If there’s one thing we like to do more than drink
, it’s argue
about really stupid things, like what’s better: East Coast or West Coast? Here’s what it looks like when we do both at the same time:
Drunken Argument that the East Coast is Better:
The East Coast is so clearly the better coast for a number of reasons: first, it was first. There’s more history in one state of the East Coast than there is in the entire West Coast combined. I mean, the country wouldn’t even exist if the East Coasters hadn’t whooped up on the British and taken that shit away from them. Second, the sports teams are way better on the East Coast, and so are the fans. The West Coast is jam-packed with fairweather fans who are to busy hiking and eating avocados to even care about city pride. Speaking of weather, the East Coast actually has some of it. The changing of seasons is one of the best things about the East Coast. As soon as you’re tired of Winter, it gets warm again! Then, when you’re tired of it being so damn warm, it gets hot, and then it gets cool again, and then it repeats itself all over. It’s like the East Coast is an automated TV remote control, constantly flipping from porn, to sports, to an awesome movie that’s only long enough for you to enjoy it before it ends, leaving you hungry for more. Finally: the pizza on the East Coast is way better, and so is the Chinese Food. RIP, Biggie.
Drunken Argument that the West Coast is Better:
The West Coast is way better than the East Coast. For starters, everything there is shiny and new, because nothing was built before 1972. Also,getting to work in the morning is way easier. You just wake up late, jump in your car, and go. You don’t have to take three different trains that may or may not be running, and then stand next to a bunch of dirty people in a tunnel for an hour when there are no available seats because piss-drenched homeless people are using them for beds. When you meet your buddies at a bar on the West Coast, you don’t have to walk there, either. You just drive to the bar separately from everyone else, get wasted, and then drive to the next bar and do it all over again. West Coasters also don’t have to deal with many of the pesky, annoying things that Mother Nature throws at the East Coast, like weather and stuff. On the West Coast, there’s two seasons: Summer, and Summer with a little bit of Rain. Sure, occasionally we have brief episodes where the earth violently shakes beneath their feet, literally uprooting the foundations of our world, but that’s a small price to pay for life in a constant state of sunny, beachfront relaxation. People go to the West Coast for fabulous vacations, so if you live there it’s like your on vacation every day, except that you have to work, but that’s the only difference. RIP, Tupac.