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Drunken Argument Friday: Who Would Win in a Fist Fight Between Van Halen and AC/DC?

If there’s one thing we like to do more than drink, it’s argue about really important stuff, like who would win in a fist fight: Van Halen, or AC/DC? Here’s what it sounds like when we do both at the same time:
Drunken Argument for Van Halen
I choose Van Halen to win this fight, but only if I can have Sammy Hagar instead of David Lee Roth.  If this were a music argument, it would be a different story, but it’s not.  I need to go with the Van Halen with the most muscle power and brute strength, and that’s Hagar all the way.  He just seems like he has way more old man strength.  David Lee Roth is the kind of guy that would talk a lot of shit, but when it came time for stuff to go down, he’d run away and leave you to be beaten to death by a group of Aussie hooligans.  Sure, AC/DC has one more band member than Van Halen, and these two bands are probably neck-and-neck when it comes to drug and alcohol abuse, so using that as an advantage isn’t going to work, but Van Halen has one thing going for them that sets them over the edge: they’re fighting a dude in shorts.  At no point in the history of the world has anyone fighting in shorts ever won.  Never.  And they’re not just regular shorts, either.  It’s a f*ckin’ schoolboy uniform.  It would almost be different if Angus Young wore khaki shorts and a fanny pack, because that’d kind of be like Van Halen fighting your drunken dad on vacation.  I could almost see AC/DC winning if that were the case, but it’s a schoolboy uniform, and that loses every single time.
Drunken Argument for AC/DC

It’s obvious that AC/DC would kick the living shit out of Van Halen.  I’ll even give you the benefit of scheduling the fight post-the death of Bon Scott, who died from basically being too f*cking crazy to live.  These boys are from Australia, a place where people make up crazy words like "barbie" and "crikey", and punch each other in the face for making up words that don’t sound ridiculous enough.  Aside from that, AC/DC is the flag ship of hard rock.  Sure, rock bands were partying and being crazy before AC/DC came around (see: The Who), but AC/DC was one of the first bands to just be like, "F*ck it.  We like to party
. In fact, pretty much all of our songs are about f*cking, partying so hard that we die, or kicking your ass." If Malcolm and Angus Young don’t bash somebody’s face in, they consider it an uneventful night.  When AC/DC was cycling through leadmen in their earlier days, they used to frequently get into fist fights and beat up their trial singers.  Yeah, that’s right: these guys regularly beat the shit out of
each other.
  They’ll have absolutely no problem kicking this piss out of a bunch of pretty boys from Pasadena. It’s a simple matter of pure badassedness. Angus’s ripping guitar solo will last longer than this fight, because AC/DC is TNT. Dynamite. They’ll win the fight. They’re the power-load (whatever that means). Watch them explode…a tornado of Aussie fists all over Sammy Hagar’s pudgy, swollen face. 


35 Responses to "Drunken Argument Friday: Who Would Win in a Fist Fight Between Van Halen and AC/DC?"

  1. balls says:

    Dude, shoulda picked Diamond Dave, he knows fucking martial arts!

  2. Stick says:

    So we’re not talking about thier music even though they’re two bands, alright…. Either way, AC/DC is better. AC/DC is harder than that pansy Van Halen crap. (Even though, I’ll admit thie first album was alright.)
    One thing that AC/DC could do that VH couldn’t, transion lead vocalists.

  3. Hektor says:

    AC “fuckin’” DC would kill. They’re AUSTRALIANS for crying out loud. 30 seconds from the beginning of the fight, VH would be face down in pools of blood, beer, and shattered glass.

  4. Ivan Baird says:

    You all seem to forget (maybe never knew?!?!) that David Lee Roth os a black belt?!?!?!?!

  5. queeftard says:

    and YOU seem to forget (maybe never knew?!?!) that the article says “but only if I can have Sammy Hagar instead of David Lee Roth,” so it doesn’t matter ?!?!?!?!?exclamationpoint?!?!?!?!questionmark?!?!?!!?

  6. Melanie says:

    People, people, PLEASE! Let’s remember that this is a ‘Drunken Argument’ and not get upset with the authors for their drunken choices.
    And, incidentally, AC/DC would beat the shit out of those whiney little bitches and send them to Hell where Bon Scott would stop raping Satan just long enough to shit in their mouths.

  7. Ivan Baird says:

    You seem to misunderstand that I was TALKING TO THE AUTHOR! ;-)
    In an all out battle, minus Davy, I’d go with AC/DC… And, if you include Bon Scott, then I’d probably stick with the Aussies!
    Dude – remember, it’s an internet battle, the fanciful is the only way to go! ;-) ;-) ;-)

  8. Ivan Baird says:

    Hah – Bon would manage do both at the same time! ;-)

  9. clubf00t says:

    ACDC…no contest

  10. Rock Authority says:

    ALL THESE RACIST ROCKERS ARE JEWISH, or like the world of goyim to think they are. There are too many retards here with no grasp of facts to continue this comment. ACDC and Van Halen are great axe bands, but maybe not so great if they and the other jews like Kike Kiss let the gentiles have a shot at it too. You suckers here have heard more than you deserve, keep dreaming about who is a jew, and who isn’t a jew on the music scene. THEY ALL ARE you FUCKTARDS! :P

  11. jewish guy says:

    oh please stop with your faggotry people

    they both suck

    kiss is the best because jewish rockers are the best

    no contest, and to the mooslims……fuck you

  12. splackumz says:

    David Lee Roth is a gymnast. Eddie Van Halen spent 16 hours a day in his room playing guitar and piano. Nobody cares about the other two.

    AC/DC is from a country where they eat mud for breakfast, beer for lunch, and punch each other in the face for dinner. Phil Rudd’s left hook is the stuff of legend, Malcolm Young was an angry drunk and NEVER sober, and if you don’t know how much of a badass Bon Scott was then you shouldn’t even be here.

    And there’s 5 of AC/DC, only 4 Van Halen. One of whom (currently) is in high school. rofls

  13. MrKillson says:

    Jewish Rockers? Isn’t that some sort of paradox that could shatter existence as we know it?

    “Noone is perfect. Well, there was this one guy but the jews killed him.”—MrKillson (c. Feb 26, 1273)

  14. The guy above me is an idiot. says:

    jewish guy is the most retarded person on here. if you are trying to be funny or sarcastic please stop, you aren’t.

    no one cares you or kiss are jewish.

    ac/dc wins hands down.

  15. Mudbutt says:

    “At no point in the history of the world has anyone fighting in shorts ever won. Never.”

    What do professional boxers wear again?

  16. philosoraptor says:

    I know, right?!? that was so fucking fucktarded i can’t believe philosopher didn’t write it.

  17. dangitbobby says:

    no, you meant to say – “dude, you’re frickin awesome. Van Halen is a piece of shit.”

    you’re welcome.

  18. capitain chode says:

    fuck the jonas brothers

  19. Van Halen Sucks Farts Out Of Car Seats says:

    oh gee, I don’t know, AC/DC maybe? they rock ass, and Van Halen are fuckin’ pussies. fuckin’ Jonas Brothers would win a fight with Van Halen.

  20. Pro Ear Cleaner says:

    Dude your a peice of shit. Van Halen is frikin awesome.

  21. Steve says:

    My 2 favorite hard rock bands. I listen to VH more often than AC/DC, but yeah AC/DC all the way. It’s nice to hear everyone being for AC/DC winning a fight when they’re all pretty short guys in real life. VH has it’s own guitar hero game coming out (or is it rock band?), now it’s AC/DC’s turn.

  22. Office jerk says:

    Sorry ac/dc would get pummeled’ they are fucking midgets

  23. Dspayre says:

    Your wrong, I’m sorry

  24. Dspayre says:

    Thunder!! nah na na nah na nah na Thunder!!

  25. el robo diablo says:

    keep in mind VH’s current bass player is a pudgy spoiled teenager. i’d say brian johnson and malcom young by themselves would wipe the floor with them.

  26. Bubba says:

    I dont know why they have a Van Hagar picture but VH would beat the shit out of acdc Anus Young prancing around with a school boy outfit …. Dont get me wrong i like ACDC

  27. nope says:

    Did not England almost have its ass handed back to it, by an unorganized guerilla army?
    And then didn’t England get its ass handed back to them by another guerilla army (see: Ireland)

  28. Ivan Baird says:

    Ummmm, AC/DC is Australian…. They’d kick English, Scottish, and Irish asses… And, for the record, Im 50% Irush, 25% Scottich, and married to a 100% English woman – but Aussies still rule! (IMO)

  29. blue cadet 3 says:

    Brian Johnson is Scottish, so he would shit-kick Van-Haggar and probably still beat up his own drummer afterwards to celebrate his victory.

  30. Claynoidial says:

    never won a fight with shorts? how bout kilts you dumb fucks cause im pretty sure the scottish killed people with skirts on. ACDC wins

  31. Doorang13 says:

    Hmm did not england kick schotish asses back in the days?

    ohh yeah:


  32. That Jackass says:

    Ivan that means youre 75% human? Oh and AC/DC would win even if van halen had guns they would win. Oh and Fuck the poor excuse for rock that disney and other media propagates these dayhs

  33. nerd says:

    AC/DC all the way. Van Halen would be too busy fighting each other before they even got started fighting AC/DC.

  34. Oil says:

    Wow. That the most valid point I’ve ever read on the internet.

  35. Oil says:

    err… that’s