Drunken Argument Friday: Jersey Shore vs The Real Housewives

With Jersey Shore just starting its second or third season (we don’t care), and The Real Housewives of Who Gives A Rat’s Ass probably being aired ad nauseum on Bravo as we speak, we think it’s about time to pit these two reality TV monoliths head-to-head via heated debate that will have no winner in the end, and will only act as a reminder of how useless all of the douchebags that star on these shows are.

When’s there going to be a reality show about scientist working on a cure for AIDS and cancer? Oh, that’s right. We don’t need to know about these people, because the vapid retards on TV are saying some dumb BS that might lead to a fight in which weaves are pulled out.

Humanity: Some still think we’re worth saving. 

Anyway, on to the debate!

Jersey Shore

You wanna know why Jersey Shore is better than those Real Housewives? That’s weird, because so do I. I don’t know, man; it seems like we’re comparing two Jackson Pollack-like splatters of vomit to each other, judging their merits, trying to figure out which one has more to say on the human condition.  Sadly, they both say the same thing about the human condition: humans are not in good condition if we’re vomiting.

The Real Housewives

I concur. After having watched many an hour of both series, I can say that neither of them warrants any sort of attention. Both shows feature the same type of egotistical assholes that are bitching and complain about their otherwise great lives. The Jersey Shore kids somehow manage to manufacture drama, even though they’re living on Miami Beach, are entirely unemployed, are getting paid to be unemployed, and don’t have to spent a cent on rent or a mortgage. Oh, and they get drunk and f*ck a lot.

Yup, a lot to bitch about there.

Jersey Shore

Speaking of bitch, the Real Housewives aren’t much better. As a matter of fact, they are none better. They are zero better than the Jersey kids. They’re probably worse, really. These are women that generally do nothing with their lives other than attend parties, get their rich husbands to buy them everything, get wasted on a Wednesday at 2 in the afternoon, get spa treatments on a regular basis, and somehow still find the time to be bitter and petty when it comes to their personal relationships with one another.

The Real Housewives

Yeah, if the Housewives hadn’t married in to wealth, they’d all be dishing out blowies at seven-dollars a pop in an alleyway between a tattoo shop owned by a Neo-Nazi and a massage parlor that specializes in Chlamydia.

Jersey Shore

And if the Jersey Shore cast hadn’t discovered bronzer and tanning beds, they’d look like this…

The Real Housewives

So, this might be a first in Drunken Argument history, but I think we found something we both agree on.

Jersey Shore

Yeah, we did. Weird.

The Real Housewives

Yeah…it is.

Jersey Shore

What should we do now?

The Real Housewives

I don’t know. Wanna ride off in to the sunset together?

Jersey Shore

Sure, why not?