If there’s one thing we like to do more than drink, it’s
argue about really
stupid things, like what would be a cooler super power: shapeshifting, or teleportation? Here’s what it looks like when
we do both at the same time:
Drunken Argument for Shapeshifting:
Shapeshifting is way cooler than teleportation. Teleportation is just another form of transportation, on par with the invention of air travel. Sure, it’d be pretty badass for a few days, but then it would start to get lame. You’d always be expected to be on time. Gone is the excuse that there was too much traffic. It really just seems like a f*cking drag. Besides, who really wants the ability to get to work 20 minutes faster? Shapeshifting, on the other hand, is super f*cking cool. Who wouldn’t want the ability to turn into anything you wanted? Oh, that hot chick’s into black dudes? BAM! Shift into a black dude, bang the hot chick with the nice ass, and dunk a basketball for the first time ever. The possibilities are endless. Do you have a sick sense of humor and no shame? Shift into your best friends girlfriend and bang your best friend — wait, hear me out on this one — bang the hell out of your best friend. I mean really, really bang him good. Then, when he’s about to cum, shift into his mom and scar him for life. The look on his face will be priceless, and who really cares, right?! Not you. You’ll just shift into that black dude again, dunk a few basketballs, then go lay some pipe. Shapeshifting wins.
Drunken Argument for Teleportation:
If you really had a super power, you’d use it for three things: getting rich, getting pussy, and being awesome. For these goals, teleporting is much more convenient and useful than shapeshifting. With teleportation, you just do exactly what the kid did in Jumper: wait until a bank is closed, teleport into the vault, and have a heyday. Teleportation makes everything much quicker and easier. Getting hot chicks to sleep with you would be way easier with teleportation, because you’d be filthy rich and hot chicks like guys with money no matter how ugly they are. With shapeshifting, you’d constantly be shifting into different dudes for different girls, and it would get confusing. You’d have to remember that the hot chick who works at the Gap likes you as a mexican cholo dude, and the weird girl at the coffee shop only likes you if you look like her grandpa, or whatever. Also, eventually you’d get that whole "nobody likes me for who I really am" complex that all shapeshifters get, which would turn you into a total pussy. With teleportation, the hot girl would be boning you, not some cholo dude or her grandpa or whoever you had to turn into to make her sleep with you. As an added bonus, you could bone her in the Amazon, or on top of the Goodyear Blimp, or wherever the f*ck else you want to bone, and that would be awesome. Finally: can a shapeshifter instantly appear in Marissa Miller’s bathroom while she’s showering? No. All a shapeshifter can do is pretend to be the maid and "accidentally" walk in on her. Then you’d look like an ass, and you’d get her real poor immigrant maid fired. Teleportation wins this one, hands down.
What do you think? Shapeshifting or Teleportation?
Courtney Love & Muppet Sexual Assault
Playboy’s Big Dance March Madness Bracket Challenge
I’ll take teleportation. Airline travel sucks these days. No more “security” lines or baggage fees! Or travel insurance!
“Shift into your best friends girlfriend and bang your best friend — wait, hear me out on this one — bang the hell out of your best friend. I mean really, really bang him good. Then, when he’s about to cum, shift into his mom and scar him for life. The look on his face will be priceless”
ummm… does no one else find this incredibly gay / disturbing? sex is a great motivator to choose shape-shifting, but this argument is backwards. duh, you’re supposed to turn into your best friend and bang his girlfriend, not bang your best friend for laughs. that’s just gross. but if done correctly, you could bang any chick. just find out who they’re already banging, impersonate them, and show up for a little afternoon delight. you don’t even have to say anything, just show up, and have hot, no-talk sex.
still… i’d pick teleportation. buuurp
While teleportation is indeed fun is basically boils down to being somewhere else really fast. Awesome if you are habitually late but eventually you will get to a point where you realize that there is no where you need to be that quick or that remote.
Now shapeshifting!
Richard Gere on camera robbing a bank?
President Obama naked in 1st class on a plane?
Brad Pitt eats at subway in a small town in Iowa?
So many possibilities.
What about “holytaco staff employee seen jerking off to ebaums videos?”
Shapeshifter, then I could change into Nightcrawler and be able to teleport, too
With shapeshifting, you could shift into a being who is able to teleport.
OK SERIOUSLY, FUCK TURNING INTO THESE PEOPLES BOYFRIENDS, SHAPESHIFT INTO THE GIRL HERSELF, THEN GET FUGGIN NAKED!!! ANY GIRL YOU COULD EVER WANT TO SEE NAKED. DONE!!
*coughing and wheezing*
I ran…for 20 damn minutes….to get here
*more wheezing*
I have….pains in my chest, but….it was worth it…
*coughing*
Now, i can say that I’m F…FIR…FIR…
*collapses*
First! hahahaha fucker passed out
Both comments above made me laugh.
It is important that I stay happy.
If I’m not, sometimes I cut myself.
teleportation definitely. plus with teleporting you could do the Weapon 11 fighting thing from X Origins
Dude! Shapeshifting is Da Shit man! LIke WOW
Jess
http://www.total-anonymity.cz.tc
I’ll take teleporting over shapeshifting, even though Samuel Jackson will come looking to kill me.
That’s the thing. Why they teleport to another place in the room when they can do it to another place in the planet?..it’ll be impossible to track you..big mistake in the movie..you know how easy is to kill someone?..Drop him in the middle of the sea, you can follow them and kill their families…really easy..Shapshifting it’s lame and gay.
Shapeshifting, it’s lame and gay… just like me!!!
Shit kid, you must have an IQ no higher than room temperature! CONGRATULATIONS!!! You FINALLY figured out how to accurately clone a pseudonym! How many weeks did it take you to crack the obvious, eh?
And you wonder why I call you a fuckwit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
–
Could Dead_Frankz be more of a spastic? Jesus fucking Christ!!!
teleportation ftw
Both are so awesome, I would do some really nasty sh!t if I could Shapeshift
But teleportation is my favorite!
teleportation ft(argument)w, shapeshifting ft(cooler superpower)w.
why not shapeshift into a teleporter??? Me ftw
well. played.
+1 for Guy. well played indeed.
now for the sake of the argument: though shapeshifting provides a choice of possibilities, i’d still pick teleportation. Basically loads of money, living anywhere on the planet – you wouldn’t need to not be late anywhere, you just don’t have to do anything. + investigating other planets and shit = win