If there’s one thing we like to do more than drink, it’s argue
about really stupid things, like what’s better: real boobs or fake boobs? Here’s what it looks like when we do both
at the same time:
Drunken Argument That Real Boobs are Better:
Real boobs are way better than fake ones for a variety of reasons. First off, the name says it all: "real". Real is always better than fake. Would you rather have real cheese, or fake cheese? A real Christmas tree or a fake one? A real girlfriend, or one of those weird-ass pillow girls that are popular in Japan right now? If that’s not enough to convince you that real boobs are better, then how about the fact that real boobs can sustain life? How is your starving baby supposed to eat through a plastic balloon? Speaking of breast milk, you know it makes real boobs bigger, right? In fact, a lot of things can change the size of real boobs, so just even thogh you’ve been in a relationship with the same girl for many years, you’re still going to get a variety out of her real boobs without having to stray. Finally, it really comes down to trust. Sure, fake boobs might look good from afar, but once you get your hands on those skin-covered stones, the only thoughts crossing your mind will be ones of disappointment and deceit. If this woman is willing to lie about her physical appearance, how could you ever trust her medically altered life? What else does she have that’s fake? Once this question makes it into your mind, you’ll never be able to get a boner, I promise you. Just avoid the stress altogether and go with 100% natural real boobs.
Drunken Argument That Fake Boobs are Better:
Fake boobs are way better than real boobs for about a million different reasons. First off, they’re predictable. It doesn’t matter what position a girl is standing, sitting, or laying in; her fake boobs are always going to be perky and perfect. She could be laying flat on her back and her boobs would still be pointing straight up, like two brilliant St. Peter’s Cathedral domes. Real boobs are also subject to variations in a girl’s hormone levels, which is why her boobs will get bigger/smaller depending on what time of the month it is. You don’t have to deal with any of that when you’re working with fake boobs. They’re always going to be whatever size you paid for. Secondly, fake boobs are completely customizable, which is why girls get them to begin with. You want them firm and natural-sized? You can do that! You want them cartoonishly huge? You can do that too, my friend! Real boobs are only as big as nature wants them to be. Fake boobs can be whatever you want! It’s like having a body made of legos! Really expensive legos! Thirdly, fake boobs are better because they’re featured in most of the porn that you watch. Let’s face it: when you’re banging a real live chick, you’re trying to replicate the scenarios you see in porn movies as closely as you can. Odds are pretty good that the girl you’re hooking up with will not be wearing clear 7-inch platform heels, and you probably aren’t a cable repair guy with a 13-inch dong, but you can’t expect it to be exactly the same as the porn you watch. You’re just trying to get as close as you can. Fake boobs are a huge step in that direction (no pun intended), and your sexual experience, awkward and clumsy as it will most certainly be, is going to seem more like a super-hot porn scene thanks to those big fake titties. In conclusion, it’s 2010 and people 50 years ago expected humans to be completely cyborged out by now, which means that fake boobs are the future!
What Do You Think: Fake Boobs or Real Boobs?