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Drunken Argument Friday: VW Beetle, or PT Cruiser?

 
If there’s one thing we like to do more than drink, it’s argue about really important stuff like if we would rather drive a Volkswagen Beetle, or a PT Cruiser.  Here’s what it sounds like when we do both at the same time:
 
Drunken Argument for the VW Beetle:
 
 
Unlike the PT Cruiser, which was super-gay right of the blocks, the Beetle didn’t start out that way.  The Beetle just sort of became gay somehow, kind of like Will Smith.  Hitler commissioned the building of the first Beetles.  That guy hated gay stuff.  You think he would’ve commissioned the building of a gay car, so that him and his Third Reich buddies could look like a bunch of wussies?  No way!  Hitler wouldn’t be caught dead driving a PT Cruiser.  The PT Cruiser looks like something that Rip Taylor would roll up in, and then he would roll his window down and toss a handful of glitter into the air.  I’m not even mentioning the fact that the "PT" in PT Cruiser stans for "Penis Toucher".  Oh, you didn’t know that?  Well, it’s a fact.  Look it up.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be caught dead inside of anything that’s called a Penis Toucher.  I just wouldn’t feel comfortable, y’know, being inside of it.  Let’s not forget that super-badass Herbie the Lovebug was a Beetle.  That cool ass car was as straight as it gets.  First off, it was a rad race car, and secondly, Lindsey Lohan rode it like a cowgirl (*fist pounding Herbie*).  Sure, the Beetle looks kind of gay now, but it’s just experimenting with the metro look, and tons of chicks are still riding him.  He attracts them with lovely flowers, and then BAM! They’re in.  The Beetle will go back to its old, badass ways after he gets out of this phase he’s in.  There’s no hope for the PT Cruiser, though; it started off gay, it’s still gay, and it will always be gay.  Beetle wins.
 
Drunken Argument for the PT Cruiser:
 
 

The PT Cruiser is definitely the more masculine of these two incredibly gay cars.  It’s the pitcher, if you will.  The PT’s body style, while still completely shitty, suggests that at some point you may have used this car to carry something slightly large, like maybe a vacuum cleaner or a coffee table or something.  Also, there’s a slim chance that you might be able to make a PT Cruiser look somewhat cool, even if it was ironic.  Like, you could put some wood paneling on the side, and then get a miniature surfboard to always carry on top.  Then you could be like, "yes, I do drive a PT Cruiser, but I made it look like an old Woody to be ironic about how crappy my car is."  Most people would be like, "well, it’s still a gay car, but at least he knows it."  With a Beetle, your options are pretty limited.  The least stupid thing you can do with a Beetle is paint it to look like…well, some other kind of small, non-threatening insect.  You’ve got room to carry maybe one of your friends around, and he’d better be a gay friend, because there’s no way a straight dude is riding bitch in a Beetle.  Plus, I had a friend once who (reluctantly) drove a Beetle for a while, and the door handle fell of of it.  The f*cking door handle!  So not only is the Beetle super-gay, but it’s also a piece of shit to boot.  Also, I see a lot of straight black dudes driving PT Cruisers, and straight black dudes tend to do a lot of things that are not only cool, but also decidedly un-gay.  I’ve never seen a cool black guy driving a Beetle.  Never.  There’s one deciding factor, however, that solidifies the PT Cruiser’s status as "slightly less gay than the Beetle": the PT Cruiser doesn’t come with a flower in the cup holder.  You have fun deciding whether you want the sunflower or the daisies that come standard-issue with your Beetle.  I’ll cruise around in a shitty PT Cruiser.  Also, Geek Squad guys drive Beetles.  Enough said.
 

20 Responses to "Drunken Argument Friday: VW Beetle, or PT Cruiser?"

  1. Thunderscrotum says:

    No, no, see … you simply CANNOT use the words “PT Cruiser” and “balls” in the same sentence unless the word “no” is in there too. Fuck the horses.

  2. Ronald McDonald says:

    Both cars are gay…lets leave it at that.

  3. PT Owner says:

    I understand it’s a drunken argument but the best you’ll ever get out of the Vag Washer (VW) beetle is 150 horse and that is with the turbo deisle. At least with the Turbo PT you get 250 horse. No contest More Horse More Balls.

  4. Tim says:

    Not true. My girlfriend has a 2003 turbo beetle (gas) that is stock at 180 hp stock. Although you can modify anything, I don’t believe you can get 250 hp in a stock Penis Cruiser anyway.

  5. philosoraptor says:

    actually, the turbo penis toucher gets 230 hp. which is basically like a really, really muscular yet flamingly homosexual man. let’s just agree that if you drive either one of these fagmobiles, you might as well put a big neon sign on it that says “I TAKE IT UP THE ASS.”

  6. MEL says:

    HMM THATS STRANGE I DRIVE A 2005 PT CRUISER CONVERTIBLE AND I HAPPEN TO BE A BLACK GUY AND I GET ALOT OF POON FROM WOMEN AND I LIVE NEAR THE BEACH. THE PT MAY BE GAY TO THOSE WHO DRINK HATORADE EVERY MORNING BUT TO ME IT IS AWESOME. WHEN THOSE HOES SEE THAT TOP COMING DOWN AT A PUSH OF A BUTTON 10 MINUTES LATER THERE TOPS ARE COMING DOWN IN MY PT. I PULL PLENTY OF ASS WITH MY PT. MAY BE YOU GUYS SHOULD STOP BEING DRUNK LONELY GAYTARDS AND GO OUT AND GO OUT AND MEET REALLY HOT WOMEN LIKE I DO AND BUY A PT CRUISER. WOMEN LOVE THEM THEY ARE CHICK MAGNETS ESPECIALLY THE CONVERTIBLE.

    RESPECTFULLY

    MEL

    POST SCRIPTUS

    NEO NAZI BEETLE DRIVERS ARE GAY.

  7. DrunkBastardisdrunk says:

    LIsten u commie bastard! just cus its 2pm doesnt meam u cant b drunk! u lightweight, penis lovin, anti-poon car driving PT bastard!

  8. um what says:

    Its not a Drunken Argument if you don’t actually make it while you’re drunk. Posting it at 2pm just doesn’t make it very convincing.

  9. Jacula says:

    that boxy honda thingy wins in gayness, because it looks like closet.

  10. Wint says:

    wakes of life?!

  11. Ashley says:

    The flower vase holder has its own spot in the VW Beetle. There are two cup holders available in the front seat, and two in the back. Also, VW Beetles only look gay when a guy is driving it. That being said, the Beetle is vastly superior to the PT Cruiser in all wakes of life. The end.

  12. Steve says:

    Oh the only car that’s more gay is something completly unrelated? Thanks “Big Larry;” how about you stay on topic from now on.

  13. The Douchealist says:

    the hhr is gay, i looked it up and big larry is right. so do us all a favor and finish up the blowjob you are giving before you decide to comment next time.

  14. Big Larry says:

    The only thing more gay than the Penis Toucher Cruiser is the Chevy HHR. Look it up.

  15. Thezodiac says:

    Herbie over PeeWee Loser anyday

  16. YoMommaSoFat says:

    When I saw photos of a PT Cruiser before I’d ever seen one on the road, I thought it looked awesome, like an old prohibition Gangster car.

    I finally saw one parked on the street pretty far away and I started walking towards it excitedly to see it up close. After about 5 steps I banged my shin on its bumper. Turned out it was right in front of me, only it was the size of a little baby penis. I laughed and laughed… just like when I first saw YOUR baby penis.

  17. LASERS says:

    this is easily the dumbest fucking comment ever. anywhere. ever. thanks jackass. please never say anything again ever

  18. LASERS says:

    “IMO the PT just looks like a shitty old ”

    take that old people. and yea its true, i’ve seen pt cruisers with ridiculous old “half moon” hubcaps that stick out like mofos.

  19. Steve is gay says:

    Hey retard… if you did the research, or weren’t too busy sucking dicks like a bitch, you would know that the HHR is Chevrolet’s answer to the PT Cruiser. It looks almost identical, just a little bit gayer, so to be fair this comment wasn’t off topic at all. Maybe next time you should just shut your shimmering cock trap and leave the comments section to those who are informed and not whiny pole sitters. That being said, seriously, the Beetle has got to be the gayest car ever built Hitler or no Hitler. Just look at that thing, it screams “pound my asshole”. IMO the PT just looks like a shitty old person’s car.

  20. Gaijin says:

    “The PT Cruiser looks like something that Rip Taylor would roll up in, and then he would roll his window down and toss a handful of glitter into the air.”

    LMAO!!!