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Drunken Argument Friday: Is Valentine’s Day Awesome, or Stupid?

If there’s one thing we like to do more than drink, it’s argue about really stupid stuff, like whether Valentine’s Day is awesome or completely shitty. Here’s what it looks like when we do both at the same time:
Drunken Argument that Valentine’s Day is Awesome:
Everyone knows that Valentine’s Day is a holiday created by greeting card companies to give people a reason to spend millions of dollars on their products and perpetuate gender stereotypes.  That’s common knowledge, and that would be a very good reason to hate Valentine’s Day, if it wasn’t for the one reason why Valentine’s Day is awesome: it’s practically a guarantee that you’re going to get laid on Valentine’s Day.  If you have a wife or a girlfriend already, it’s easy.  You don’t even have to buy some big, lavish, expensive-ass gift for her, because you just did that six f*cking weeks ago for Christmas.  All you have to do is get the traditional, cliche Valentine’s Day gifts that are avalailable at any Walgreens, grocery store, or your local gas station.  Pick up a nice pink/red sentimental card with a picture of a cute baby animal on it, write something vaguely sappy in it, and get a cheap bouquet of flowers.  That’s all you have to do to get laid on Valentine’s Day.  Think about it: have you ever heard anyone say something like: "I see you’re admiring my beautiful tudor mansion.  My husband got it for me for Valentine’s Day a while back."? No. Nobody ever says that, because women don’t expect big lavish things like that.  They’d like to get a house or a car for Valentine’s Day, just like you’d love to get a trampoline with a 20ft. pool right next to it for Bastille Day, but they’re not expecting it.  On Valentine’s Day, the cost of admission into your girlfriend’s vagina drops dramatically. It’s like a Labor Day sales event, except that instead of offering quality refurbished mattresses or used cars, the sale item is a relentless evening of boning.  If you’re single, the price drops even more.  If you walk into a shitty bar at 12:30 on Valentine’s Day, all you have to do is say something to one of the many sobby, mascara-smeared fat chicks and you’re in like Flynn.  Valentine’s Day is no day for standards, but it’s definitely a day for easy boning, and that’s why Valentine’s Day is awesome.

Drunken Argument for Why Valentine’s Day Blows:

Valentine’s Day is an absolute piece of shit holiday.  For starters, you don’t get the day off of work, so it’s not a real holiday in my book.  Secondly, the only reason why you have to buy girls cards and candy and flowers and bullshit overpriced gifts like that is because those companies said that you have to, and now it’s expected.  I’d much rather take the money that I spent on cards, flowers, and candy and use it to get my girlfriend/wife/date completely shitfaced, just like I can do any other night of the year with the same results.  Also I guarantee that if you were to walk into a bar at 12:30 any other night of the year, you’d find the same desperate fat chicks wiping their tears off the bar, and they’d be equally willing so spread their hammy thighs for the small price of a single moment of attention from a man.  That’s not a Valentine’s Day thing, that’s just a fat, lonely girl in a bar thing.  The problem with Valentine’s Day is that it’s created an element of materialism associated with love.  If I were to go to my wife/girlfriend/whatever on Valentine’s Day and say, "hey, honey, I didn’t get you a shitty, worthless, disposable, empty gesture gift for Valentine’s Day. Instead, I’m gonna pay the water bill so that we can continue to shower and drink things on a regular basis", she would be pissed and I would NOT get laid.  Yet that decision would be so much more logical, and a much better gift.  Instead, my wife/girlfriend/whatever will be sitting in the living room at the end of the month with some dead flowers and an overpriced, glittery, pre-written love note, dying of dehydration and smelling like Iron Sheik’s ballsack (and I’m talking about current Iron Sheik).  All I’m saying is: if there’s a day where you’re supposed to express your love for people, then there should also be a day where you’re required to tell the people that you really hate how much you f*cking hate them and wish that something large would fall from the sky and crush them.  It’s got to be all or none.  Until they invent that holiday, Valentine’s Day can lick my taint.
So What Do You Think? Is Valentine’s Day Awesome or Shitty?

19 Responses to "Drunken Argument Friday: Is Valentine’s Day Awesome, or Stupid?"

  1. Pac-Man says:

    I supposed to be hanging out with my girl since about an hour ago. Instead I’m wasting time online trying to avoid her completely. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up before she call’s me up furious because I’m ruining Valentines Day. Fuck this stupid holiday. I treat her nice all the time, but now that I’m expected to today I’m not doing a fucking thing.

  2. Dustin Beeno says:

    Just another Hallmark holiday! LOL


  3. Cock Bag says:

    fuck you all

  4. Ben Affleck says:

    I’d be more into Valentine’s day if I wasn’t all alone, thinking of all the men I am not getting…

    too bad, cause I’m gay

  5. DonkeyBlowMe says:

    Hit up DonkeyXote, he’ll suck your dick for a dollar.

  6. DonkeyXotes Mother says:

    I will do it for free…and give you the courtesy of a reach around while i tongue your bung.

  7. Horace says:

    The sex is kinkier = http://bit.ly/aLVq4D

  8. VD says:

    I get drunk at comedy clubs and yell at the comedians.

  9. DonkeyBlowMe says:

    I flame strangers online and boast about it in school with my friends.

  10. DonkeyXotes Mother says:

    he is trying to get dates for me cause i am a crab infested whore.

  11. Jacob Collins says:

    whats all this bullshit talk about
    ‘its easier to get laid by your GF/wife on valentines day”?
    Its easy as fuck too get pussy from your girlfriend, anytime. If your struggling to get pussy from your wife or GF, you must be a big time sissy fag who probably has to beg your girl just to munch her rug.

    Oh,and Third bitches…..baaaaammmmmmmmm!!!!!

  12. DonkeyBlowMe says:

    Us rapists don’t eat vag so the jokes on you bitch!

  13. Jacob Collin's GF/wife says:

    im a pocket pussy

  14. Gatroid says:

    He’s trying to get me! Oh God

  15. NakedAbeLincoln says:

    It’s not only the date itself, the whole week prior women have been coming at me out of the woodwork. Boned a cute 20 year old redhead on my semi-valentines day because the actual date is filled with studying for an exam. Oh, and there’s another girl who has had a cold this past week, so I’ll be able to fuck her silly this upcoming week.

  16. Alex Awesome says:

    So, as a woman, can I say how stupid and insulting valentine’s day is to everyone involved? I personally don’t want chocolates or stupid little over-priced stuffed animals, or flowers, or fucking cards. I’d much rather go grab a beer and fuck, or, I don’t know, do what we normally do, (which probably involves grabbing a beer and fucking).

    I hate going out to eat on the actual holiday. If we want to go out that week/weekend, we’ll deliberately go another day. Valentine’s day is bullshit for everyone. If women expect to be treated nicely on that day, they’re idiots. If you aren’t being treated nicely every day, fuck you and your bullshit relationship. For guys, if they expect to get laid on that day, seriously? Find a girl who enjoys sex and won’t turn it into some bizarre power play. Then you won’t have to barter small trinkets and candy in order to fuck her. She’ll actually *gasp* enjoy having sex with you the rest of the year.

  17. Anonimous says:

    I beg to differ, I HAD a girl who enjoyed sex with me, and since we are not in a relationship (just sex) i didn’t call her or give her any present for valentine’s. Big error. She called me and told me that I just wanted her for fuck, and she told me that I must forget her, she won’t be with me never again. So… “Find a girl who enjoys sex and won’t turn it into some bizarre power play” I’ts not the solution

  18. Some Random Dude says:

    Considering that I got high, drunk. and laid today, valentines day rocks. Now I just need some help line phone numbers for rape victims.

  19. SexFTW says:

    I gotta say that getting high, drunk, and laid today is only the beginning of my day as well!