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Drunken Argument Friday: Living In Cleveland vs. Getting the Hell Out of Cleveland

Recently, someone whose name we vow not to speak on this site for the foreseeable future made waves by deciding to high tail it out of Cleveland for the relative sun and fun of Miami.  Was it the right thing to do?  Right after enjoying our Friday afternoon gallon-of-vodka-lunch, we decided to argue about it.  Here goes.


Drunken Argument That Leaving Cleveland is Better

Are we really debating this?  Staying in Cleveland vs. going to, I dunno, somewhere like Miami for example?  Let’s compare a few things.  Women in Miami…
Vs. women in Cleveland…
Weather in Miami…
Vs. Weather in Cleveland…
Nightlife in Miami…
Vs. Nightlife in Cleveland
And did I mention the chicks?
Are you sure you want to have this argument?  Or should we just stop now?

Drunken Argument That Staying in Cleveland is Better

I can’t believe I have to make this argument, but I’m going to give it a shot.  Here goes…living in Cleveland would be awesome!  First of all, employment is overrated, I’d much rather spend my days languishing in the depth of state funded poverty than strap on a suit and tie each morning and head to some soul crushing job.  Think of all the TV you could catch up on!  Sure, you couldn’t afford cable, but network TV is pretty fun too!  So Cleveland and its atronomical unemployment rate is winning situation for a lazy slob like me. 
You know what else is in Cleveland?  The heart of rock and roll.  And it’s still beating!  Think of all that time you could spend at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  You could spend hour upon hour gawking at John Lennon’s piano and Michael Jackson’s glove and Kurt Cobain’s shotgun.  Hours of fun!  And the chances of meeting Bone Thugs N Harmony are off the charts!  Remember them?  They had that Crossroads song back in the 90′s.  They rapped fast as shit.  That’s awesome! 
Sure, the nightlife isn’t much, but there’s still stuff to do.  In addition to being unemployed, which I previously mentioned, you can go to Browns games, you go to Cavaliers games, you can to Indians games, you can gouge your eyes out with a rusty spoon and lament the fact that you ever set foot in Ohio.  All that and more!  Cleveland, come for vacation, stay for the misery and devastation! 
Is your wife hounding your ass because you drink too much?  She won’t be once you haul her to Cleveland.  She’ll too busy drowning her own sorrows to bother you ever again.  Yeah, Miami might be fun if you’re sporting six pack abs and look good in a linen suit.  But most of us don’t.  And we need something to blame it on.  Living in Cleveland is all the excuse you need to live a carefree life of alcohol abuse and poor nutrition choices.  And at the end of the day, aren’t we all just looking for an excuse to live that way? 
Welcome to Cleveland.

8 Responses to "Drunken Argument Friday: Living In Cleveland vs. Getting the Hell Out of Cleveland"

  1. still better then detroit says:

    fuck all of you Cleveland is cool

  2. cleveland sucks because it does says:

    well you are a dumb fuck, have you eva seen a woman in cleveland not wearing those stupid mormon skirts?

  3. Dr POoPenHEiNZ says:

    you should chang your name to this girlWAShot eventually

  4. This girl is hot! says:


    Also who the hell wants to live in Cleveland, OH……… I better live in Kenya or Tanzania! LOL

  5. Anonymous moses says:

    worst article ever. you should golden shower eachother

  6. bullshigat says:

    Bone Thugs are fuckin great. East 1999 was the greatest album of all time. OF ALL TIME.
    …of all time?