If there’s one thing we like to do more than drink, it’s argue about really important stuff, if getting shot is worse than getting stabbed. Here’s what it sounds like when we do both at the same time:
Drunken Argument that Getting Shot is Worse:
Getting shot is so much worse than getting stabbed it’s not even in the same ball field. No one has ever been stabbed so hard that the other side of their head exploded. If that was the case, then maybe Lee Harvey Oswald would have thrown a hand full of knives at Kennedy. Not only that, but there are so many different varieties of gun and caliber of bullet, it makes the lethal possibilities almost endless. Large Pistol, small pistol, rifle, shotgun, Tommy gun, (not the boxer) potato gun. There is no such thing as a potato knife, is there? No, there isn’t. And if you tried to come at me with a potato knife, I would eat that knife as you pushed it towards my face and then I’d bite your fingers, winning the battle. Knives are deadly, but only as deadly as the man using it. A gun inflicts the same damage, no matter who is using it. It’s like they say: knives don’t kill people, especially weak people with knives made of potatoes.
Drunken Argument that Being Stabbed is Worse:
Getting stabbed is way worse than getting shot. There are stories all the time of people getting shot and not knowing it. You’ve never heard anybody say, “Yeah, so I was just fishing in a lake near a knife-throwing range, and then all of a sudden my leg started hurting. I guess I must’ve gotten stabbed.” That never happens, because when you get stabbed, you f*ckin’ know it. Also, if someone stabs you, they’re probably not just going to stab you once. Why would they? Once you have a knife in your possession, the stabs that come from it are free. Bullets, on the other hand, are expensive. There’s a monetary incentive for someone to not shoot you. With a knife, less stabs actually means that you’re getting less value for your money. It’s also a lot easier to get stabbed with a knife because everybody has one. There’s probably a knife of some kind within 10 feet of you right now, and someone could easily stab you with it. If there’s a gun within a hundred yards of you, there’s a pretty good chance that it’s behind lock-and-key. Finally, gunshot scars look way cooler than knife scars. Gunshot scars equal street cred. Multiple knife scars just make people think that you had a cyst removed by your drunk frat buddy, who’s surgical knowledge comes solely from watching the DVD box set of E.R. If scars are any gauge, then getting stabbed is way worse than getting shot.