If there's one thing guys like to do, it's drink. If there's two things they like to do, it's drink, and argue about things. This is what men do. One thing we often argue about (and we're sure you do, too) is prosthetic limbs.
This Week's Drunken Argument: If you have to get a prosthetic arm, which is better: a Bionic Hand, or a Hook Hand?
Drunken Argument for the Bionic Hand:
We can both agree that it would suck to have a prosthetic limb, and we're very thankful and fortunate to have both of our arms fully intact. However, if you have to get a prosthetic hand, you gotta go with Bionic Hand, other hand down. First off, it's called "Bionic", and I don't know exactly what that entails, but I know for sure that everything else I've ever seen that's "bionic" is super cool, and can do things that its normal counterpart can't do. Like The Bionic Man, who's better than a normal man. Also, this hand has fingers that you can somehow control...Bionic Fingers. I don't know how it works, but that's for the doctor who gives me the Bionic Hand to explain. The point is, fingers can do some pretty sweet things that a hook can't do. You can flip someone off, which is also known as "giving someone the finger", which you can't do with a hook hand, which is why it's not called "giving someone the hook hand". In fact, giving someone the finger with a Bionic Hand will probably be even more potent, because it'll be a Bionic Finger. Again, I have no idea what that means. I just know that it's way better than a normal finger. Also, let us not forget Bionic Masturbation, which sounds awesome.
Drunken Argument for the Hook Hand
If I ever have the terrible misfortune of losing my arm, I'm not planning on ever having the patience to just flip someone off again, because I think I'm going to be f*&kin' pissed off for the rest of my life. If someone makes me mad enough to flip them off, I'm gonna go ballistic on them because of the pent up rage that's left over from losing my arm. And when I go ballistic on someone, I don't want some little Erecter Set, Wall-E lookin' robot hand to fight with. I want a cold, hard, bent chunk of metal that's maybe even a little bit rusty. I want a hook hand, and a badass one at that. Plus, I don't know how a Bionic Hand works either, but I can guarantee that a hook hand is easier to use. Sure, you probably can't do things like pick up pennies and stuff, but if you have a horrible, scary looking hook hand, people are gonna be more than willing to do that for you. If you have a Bionic Hand, and you drop a penny, they're gonna be like "I'm not picking that up for you! Your hand is even better than mine is!" Also, a hook hand is more honest. There's no way to hide it. When you put on your hook hand and walk out the door, you're announcing to the world "I lost my f*&kin' arm!". With your bionic hand, it's more like you lost your arm, but you're trying really hard to pretend like everything's just normal and hunky-dorey. Hook hand, all the way.
This is a tough question. It all depends on how much crushing power the bionic hand has. If we're talking plastic cup crushing power, then I'll take the hook, but if we're talking skull crushing, terminator style, don't F with me power, then duh, the bionic hand.
this was my thought too. i think even the most opinionated drunk person can agree with that.
the drunken argument might come down to if you should mutilate yourself to get a fully bionic arm so that not only can you crush someone's face, you can lift them effortlessly at the same time.
I have to go with the hook hand on this one. If for no other reason than the confused/frightened look on people's faces when you present it for a shake.
I don't know about bionic masturbation...what if something goes terribly awry and the bionic hand malfunctions while its wrapped around your dick causing you to squeeze yourself with bone crushing power? You done popped your dick off and suddenly the hook hand is looking like a much better alternative.
I'm not saying its safer, I'm just saying that with a hook hand the thought of masturbating with it probably won't cross your mind...or even be possible thereby keeping your dick from looking like a stomped on hotdog (with ketchup).
Yeah, except we live in a world where people attempt to use seran wrap and grocery bags as contraceptives. My guess- someone would attempt to wrap a towel around the hook, have it fall off mid yank, and end up with a skewered weiner (with Ketchup...)
hook hand. End of story. Grabbing shit at the grocery store with a hook hand with be priceless. Stabbing apples, and cereal boxes. Hell yah. You think any of the 15yr old pimpled faced kids working there would do anything? no. Except piss their pants with fear. With the bionic hand people would be like, hey im sorry for your loss. With the hook hand people would be whispering 'shit man, that guy probably tried to kill someone important in somalia, and got his hand ripped off by an elephant guard'. Whats cooler than that?
I think that I will have to go with donkey punch on this one. Of course JB and Jacko brought up some interesting points as well. Start with the bionic hand with the hook for a middle finger. Mabey a chainsaw hook. If you take you penis off with the hook,chainsaw or what ever, you can always get it replaced with a bionic (six million dollar) penis. Now you would have a bionic hand with a chainsaw hook middle finger and a bionic dick. This is evolution at its finest.
alright no bullshit, our h.s. metalshop teacher.(mr bradley) lost his hands in vietnam. he has TWO BIONIC HOOK HANDS! think about a hook on each hand that can open like scissors. allowing him to clutch things like pipes, pencils, rulers, etc(i imagine he gave the worst purple nurples ever) this fucking guy taught you how to arc wield. think about that. his car steering wheel has pegs on it... like a boat's thingy. i've seen this guy pop open a beer bottle then flip it to his lips effortlessly, we called him Ze Claw! he's cool
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I'm thinking what you need is some sort of mix of the two. If you can design a bionic hand to look effing scary as hell its a win/win situation. You'll have the badassery of the hook and still retain your ability to type searches for porn.
(36 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
May 29th, 2009 at 02:15 pm
Bionic hand, hands down...was that a pun?
May 29th, 2009 at 03:17 pm
no, you're retarded.
May 29th, 2009 at 03:52 pm
I like how Anonymous is bad mouthing Anonymous.
HAHAHHAHA hahhaha heh Ugh, I wish I was dead.
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May 31st, 2009 at 09:59 am
For a small fee I can see to it that your wish comes true.
May 29th, 2009 at 02:25 pm
This is a tough question. It all depends on how much crushing power the bionic hand has. If we're talking plastic cup crushing power, then I'll take the hook, but if we're talking skull crushing, terminator style, don't F with me power, then duh, the bionic hand.
May 29th, 2009 at 02:49 pm
this was my thought too. i think even the most opinionated drunk person can agree with that.
the drunken argument might come down to if you should mutilate yourself to get a fully bionic arm so that not only can you crush someone's face, you can lift them effortlessly at the same time.
May 29th, 2009 at 02:25 pm
I have to go with the hook hand on this one. If for no other reason than the confused/frightened look on people's faces when you present it for a shake.
May 29th, 2009 at 02:30 pm
Hook hand, any alcohol or seminal fluids on the bionic hand and it either stops working or puts a "death lock" on a special body part.
June 4th, 2009 at 01:31 pm
Then you buy a box of rubber gloves. Duh.
May 29th, 2009 at 02:31 pm
I'll take a fake hand like that dude on Prison Break
May 29th, 2009 at 03:11 pm
I'll go with the "fleshlight" hand.
May 29th, 2009 at 03:13 pm
I don't know about bionic masturbation...what if something goes terribly awry and the bionic hand malfunctions while its wrapped around your dick causing you to squeeze yourself with bone crushing power? You done popped your dick off and suddenly the hook hand is looking like a much better alternative.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
and then you can debate whether to get a bionic penis or a hook penis
May 29th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Really? You think masturbating with a hook would be safe?
May 30th, 2009 at 12:58 am
I'm not saying its safer, I'm just saying that with a hook hand the thought of masturbating with it probably won't cross your mind...or even be possible thereby keeping your dick from looking like a stomped on hotdog (with ketchup).
May 31st, 2009 at 08:16 pm
Yeah, except we live in a world where people attempt to use seran wrap and grocery bags as contraceptives. My guess- someone would attempt to wrap a towel around the hook, have it fall off mid yank, and end up with a skewered weiner (with Ketchup...)
May 29th, 2009 at 03:14 pm
Bionic hand... with a hook for a middle finger.
June 4th, 2009 at 01:32 pm
Nice.
May 29th, 2009 at 03:17 pm
Its bionic hand, "hand" down which makes it all the more funny. All jokes aside though fleshlight hand wins no contest.
May 29th, 2009 at 06:35 pm
hook hand. End of story. Grabbing shit at the grocery store with a hook hand with be priceless. Stabbing apples, and cereal boxes. Hell yah. You think any of the 15yr old pimpled faced kids working there would do anything? no. Except piss their pants with fear. With the bionic hand people would be like, hey im sorry for your loss. With the hook hand people would be whispering 'shit man, that guy probably tried to kill someone important in somalia, and got his hand ripped off by an elephant guard'. Whats cooler than that?
May 30th, 2009 at 06:43 am
hahaha just imagining food and shit flyin' everywhere as you rip open whatever you can into your basket
June 1st, 2009 at 01:49 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
May 29th, 2009 at 06:56 pm
Chainsaw arm. Fuck all y'all.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
I think that I will have to go with donkey punch on this one. Of course JB and Jacko brought up some interesting points as well. Start with the bionic hand with the hook for a middle finger. Mabey a chainsaw hook. If you take you penis off with the hook,chainsaw or what ever, you can always get it replaced with a bionic (six million dollar) penis. Now you would have a bionic hand with a chainsaw hook middle finger and a bionic dick. This is evolution at its finest.
May 30th, 2009 at 08:52 am
alright no bullshit, our h.s. metalshop teacher.(mr bradley) lost his hands in vietnam. he has TWO BIONIC HOOK HANDS! think about a hook on each hand that can open like scissors. allowing him to clutch things like pipes, pencils, rulers, etc(i imagine he gave the worst purple nurples ever) this fucking guy taught you how to arc wield. think about that. his car steering wheel has pegs on it... like a boat's thingy. i've seen this guy pop open a beer bottle then flip it to his lips effortlessly, we called him Ze Claw! he's cool
May 30th, 2009 at 09:22 am
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May 30th, 2009 at 03:38 pm
you had me at Bionic Masturbation
May 30th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
This one's easy...
The prosthetic stuff.
It also works for every other LIMB. heh bionic boner
May 30th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Hook all the way man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 31st, 2009 at 02:13 am
With Horny Girls like these, a prosthetic hand will be far more useful!
May 31st, 2009 at 03:14 am
hook so i could tell small children i am a pirate so they will give me thire candy.
May 31st, 2009 at 09:57 am
I'm thinking what you need is some sort of mix of the two. If you can design a bionic hand to look effing scary as hell its a win/win situation. You'll have the badassery of the hook and still retain your ability to type searches for porn.
May 31st, 2009 at 10:51 am
bionic hand with hook fingertips = bionic sabertooth
June 2nd, 2009 at 06:14 am
don't forget hook masterbation
June 2nd, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Don't want either, I want a weed whacker attached to the stump.
June 2nd, 2009 at 12:54 pm
also the munson hand
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