If there's one thing we like to do more than drink, it's argue about really important stuff, like what's the crappiest thing you could get in your trick-or-treat bag on Halloween: Pennies, or Jesus Pamphlets? Here's what it sounds like when we do both at the same time:
Drunken Argument that Pennies Are the Worst:
Pennies are not just the worst thing to get when you go trick-or-treating, They're the worst thing to have in your car, on your desk, and even in your pocket. This is because pennies are absolutely f*cking worthless. You can't buy anything for a penny. Some people might say, "oh, but pennies are like zombies: one or two of them are insignificant, but if you save up until you have hundreds or thousands, then they're a force to be reckoned with!" To those people I say, "Bullshit". I saved every penny that I ever came into contact with for the first 12 years of my life, and when I finally rolled all those pennies up and took them to the bank, I got about $7 from it. According to that math, saving pennies for your entire life will pay about 6.25 cents per day. That's less than sweatshop wages. Anyway, the people who give pennies to trick-or-treaters are assholes. They're always people who are so ancient and decrepid that they say shit like, "I remember when you could go down to the soda shop and get a rootbeer float for 2 cents, and then you could stop by the onion stand on your way home and buy a whole bushel of delicious onions for a nickel!" In their mind, they're dropping seven rootbeer floats in your candy bag, but all you're really getting is a handful of worthless copper shit that will eventually break your vacuum cleaner. Apparently those people haven't purchased anything for the past 60 years. If they had, they'd realize that there's no f*cking reason to ever keep pennies for anything, and you should never take any treat from a person who's that out of touch with reality. In conclusion, pennies f*cking suck. Abe Lincoln is already on the five dollar bill, so it won't be doing him any sort of disservice if we just get rid of them once and for all.
Drunken Argument that Jesus Pamphlets Are the Worst:
I would much rather be given a penny than a religious pamphlet while trick-or-treating. At least a penny is worth something. That one single penny could buy you a gumball in a really old gumball machine. Collect enough pennies and it can add up to a dollar, which could buy you a tasty cheeseburger. A few pennies could mean the difference between you being able to buy something nice and not being able to afford it at all. You could do something nice with that penny and give it to a homeless guy. They sit around all day collecting change, so they've got to know how to handle pennies. At least when you're given a penny and you don't like it, you can always throw it back at the person who gave it to you, and it will probably sting a little bit. A religious pamphlet is more worthless than the paper it's printed on. Nothing is worse than someone pushing their beliefs on you, especially when you are expecting candy. That's like expecting a blowjob from your girlfriend, but instead she cuts your dick off and throws it into a field on the side of the highway. The people who give out religious pamphlets don't understand why their house gets egged every year. It's because kids go door-to-door dressed in costumes and collecting candy because they like candy. It's not because they give a shit about your personal beliefs. At least when I'm given a penny, I know that the person giving it to me is just a shitty gift-giver, not some religious nut pushing a fairy tale on me. The only good that comes from getting a religious pamphlet is that you don't have to worry about which houses to vandalize later. The decision is made for you. Worst trick-or-treat prize ever is definitely the religious pamphlet, hands down.
What Do You Think Is Worse: Pennies, or Religious Pamphlets?
Usually it's not just a penny. More like a small handfull of change. Which you could use to buy some candy. All that happens when people give you change is another step is added to the Halloween process. "Here's 23 cents go buy your own damn candy."
Religious pamphlets are the WORST, hands down!!! And speaking of shitty things to get in your trick or treat bag- I had a dentist in my neighborhood who would give out toothpaste.... but at least that's useful... still better than a religious pamphlet.
I haven't been on HolyTaco for quite awhile now, mostly because I felt as though the site was lacking a real sense of direction. After coming back and reading this retarded exchange, it really makes me sad that this is what's become of a website I used to visit daily.
No arguement needed... Religious Pamphlets are the worst, especially the ones demonizing Halloween... as a kid what worse thing is there to get home and find in you bag a pamphlet telling you that the ultimate joy you had dressing up and going out with your friends for a candy haul will supposedly send you to hell... and to you overly religious person, where do you get off trying to ruin the pure joy that every child has on Halloween... i rememebr as a kid, spending a month planning my costume and waiting for the day to come... it is you who should go to hell, trying your damdest to spoil a childs spirit and innocence... you miserable bastard....
They're both pretty useful. You can buy a handful of skittles or something with some pennies, and you can use the pamphlets to wipe your ass... Maybe not... Papercuts...
You only saved 700 pennies in 12 years?
You probably the type that couldnt save your own ass from drowning in 3 inches of water then!!
Last time my kids took the pennies,I throw on the coffee table every night, in to the bank they go $106.00 An that was from less then 2 years>
(31 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
October 23rd, 2009 at 04:04 pm
Ok so where the hell do you have to live to get a penny on Halloween? I have never heard of this before
October 27th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Usually it's not just a penny. More like a small handfull of change. Which you could use to buy some candy. All that happens when people give you change is another step is added to the Halloween process. "Here's 23 cents go buy your own damn candy."
October 23rd, 2009 at 04:51 pm
Religious pamphlets are the WORST, hands down!!! And speaking of shitty things to get in your trick or treat bag- I had a dentist in my neighborhood who would give out toothpaste.... but at least that's useful... still better than a religious pamphlet.
October 23rd, 2009 at 04:54 pm
pennies make your hands smell like sh*t, i hate that... coins in general, but pennies are the worst
October 24th, 2009 at 09:13 am
No, ur hands smell like shit because you dont use toilet paper to wipe, not because you handle change.
October 25th, 2009 at 02:57 pm
OHH GOOD ONE YOU FUNNY COMMEDIAN!! OH SHIT LIKE THAT JOKE IS SO ORIGINAL ITS NOT FUNNY
October 25th, 2009 at 06:51 pm
EAT A DICK AND TUrn off your caps lock key, you fucking idiot.
October 26th, 2009 at 07:20 am
I haven't been on HolyTaco for quite awhile now, mostly because I felt as though the site was lacking a real sense of direction. After coming back and reading this retarded exchange, it really makes me sad that this is what's become of a website I used to visit daily.
October 26th, 2009 at 02:34 pm
i agree this site isn't what it used to be
October 23rd, 2009 at 04:58 pm
No arguement needed... Religious Pamphlets are the worst, especially the ones demonizing Halloween... as a kid what worse thing is there to get home and find in you bag a pamphlet telling you that the ultimate joy you had dressing up and going out with your friends for a candy haul will supposedly send you to hell... and to you overly religious person, where do you get off trying to ruin the pure joy that every child has on Halloween... i rememebr as a kid, spending a month planning my costume and waiting for the day to come... it is you who should go to hell, trying your damdest to spoil a childs spirit and innocence... you miserable bastard....
October 23rd, 2009 at 05:31 pm
giving out religious pamphlets is like pre-registering yourself for next year's eggings on mischeif night.
October 23rd, 2009 at 05:41 pm
Religion.
October 23rd, 2009 at 05:55 pm
where the hell do you find a house that gives out pennies or religions nuts?
October 23rd, 2009 at 06:54 pm
Fuck you guys.
October 23rd, 2009 at 06:56 pm
Fuck me? Fuck YOU, Abe!
October 23rd, 2009 at 09:36 pm
They're both pretty useful. You can buy a handful of skittles or something with some pennies, and you can use the pamphlets to wipe your ass... Maybe not... Papercuts...
Ok so the pamphlets are pretty worthless.
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Dress up like a devil and see how those religious bastards act.
October 23rd, 2009 at 11:16 pm
All of the laundromats ALWAYS gave out pennies
October 24th, 2009 at 05:54 am
I've adopted a rule where anyone who hands me a religious pamphlet receives a swift paper cut to the jugular.
You should give it a try, Holy Taco.
October 24th, 2009 at 07:41 am
When I was seven, an old lady in our neighborhood gave me a slice of bologna for Halloween...
October 24th, 2009 at 09:45 am
true or not, that made me laugh.
October 24th, 2009 at 09:11 am
i hate religion
October 24th, 2009 at 04:12 pm
getting feaces in your trick-or-treat bag, is worse
October 24th, 2009 at 05:15 pm
That comma after "trick-or-treat," is absolutely baffling. I can't begin to comtemplate the motives for that thng.
October 24th, 2009 at 06:19 pm
My Trick or Treat bag was full of rape.
October 25th, 2009 at 06:58 pm
sweet sweet rape
October 25th, 2009 at 05:41 pm
You only saved 700 pennies in 12 years?
You probably the type that couldnt save your own ass from drowning in 3 inches of water then!!
Last time my kids took the pennies,I throw on the coffee table every night, in to the bank they go $106.00 An that was from less then 2 years>
October 25th, 2009 at 06:53 pm
eye bett yur kidz dew reel wel in skewl iff their anyfin lyke they're owld mann
October 25th, 2009 at 06:57 pm
Bottom line, pennies are money, they win.
October 26th, 2009 at 11:00 am
So is the ulimate kick in the junk a pamphlet with a penny taped to it . . follwed by an apple . . Talk about your all time Halloween let downs
October 27th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Ok crazy person I'll take your packet on Lutherinism if you take my pamphlet on Pastafarinism. There we go now we're equal.
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