If there’s one thing we like to do more than drink, it’s argue about really important stuff, like whether Quentin Tarantino is a visionary or a douchebag. Here’s what it sounds like when we do both at the same time:
Drunken Argument that Quentin Tarantino is a Visionary:
There’s no doubt in my mind that Quentin Tarantino is a visionary and a genius. His body of work alone commands respect: Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, Reservoir Dogs, Jackie Brown. All of these films are great, but let’s forget about his work for a second and talk about him as a person, because that’s what this is all about. If his films alone weren’t enough to make you think that he’s a f*cking genius, how about the way he talks? He’s figured out a way to talk that makes people listen to him. He took a bad Jay Leno impression and mixed it with a kind of gay lisp-y pretentious tone to create the voice of a god. How can you not hang on every word? Especially when he does that thing with his face that makes him look like he just smelled a really bad fart. I’m telling you, this guy knows what he’s doing. And if that’s not enough, this guy is such a visionary that he can just make up how he wants to spell words, and nobody even bats an eye. Case in point: Inglourious Basterds. Yeah, he knows that’s not how you spell it, but he doesn’t give a f*ck. You know why? Because he’s Quentin motherf*ckin’ Tarantino, a visionary, and he can spell the titles of his movies however the hell he wants to…basterd.
Drunken Argument that Quentin Tarantino is a Douchebag:
Here’s a good question that you can ask someone to determine if they’re a Tarantino fan or not: imagine you’re walking down the street, and you notice an enormous pile of wet, slimy, steaming dog shit. You also notice that there’s a quarter sticking out of the dog shit, but there’s no way you can get the quarter out without just digging through the shit with your bare hands. Would you go for the quarter? If you answered Yes to this question, then you’re a Tarantino fan, because it’s the same exactly f*cking thing. Every Tarantino movie is like a five minute short film stretched out into 2 hours (and sometimes 4 hours). QT knows that he’s only got five minutes of story, too, and so he just throws pounds and pounds of useless f*cking boring-ass dialogue to convolute everything and make it seem artsy and cool. Is there anyone out there who honestly likes all of Pulp Fiction from start to finish? No, there isn’t. There are people who really like specific scenes of Pulp Fiction, but the movie as a whole is disjointed and stupid. Were the Kill Bill movies anything more than just really awesome fight scenes bridged together by useless f*cking exposition of a shitty, half-assed plot drenched in witty catchphrases? No, they weren’t. Having said that, I’m still going to see Inglorious Basterds this weekend, but only because it’s about killing Nazis, and that’s worth digging through a pile of steaming dog shit for. In closing, Quentin Tarantino can lick my balls. In fact, I’ll crouch down in a pile of cocaine first, so that he’ll be more comfortable with it. F*ckin’ Jagoff.