If there’s one thing we like to do more than drink, it’s argue about really important stuff like if Mexican Food is better or worse than Chinese Food. Here’s what it sounds like when we do both at the same time:
Drunken Argument for Mexican Food:
Mexican food is delicious. It’s super spicy, has rich and varied textures, and is f*ckin’ great. If you don’t know, Mexico has a pretty healthy history of poverty under its belt. But that didn’t stop the Mexicans. They were like "F*ck poverty, hombres. We’ve got beans, tortillas, and rice. Let’s eat the mierda out of this stuff!" and that’s exactly what they did. Mexican food is the poster-child of culinary innovation. It’s like Keanu Reeves’ acting technique: it’s just a few really basic things that are combined in different ways to create something that seems pretty awesome. Here, put some meat in this tortilla and fold it in half. It’s a taco! Okay, now instead of folding it, roll it up. It’s a burrito! Now put some sauce on the burrito. It’s an enchilada! Okay, now for an appetizer, tear the tortilla into pieces and fry it. Chips and Salsa! See? That’s the same thing over and over, but each one of those things is absolutely delicious. The other great advantage that mexican food has is that it fills you the f*ck up. Nobody has ever said "y’know, I ate a whole plate of mexican food two hours ago, and now I’m hungry again!", but people say that about chinese food all the time. That’s because, compared to mexican food, chinese food sucks balls.
Drunken Argument for Chinese Food:
Mexican Food is the Michael Cera of foods. No matter what the hell it’s trying to be, it’s still the same damn thing it was before. Chinese Food has endless combinations. Have you ever been to a Chinese restaurant? The menu is enormous. They have ingredients I’ve never even heard of, and they all taste awesome, but not only that: they have, like, a million words for "spicy". I bet you don’t even know what "pungeant" means. Mexican Food certainly can’t be pungeant. I’ve never even heard of a pungeant taco. And if you want to talk about history, Chinese Food has been around since the Xia Dynasty. They’ve got foods named after f*ckin’ generals. There isn’t a dish called Mexican Drug Lord Enchiladas, but if you ate some delicious General Tso’s Chicken, you’d be like, "F*ck this tired tortilla, meat, and bean combo. I’m digging this Asian party in my mouth!" Plus, as an added bonus, at the end of each meal you get a cookie that tells the future. That’s just badass.
So, what do you think? Mexican Food or Chinese Food?