicago I'm not going to make any claims for or against it, I'm sure a lot of people have eaten bad "Chicago Deep Dish" from some fast food dumpster. If you're in NY do yourself a favor and go to Lombardi's in Soho or Grimaldi's in Brooklyn, and you'll change your tune about NY pizza.
April 28th, 2009 at 02:51 pm
Just because you saw a show about New York pizza on the Food Network does not make you a local nor an expert. Suck fucking dicks, go back to New Jersey.
April 11th, 2009 at 03:29 pm
Hey NY pizza fans, the Red Baron wants his recipe back. Chicago pizza is awesome. Try Lou Malnati's. Argument over.
April 12th, 2009 at 09:16 pm
you loser! Chicago stole its recipe from the no frills sams club pizza that trailer park trash and crack hos wont even eat!
April 11th, 2009 at 05:33 pm
Deep Dish pizza was created when some URBAN inner city, drug addicted, single mother accidentally aborted her future Obama on a NY Pizza then rolled it up to hide her abortion from her 7 kids so she would have something for a late night snack. When the cops came by for their twice daily neighborhood sweep they smelled something different than the normal piss and feces. Upon closer inspection of an umbilical cord hanging out of the pizza box dangling from the alleged woman's legs----VOILA!!
Chicago Deep Dish Pizza was invented
April 12th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Wow! That was really fucking funny. Do you write for the site, cause you should. The way you manged to put feces, piss, and an abortion in the same joke was just superb.
April 11th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
New Jersey pizza is the best. They cover that shit in the same grease that you can see covering all the guidos there. Greasy fucken italians.
OOOO the maia the mafia! How come every orange fucking guido claims they are related to someone that was in the mob? Did Willy Wonka open a tanning salon? Because you look like a fucking oompa loompa
April 28th, 2009 at 02:49 pm
New Jersey sucks at everything, aside from possibly gay cocksucking and hair gel purchasing. Notice that nobody mentioned New Jersey when they talked about the two types of pizza.
April 11th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Fuck em both! Mall pizza and greasy logs aren't the only options. A perfect pizza is as thick as a deck of cards and loaded with gooey cheese and thick-sliced toppings. The crust has to be airy with a crisp shell. You can eat the whole pizza (it ain't a pie so get over it already) and still down a couple pitchers of even the darkest beer.
April 11th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
piz⋅za
/ˈpitsə/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [peet-suh]
–noun
a flat, open-faced baked pie of Italian origin, consisting of a thin layer of bread dough topped with spiced tomato sauce and cheese, often garnished with anchovies, sausage slices, mushrooms, etc.
I dig both styles, but technically Chicago style "pizza" is not pizza. It falls into it's own category of food.
That doesn't make it bad, in fact it makes it more noteworthy.
April 14th, 2009 at 04:35 am
Either that or the definition was made by a New Yorker. The dictionary? Really?
April 12th, 2009 at 09:05 am
NY, Chicago, meh. The best pizza I ever ate was in Pisa, Italy. Everything else is but a pale, doughy, over-loaded lardy-assed imitation. Much like your good selves. Bring on the hate...
April 12th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
'the pizza regrets' of a chicago deep dish have been known to kill a small horse.
April 12th, 2009 at 01:18 pm
Fuck all that shit and Fro! St. Louis style is the best check out Imo's Pizza and tell me thats not the best pizzza you ever put in your fuckin mouth. The square beyond compare bitches.
April 28th, 2009 at 02:47 pm
Suck fat cocks. You are incorrect.
April 12th, 2009 at 03:07 pm
I live in st louis, and imo's is dogshit.
April 12th, 2009 at 07:22 pm
Chicago is better. Stuffed with good shit.
Ever heard of a DICK DONUT? Me either, until I saw this hilarious (and NSFW) video:
http://www.digitalfuntown.com/videos/164
April 12th, 2009 at 08:00 pm
chicago tomato sauce is bullshit. fuck that, i bet most of it is out of a jar.
theres a couple BANGIN places in the city, but a lot of them use wayy tooo much cheese. pizza shud be fuckin burnt with a lot of homemade sauce.
April 12th, 2009 at 09:20 pm
Its easy to settle this argument really, Chicago pizza is GAY just like all the GAY deep dish dick eaters.
April 12th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Both NY and Chi-town pizzas are delicious in different ways. Real New York pizza boasts incredible sauce and a crust you could frame above your oven. Before you know it, you're on your ninth slice. Chicago pizza (only available in Chicago) heralds mountains of cheese and sausage made for beer consumption. You literally have to eat the pizza with a fork and knife.
Since I was born in Chicago, I'm biased for the Windy City. Being american, though, means I can have my cake and eat it to. So, excuse me while I stuff my face...
April 13th, 2009 at 05:09 am
They both suck....the best is NEPA pizza. That is North East Pennsylvania pizza...for fucks sake it is the Pizza capital of the World!
April 14th, 2009 at 09:08 pm
maybe according to fags from pennsylvania
April 28th, 2009 at 02:46 pm
And ONLY fags from Pennsylvania.
April 13th, 2009 at 05:34 am
They are both pretty rubbishy compared to real pizza. But I guess out of these two the deep dish is better - it is a pie not a pizza though.
April 13th, 2009 at 06:16 am
Fuck pizza you american pussy cunts and eat a fuckin meat pie made from real cow anus and optic nerve wrapped in the cheapest fuckin pastry money won't buy. Or if you are afraid of spilling hot meat on you faggoty brand new jeans then deep throat a sausage roll
April 13th, 2009 at 07:40 am
wait wait wait. we're pussies because we eat pizza, yet you are advocating a "meat pie" with hints of anus. I don't know what flies as being socially acceptable in australia, but in america we prefer men who like meat in their pies and for that matter anus, to keep away from our homes and children. seriously, how can you be pretending to macho while simultaneously endorsing eating out an anus?
April 13th, 2009 at 11:36 am
lose two turns
April 13th, 2009 at 09:11 am
wow, why so angry? saying all those touph words must make you feel pretty bad ass, i bet you get all the chicks. I bet you pop your collar dont you.
April 13th, 2009 at 11:36 am
lose a turn
April 13th, 2009 at 06:49 am
They are both two different beasts. I think Chicago's places that have thin crust are better than New York's thin crust.
Lou Malnati's is the greatest pie on the planet.
April 13th, 2009 at 10:24 am
deep dish is bullshit, it's not even pizza, it's a fucking casserole. You want pizza go with NY style, Thin crust, Neopolitan, even greek, anything is better than that deep dish shit.
April 13th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
If you're gonna post pics of deep dish chicago pizza, try using a pic that isn't a STUFFED PIZZA. It's a totally different thing.
and the genius from st'louis who thinks Imo's is good pizza. Take that abomination called 'provel' and shove it back into the nacho cheese aisle, and never EVER mention crap-on-a-cracker st. louis pizza again!
April 13th, 2009 at 01:03 pm
italian pizza is just dough and cheese with toppings, america added the sauce. well if you took the sauce out of both which would be more representitive of this? NY.
April 13th, 2009 at 03:10 pm
New York pizza is the motherfucking bomb. Chicago is a distant second. Sorry, but them's the breaks.
April 13th, 2009 at 03:29 pm
Yeah i LIVE in chicago and still like normal pizza better. Chicago thick style is alright but it shouldnt be considered pizza.
April 14th, 2009 at 09:06 pm
Yeah, it seems most women prefer new york style. Chicago style is more of a man's meal.
April 13th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
I kind of like Imo's pizza as well, but understand others have differences of opinion because we all have our own individual tastes, particularly when it comes to pizza.
April 16th, 2009 at 06:56 am
If you want a bigger meal just buy more of the better thin 'zas dumbass there only like a dollar right
April 17th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
UM-FUCKIN-BERTOS OF NEW HYDE PARK NY CONVERSATION...WAIT FOR IT...WAIT FOR IT....OVER!!!!
April 28th, 2009 at 02:44 pm
Umberto's is fucking overrated. Their specialty stuff is better than the norm, but their regular slices suck balls compared to plenty of other places nearby.
May 1st, 2009 at 10:05 am
Detroit. Buddy's Pizza. 'Nuff Said!
May 10th, 2009 at 02:39 am
First of all, Chicago is king of all junk food in general and the pizza is the pinnacle. Everyone i know who comes here 1st thing they want off the plane is lou malnatis deep dish pizza. eat at lou malnatis, giordanos, uno's, or cpa..at least one of em' will make you a convert for life..especially at lou's it's no nambi pambi little pieces of sausage on a sausage pizza...it's a fuckin slab thrown on and covered in sauce on top of too much cheese for anyone not from here to handle. You don't like it? make sure to pick yourself up some tampons after reading this..Got shit to talk about it? before you put the tampon in get the sand outta your vagina.
May 26th, 2009 at 09:07 am
I live in Chicago and I can say I've had my fair share of Giordano's and Gino's East Chicago style. However, I still have to say I prefer New York style.
June 17th, 2009 at 06:33 pm
I've been taken to the 'best' Chicago pizza joints by wise locals several times. I don't care that it is thick vs. thin. It is bland. The cheese is bland, the sauce is bland. It usually just tastes like butter or grease and airy, bland dough. If I could get a Chicago pizza with the flavor of a NY pizza I'd probably enjoy it despite the physical dimensions. Otherwise I can only really enjoy it drunk.
June 20th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Montreal pizza is like sticking your licker in a strippers ass, at the time it seems like an OK idea but as soon as you sober up in the morning you realise you will never taste the same way again.
November 12th, 2009 at 01:46 pm
Well Newyorkers... once you hit puberty and stop getting all horny off of ehhh woman(pizza), then you can order the Chicago style pizza... Its like a 2yr old judging on the Mcdonalds Angus burger!!! Have a real women(tall and with many goodies in the mid). Wait... I bet you NYers haven't even seen a VAGINA!!! Go masterbate in your restrooms with your mommy screaming for you to finish so she can go in. LOL Suck it BITCHES....CHI~CITY, we dont PITTY!!
Post new comment