If there's one thing we like to do more than drink, it's argue about really important stuff, like if an army of Gremlins could defeat an army of Ewoks. Here's what it sounds like when we do both at the same time:
Drunken Argument for Gremlins:
We all know that Gremlins plus water equals more Gremlins. In this respect, Gremlins are basically the opposite of the aliens from Signs, and those aliens sucked, so Gremlins are logically awesome. They're extremely agile, so they're easily going to be able to out-manuever a frumpy little Ewok without even breaking a sweat. Gremlins are also quite mischievous. Doing battle against a species like the Ewoks, that relies on booby traps and primitive mechanical trickery, is a walk in the park for a Gremlin, because they can easily sabotage every trap the Ewoks set. Of course, the Gremlins biggest strength lies in its reproductive techniques. Just like the Gremlin's adorably loveable Mogwai counterpart, he also spawns offspring when he comes into contact with water. This means that it's very difficult to eliminate an entire army of Gremlins, because all they have to do to increase their ranks is fall into a f*ckin puddle, and those things are everywhere on Endor. Judging by the few shots from Return of the Jedi, where there's an Ewok mom holding a baby, we can assume that Ewoks don't rocket babies out of their backs by the dozen like Gremlins do, so the Gremlins are always going to out-number the Ewoks, no matter what. We've seen Gremlins obliterate a suburban neighborhood and a modern office building, so they would have a heyday with with a shitty little makeshift Ewok village. This fight goes to the Gremlins.
Drunken Argument for Ewoks:
Ewoks don't reproduce like Gremlins do, but they're ten times smarter. They'd figure something out to stop that Gremlin mass production mess. They'd out-smart those evil, mischievous bastards at every turn. Plus, they're way more ingenuitive. The Ewoks make badass tools and weapons out of bones from the people that they've killed for being in their forest, and let's not forget that in Return of the Jedi, the Ewoks captured Luke, Han Solo, and Chewbacca with a sweet net trap. Yeah, that's right: They captured Chewbacca! You're telling me that Gremlins are more badass than Chewbacca?! You're crazy. Aside from their superior intellect, Ewoks have what I like to call "retard strength". Sure, they don't look like much, but I've personally seen them over-power Storm Troopers. Plus, just to drive my point home: remember the end of Gremlins 2? Y'know, where Gizmo (who is basically just a less badass, smaller, pussier version of an Ewok) puts on the Rambo headband and totally destroys the Gremlins? He doesn't do anything an Ewok wouldn't do. In fact, he does way less. He's armed only with a bow and some flaming arrows, and he totally wrecks a complete toy store full of Gremlins. Ewoks destroy Gremlins. I rest my case.
The Gremlins would easily beat those Ewoks
In Gremlins 2 the beat the "most advanced building in America", thats better than anything the Ewok defences had
Nah all the Ewoks ever did was kick the crap out of a bunch of storm troopers and their giant walkers. No way they could handle a few midgets gremlin pussies.
Point taken. Sunlight has got Gremlins by the balls, although the ewok's would have to get ballsy and enter some cave filled with em...and the sun isn't out forever...
But you forget also that Gizmo gains immunity to sunlight, so its like the day walkers in Blade, I'm sure eventually the gremlins would eventually develop some sort of immunity to sunlight. Either way the Gremlins kick a lot more ass.
And it would be harder to fight off the gremlins in the dark so the gremlins could surprise attack them and the ewoks wouldn't have a snowballs chance in hell attacking them in their home turf
no. no. no. no. Lets not bring other movies into account here you fuck ups. Blade is a total different subject. they wouldnt get some immunity. do you see gremlin labs and shit? Nope. so fuck you you cocksucking uncle fuckin dog raping anti-cunt. Ewoks win because they make weapons simple as that. you see the chick who murdered the gremlin with the microwave? point proven. gremlins are pussies.
In Gremlins 2 they drink all those potions and stuff, thats got to give them an even bigger advantage
One became super smart, another could fly and one even changed genders
Ewoks could never compete with that
uhh bullshit. ewoks made flying vehicles. a Man-made is always better than a natural. so the gremlins flying versus a badass ewok fighter is like an F-18 against the red baron
Yeah, a red baron which has only 1 purpose: to kill everything in sight
and the super-smart gremlin could easily make an even better flying gremlin with his knowledge
The Ewoks would get distracted by some cake or whatever, chubby bears!
Hows that for a trap? Leave some cake there and the Ewoks will flock, then in jump the Gremlins and ta da!
Gremlins win
every gremiln given a genetic advantage died and non of them made the genetic solutions a human did so there would be no supper smart gremlins or gremlins that could fly
I say gremlins because even though ewoks are smarter you dont need intellegence or the weapons it grants you to win a battle because one sheer size of the army and its reproductive capabilities ewoks might inhibit the reproductio localy but not from everywere so it basicly would be like an infinite army of super dogs attacking a smaller group of humans the dogs would eventualy win.
Why the hell are we to assume ewoks are smarter than gremlins? Gremlins are born already speaking a pidgin form of English and having an innate knowledge of popular American culture suggesting some kind of genetic memory transmission accumulated through the generations. I didn't see any of the ewoks on Endor picking up storm trooper rifles, yet gremlins seem to find guns easily and don't think twice about shooting each other since their reproductive systems are so amped. Gremlins simply have the innate ability to create carnage, even when it involves unfamiliar technology; they are naturally chaotic and destructive and know innately the most efficient way to maim and destroy. They're smart enough to avoid sunlight, and certainly won't take any shit from a bunch of lice-ridden teddy bears that get brought to their knees by a floating gay robot.
So true maybe the ewoks are afriad of new technological advances so yes gremlins do have a certain inteelgence on this level though your piont is very well argued i was refering to the fact that ewoks make weapons (As shabby as it is)so probably use more of thier brains. Though there is no harvard degree is carnage so really being smarter doesnt help on an enemy like the gremlins
All the Ewoks have to do is hire GIZMO to kill off the Gremlims for them! Gizmo has already done it once...in a very stylish and entertaining way too....so they throw some cash his way and BAM...he turns into Rambo Gizmo and he takes out all those damned Gremlims with a bow/arrow and a Barbie corvette.
Gremlins, every time. Even though they are only there to fuck about....its all a laugh to them.... they would still kick the asses out of a bunch of teddy bears with sticks.
i say it all depends on the turf. if the ewoks and the gremlins fought in a city, then the gremlins would win because there are no places to set nets in a city or booby traps like that. if it was in a forest, then of course the ewoks would win. home turf owns
course if its a city gremlins hav places to hid from the sun but in the forest they either build something in which case ewoks just knock it down or hope to find a cave in which the ewoks just need to ambush them at the entrance
Ever read the Star Wars Comics? Ewoks in those are fucking scary. Jumping stormtroopers during the night, slitting their throats, and leaving their half eaten corpses impaled on sticks for the rest of the troop to find. Don't say that gremlins would have the nighttime advantage against a species that's learned to stealthily murder alert sentries in the dark.
"He's armed only with a bow and some flaming arrows, and he totally wrecks a complete toy store full of Gremlins. Ewoks destroy Gremlins. I rest my case."
The Gremlins were ALL destroyed in the Theatre by the explosion BILLY caused NOT Gizmo...only Gremlin in the Toy Store was Stripe the leader, man must not have actually seen Gremlins..
(48 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
July 31st, 2009 at 01:45 pm
First. Gremlins would definitely win.
October 8th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
def gremlins, especially when they have the genetic mutations like the spider gremlin and electric gremlin.
July 31st, 2009 at 01:45 pm
I was gonna give it to the Gremlins but after reading both arguments, I'm going to have to go with the Ewoks.
July 31st, 2009 at 08:06 pm
Because they more closely resemble the stuffed animals you violate on a daily basis?
July 31st, 2009 at 08:08 pm
It occurred to me about 2 seconds later that you're not that philosopher. Still, I stand by my mildly funny remark.
July 31st, 2009 at 02:15 pm
The Gremlins would easily beat those Ewoks
In Gremlins 2 the beat the "most advanced building in America", thats better than anything the Ewok defences had
July 31st, 2009 at 02:16 pm
Nah all the Ewoks ever did was kick the crap out of a bunch of storm troopers and their giant walkers. No way they could handle a few midgets gremlin pussies.
July 31st, 2009 at 02:30 pm
Are you on crack?
Luke Skywalker would assrape the Gremlins to death, yet the Ewoks managed to capture Luke.
The Gremlins die from SUNLIGHT. That's a huge disadvantage.
July 31st, 2009 at 03:40 pm
Point taken. Sunlight has got Gremlins by the balls, although the ewok's would have to get ballsy and enter some cave filled with em...and the sun isn't out forever...
July 31st, 2009 at 04:41 pm
But you forget also that Gizmo gains immunity to sunlight, so its like the day walkers in Blade, I'm sure eventually the gremlins would eventually develop some sort of immunity to sunlight. Either way the Gremlins kick a lot more ass.
July 31st, 2009 at 04:42 pm
And it would be harder to fight off the gremlins in the dark so the gremlins could surprise attack them and the ewoks wouldn't have a snowballs chance in hell attacking them in their home turf
July 31st, 2009 at 05:44 pm
no. no. no. no. Lets not bring other movies into account here you fuck ups. Blade is a total different subject. they wouldnt get some immunity. do you see gremlin labs and shit? Nope. so fuck you you cocksucking uncle fuckin dog raping anti-cunt. Ewoks win because they make weapons simple as that. you see the chick who murdered the gremlin with the microwave? point proven. gremlins are pussies.
August 1st, 2009 at 06:28 am
In Gremlins 2 they drink all those potions and stuff, thats got to give them an even bigger advantage
One became super smart, another could fly and one even changed genders
Ewoks could never compete with that
August 1st, 2009 at 06:57 pm
uhh bullshit. ewoks made flying vehicles. a Man-made is always better than a natural. so the gremlins flying versus a badass ewok fighter is like an F-18 against the red baron
August 2nd, 2009 at 06:51 am
Yeah, a red baron which has only 1 purpose: to kill everything in sight
and the super-smart gremlin could easily make an even better flying gremlin with his knowledge
The Ewoks would get distracted by some cake or whatever, chubby bears!
Hows that for a trap? Leave some cake there and the Ewoks will flock, then in jump the Gremlins and ta da!
Gremlins win
August 27th, 2009 at 01:59 pm
every gremiln given a genetic advantage died and non of them made the genetic solutions a human did so there would be no supper smart gremlins or gremlins that could fly
July 31st, 2009 at 02:15 pm
Fuckin Ewoks would kick the living shit out of the gremlins. Hands fuckin down.
July 31st, 2009 at 02:28 pm
Gremlins blow em all away. Ewoks are still making Star Wars fans cringe.
July 31st, 2009 at 02:37 pm
I fucking hate them both. Critters are WAAAAAY better.
July 31st, 2009 at 04:44 pm
oh god! flashback!
July 31st, 2009 at 07:47 pm
Hah! Critters are very underrated. I mean, they can unite and form a fucking giant flesh-eating ball! Arghhh!!
July 31st, 2009 at 02:45 pm
This argument should've been Critters vs Gremlins
FUCK ewoks
July 31st, 2009 at 02:57 pm
Ewoks because they would have sweet ass light sabers given to them.
July 31st, 2009 at 03:47 pm
gremlins. defenetly gremlins
July 31st, 2009 at 04:39 pm
I say gremlins because even though ewoks are smarter you dont need intellegence or the weapons it grants you to win a battle because one sheer size of the army and its reproductive capabilities ewoks might inhibit the reproductio localy but not from everywere so it basicly would be like an infinite army of super dogs attacking a smaller group of humans the dogs would eventualy win.
GREMLINS FTW
July 31st, 2009 at 05:45 pm
plus i imagine ewoks are like rabbits as well.
August 1st, 2009 at 02:07 pm
So true and not even the cool rabid kind
July 31st, 2009 at 05:56 pm
Do Ewoks have access to natural light flashlights? If so, shortest war ever.
August 1st, 2009 at 02:09 pm
Hmm never thought of that if they do have them then they would dominate
October 9th, 2009 at 05:42 pm
Dude, Ewoks did pick up fucking Storm Trooper guns dumbass.
July 31st, 2009 at 10:27 pm
Why the hell are we to assume ewoks are smarter than gremlins? Gremlins are born already speaking a pidgin form of English and having an innate knowledge of popular American culture suggesting some kind of genetic memory transmission accumulated through the generations. I didn't see any of the ewoks on Endor picking up storm trooper rifles, yet gremlins seem to find guns easily and don't think twice about shooting each other since their reproductive systems are so amped. Gremlins simply have the innate ability to create carnage, even when it involves unfamiliar technology; they are naturally chaotic and destructive and know innately the most efficient way to maim and destroy. They're smart enough to avoid sunlight, and certainly won't take any shit from a bunch of lice-ridden teddy bears that get brought to their knees by a floating gay robot.
August 1st, 2009 at 01:13 am
This is the most well thought out and articulated argument I have ever seen on this site, I had forgotten about the floating gay robot.
August 1st, 2009 at 02:13 pm
So true maybe the ewoks are afriad of new technological advances so yes gremlins do have a certain inteelgence on this level though your piont is very well argued i was refering to the fact that ewoks make weapons (As shabby as it is)so probably use more of thier brains. Though there is no harvard degree is carnage so really being smarter doesnt help on an enemy like the gremlins
August 27th, 2009 at 03:01 am
gremlins are smart but they got tricked into all of them gathering into a lobby just because the ppl turned all the clocks forward
August 1st, 2009 at 07:52 pm
roflcopter - any one of you guys ever once get your dick wet? not talking about the shower, either
August 1st, 2009 at 09:22 pm
Anal..
And anyone who says roflcopter is a fag.....Like me.....Who loves anal.....Welcome to the club you fuckin homo.
August 2nd, 2009 at 07:31 am
Ewoks and Gremlins would not fight each-other, rather, they would fuse into a single species called the Borg.
August 2nd, 2009 at 09:29 pm
dude you guys answered your own question.
All the Ewoks have to do is hire GIZMO to kill off the Gremlims for them! Gizmo has already done it once...in a very stylish and entertaining way too....so they throw some cash his way and BAM...he turns into Rambo Gizmo and he takes out all those damned Gremlims with a bow/arrow and a Barbie corvette.
Problem solved.
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:22 am
Gremlins, every time. Even though they are only there to fuck about....its all a laugh to them.... they would still kick the asses out of a bunch of teddy bears with sticks.
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:42 pm
I'm still confused and bewildered about how a bunch of tribal teddy bears beat a squadron of storm troopers.
I just don't fucking get it.
August 3rd, 2009 at 04:36 pm
*belch*
August 11th, 2009 at 07:53 am
FUCKIN' EWOKS FTW! They can take out a squad of Storm Troopers, what chance do a bunch of friggin' Gremlins stand?
August 26th, 2009 at 01:25 am
i say it all depends on the turf. if the ewoks and the gremlins fought in a city, then the gremlins would win because there are no places to set nets in a city or booby traps like that. if it was in a forest, then of course the ewoks would win. home turf owns
August 27th, 2009 at 03:13 am
course if its a city gremlins hav places to hid from the sun but in the forest they either build something in which case ewoks just knock it down or hope to find a cave in which the ewoks just need to ambush them at the entrance
August 26th, 2009 at 06:09 pm
are we forgetting the sunlight thing completely?
all the ewoks have to is last one freaking night and then, bam! no more gremlins
August 26th, 2009 at 06:10 pm
Ever read the Star Wars Comics? Ewoks in those are fucking scary. Jumping stormtroopers during the night, slitting their throats, and leaving their half eaten corpses impaled on sticks for the rest of the troop to find. Don't say that gremlins would have the nighttime advantage against a species that's learned to stealthily murder alert sentries in the dark.
August 26th, 2009 at 06:12 pm
"He's armed only with a bow and some flaming arrows, and he totally wrecks a complete toy store full of Gremlins. Ewoks destroy Gremlins. I rest my case."
The Gremlins were ALL destroyed in the Theatre by the explosion BILLY caused NOT Gizmo...only Gremlin in the Toy Store was Stripe the leader, man must not have actually seen Gremlins..
Gremlins easily
August 27th, 2009 at 01:42 pm
THIS is why I love the internet
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