If there’s one thing we like more than
drinking, it’s
arguing about really stupid things, like if Avatar should win the Best Picture Oscar on Sunday. Here’s what it looks like when we do both at the same time:
Drunken Argument That Avatar is Awesome:
I don’t know about you, but I live in a world that sucks. I can’t have sex with someone I just met, let alone someone from a distant, far-off land without first covering my penis with a greasy latex trash bag that makes sex unenjoyable and boring. If I want to take a dump at work, I have to make a Squirrel’s Nest on the toilet seat with paper so I don’t get orange, coagulated piss stuck to my ass cheeks. The last time I tried to jump on the back of a wild creature, I got a hoof to the balls, not a spiritual connection with the animal. But when I went to see Avatar, all my problems melted away. I was suddenly in a world that didn’t suck so bad. The people were in tune with nature. No one was building toilet paper nests so they could take a crap at work, and wild beast-like dragons were tamed and flown through the sky. James Cameron created this world that is so amazing that people were actually committing suicide after the thought of never being able to actually live in it. Avatar should win best picture because it completely sucks you in. It captivates you and holds your attention for the entire time you’re there. It takes you out of your own shitty reality and into a new world that’s wonderful, and you forget about your shitty problems for a while. That’s exactly what a movie should do, and that’s exactly why Avatar should win Best Picture.
Drunken Argument That Avatar is Crappy:
First off, that end part there where you got all sappy about Avatar was probably the gayest series of phrases you’ve ever written. Secondly, you’re dead wrong. Avatar is a really beautiful crappy movie. Following in the footsteps of graphically ground-breaking films like Tron and Mrs. Doubtfire (arguably the best example of the "Funny guy in drag for the whole movie" genre), Avatar is a film that’s overloaded with visual spectacle and malnourished in the originality and story department. It’s like a fat kid who goes to an all-you-can-eat salad bar and only eats bowl after bowl of soft serve ice cream. By now we’ve all heard the criticisms that Avatar‘s shitty plot is exactly the same as Pocahontas and Ferngully, two shitty movies that were made for kids. Shitty plot aside, however, the attribute that seems to set Avatar apart from its competition are its ridiculously expensive special effects, but with the exception of a few select scenes, I thought some of the animation looked kind of shitty, though, considering how much it was touted before the movie came out. James Cameron has gone out of his way to emphasize the revolutionary motion capture technology that was utlilized in the filming of Avatar, and how it was really amazing because they could render the motion capture graphics in real-time while they were shooting it. What he somehow managed to overlook is that nobody except for him f*cking cares about how that movie was made. If I made a painting out of my own shit, and then before I showed it to you I said "now keep in mind that it took me three years to collect enough of my own shit to make this painting, and it was also really revolutionary, because I had to strictly control what I ate for three years so that my shit would come out in all the different colors that I used for the painting." You’d still be like, "Dude, your painting smells like shit." James Cameron made this movie as a visual spectacle that would sell popcorn and movie tickets, and that’s all it is. It’s got no plot and no substance. It satisfies the "Motion Picture Sciences" part that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is looking for, but unfortunately the only thing artful about it is that same science part. Ultimately, Avatar is like a dead clown: it looks colorful and entertaining and fantastic and fun, but it’s completely lifeless, and that’s why it shouldn’t win the Oscar. Also, why was the Sigourney Weaver avatar so f*cking creepy?!
What Do You Think? Is Avatar Good or Crappy?
Graphics aside, Avatar managed to excel itself in one way. . . redefining the term ‘overhyped’. Avatar = Epic fail, even with Sexy Sigourney Weaver
Yup, I agree that Avatar sucked. Plot/story sucked ass, and everything else followed suit. Who gives a shit if the graphics and visuals were really good?
If DonkeyXote did a movie about his Mexican Bible Studies with absolutely stunning graphics and realistic visuals (something that makes me shudder), would it make a great movie? I want to say no but ….maybe?
If there had been a different ending in wich the humans just nuked the crap out of the natives (or jews as that nazi-jew up there stated) server-tree it would have been a great movie, but oh noez poor underdeveloped natives get their crappy happy ending…
In reality humans would have won that skirmish as easily as stealing candy from from a baby, but you americans can’t do a movie where there is no happy ending… just isn’t possible in your way of thinking.
Movie should have been European, at least those blue freaks would have been assraped by catholic priests at some point during the movie…
Hell those blue things didn’t even have w-lan connections to their world… soooo laaaaame !!!
District 9 ! Thats how you do it ! Had sort of a happy ending. Though not really a happy ending. Cause thats how life is ! So suck on that Cameron !
So to sum it all up: Crappy movie ! Doesn’t deserve an Oscar !
Heard it’s a Pocahontas ripoff so I’ve been somewhat reluctant to see it.
And woopdie-fucking-doo if the visual effects are the hottest thing since hominids became fully bipedal, you also gotta have a good storyline to back it up, specially for a three-and-a-half-hour movie!!
i grew to the thought of the female avatar…
fuck you smalls. Sigourney Weaver is for my fat dick only.
avatar beautifully captures the jewish narrative, like the na’avi the jews are hominids who are in tune with nature
like the na’avi the jews are being exploited, look at all the rich, super educated successful jews in america, but you mother fucking americans elected a jew hating president,
why do you americans hate jews even though we virtually run your country?
jewlicious.com
avatar was awesome in 3d when i was baked there should be an oscar for that
You guys are really, really bad at similes.
avatar sucked ass. end of story.
LOL, damn, that’s a haymaker.
your mom’s penis was also awesome when you were baked, should there be an oscar for that too!
Then I don’t think the Jews are doing too much of a hot job running your country considering that the Chinese virually own America!
Jewrrible.com
Don’t worry, if I were to make a movie I’ll make sure to hire you to clean the cum off your mum’s back after all the guys are done.
FernGully was NOT a shitty movie.
Avatar was absolutely amazing. Stop hating, I’d like to see all you hates try to make such a movie. It took 10 years to make for a reason, so give the guy credit! The Hurt Locker is somewhat just another war movie, Avatar is totally different, it’s something unique.
haters*
Ugh…I have to say, that was the lamest argument ever for Avatar. “It just whisks you away from this world into its own”..??? Avatar WAS a shitty movie hiding behind some special animation.
I think avatar has that high quality to be the Oscar winner
http://www.hindlist.com
You are a fucking hippy. Fuck you. In tune with nature my ass, you think I didn’t see you pissing on that tree yesterday? Fuck you.
Floppy tits, ftw. There are no rags, sorry…use your tongue though. I ate pineapple this morning, so it should taste sweet.
I’m so glad to find out that I wasn’t the only person who thought that this movie was a steaming pile of shit.
I just can’t be entertained by a movie in which I can see everything coming five miles away.
As an example, was there ANYONE watching the movie that didn’t KNOW that Jake was going to ride the big flying dinosaur thing the moment that his new girlfriend told him the legend?
That’s how the whole movie was for me.
All the wonderful visuals in the world can’t make up for an extremely predictable, formulaic plot.
Oh…just wondering…did anyone else wonder why Jake didn’t instruct his warriors to fly over the top of those hover-ships with big rocks, and drop them down into the rotors?
Just a thought…
I changed my thought you guys, I will clean up the cum, since I’ve been cleaning up the jizz my tranny mom and sequential hermaphrodite sister leave on my disgustng man boobs for years, also I fucking love Nicolas Cage in a thong!
I laugh at your failure to dis Avatar. But as far as District 9 goes, it was OK movie. Really boring in the beginning with a little bit of action at the end.
Oh… did anyone else wonder why I’m so gay?
This movie was so bad that I would literally saw my thumbs off to avoid giving it a good rating… even while high.
Awww…what’s the matter?
Did I hurt someones feelings by daring to criticize James Cameron’s 300 million dollar Pocahontas remake?
Evidently so, since you thought it necessary to pose as me and ask that question.
I’m sorry if you are only possessed of a double digit I.Q. and therefore didn’t find Avatar EXTREMELY predictable.
What’s wrong poser?
You didn’t think of dropping rocks in the rotors and so you’re angry with anyone who did?
Cry me a river Gerbil Boy.
BTW-How many Oscars did Averagetar win?
Surely it won for best picture, right?
Best director?
Hmmm?
Just kidding. Cameron scrapes me cave walls.
I am sadly dissapointed that Jim Cameron did not get to walk into the stage sunday night, I beleive that if there was one person that truly deserve that honor that night, it was certainly him. Unless I have the wrong impression of the criteria for selecting a “Best Picture” should be, I certainly think Avatar packed them all in one, and not just great grounbreaking CGI effects. Granted, its not a perfect movie, but who in their right mind would dare tell me “Hurt Locker” or any of the other nominees were? It gives me great consolation to think that Jim probably doesn’t care that much for it. Jim, as greatly talented as he is, probably did not have Oscars as goals for this challenge, rather I think he cared more about expressing his vision of a possible future for humanity and I for one aknowkedge he did a superb job that probably took enormous effort and a mother load of physical and mental energy from him,and that should have been rewarded!!
For greatly sharing your wisdom and vision with the rest of us in such a enlighting and delightful way, special thanks Mr.Cameron! future generations will thank you for Avatar.
For the record: if the AVATAR movie poster was honest, it would say “BESTIALITY” and the summary – “A disabled, heart broken man gets the hots for a tritium painted blue elf while on tour on another planet. He ends up turning on humanity, only to find they have a secret agenda to win his trust and affection and ultimately turn him into one of them using witchcraft and a large tree. They will succeed in this by having a massive orgy in an area with some electroluminescent wires running around. [...]“
Avatar was a beautiful spectacle. should it win an oscar? not for best picture.
the visual effects for the most part were great. you’re right, some of them when they jumped and stuff.. the perspective and simulated movements were a joke especially in contrast with the motion captured real movements.
that said, it’s still a groundbreaking technology that they can only improve on over time. so all in all.. it’s a WIN.
storywise, it’s James Cameron, he rehashes crap.. at least he rehashed parts of hero mythology that seems to work over and over throughout history..
Hobocop is a better movie than Avatar.
soooo true… bravo… avatar sucks!!!
I thought AVATAR was a great movie, but I wish that James Cameron hadn’t made it. Movies like AVATAR are the food source for posers. People with no personality of their own leach off of whatever is popular. I think we all remember the Twilight pandemic…
Dude, you are completely right!
not to mention the food source for losers who hate something due to it’s immense popularity.
..as if they could do any better.
I think this article should win an Oscar.
This movie sucked so bad. Effects were good but the plot was VERY predictable. Pretty much spent Millions on a movie about some pussy loving and you win Oscars. H. Locker and District 9 were better movies.
Dude, Avatar should win in EVERY catagory there is, in fact they should just give ALL of the awards to Avatar and let everyone else stay home.
Jess
http://www.total-anonymity.us.tc
I totally agree, I can’t believe it didn’t win best picture.