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Drunken Argument Friday: Worst Thing to Get In Your Trick-or-Treat Bag

If there’s one thing we like to do more than drink, it’s argue about really important stuff, like what’s the crappiest thing you could get in your trick-or-treat bag on Halloween: Pennies, or Jesus Pamphlets? Here’s what it sounds like when we do both at the same time:
Drunken Argument that Pennies Are the Worst:
Pennies are not just the worst thing to get when you go trick-or-treating,  They’re the worst thing to have in your car, on your desk, and even in your pocket.  This is because pennies are absolutely f*cking worthless.  You can’t buy anything for a penny.  Some people might say, "oh, but pennies are like zombies: one or two of them are insignificant, but if you save up until you have hundreds or thousands, then they’re a force to be reckoned with!" To those people I say, "Bullshit".  I saved every penny that I ever came into contact with for the first 12 years of my life, and when I finally rolled all those pennies up and took them to the bank, I got about $7 from it.  According to that math, saving pennies for your entire life will pay about 6.25 cents per day.  That’s less than sweatshop wages. Anyway, the people who give pennies to trick-or-treaters are assholes.  They’re always people who are so ancient and decrepid that they say shit like, "I remember when you could go down to the soda shop and get a rootbeer float for 2 cents, and then you could stop by the onion stand on your way home and buy a whole bushel of delicious onions for a nickel!" In their mind, they’re dropping seven rootbeer floats in your candy bag, but all you’re really getting is a handful of worthless copper shit that will eventually break your vacuum cleaner.  Apparently those people haven’t purchased anything for the past 60 years.  If they had, they’d realize that there’s no f*cking reason to ever keep pennies for anything, and you should never take any treat from a person who’s that out of touch with reality.  In conclusion, pennies f*cking suck.  Abe Lincoln is already on the five dollar bill, so it won’t be doing him any sort of disservice if we just get rid of them once and for all.
Drunken Argument that Jesus Pamphlets Are the Worst:

I would much rather be given a penny than a religious pamphlet while trick-or-treating.  At least a penny is worth something.  That one single penny could buy you a gumball in a really old gumball machine.  Collect enough pennies and it can add up to a dollar, which could buy you a tasty cheeseburger.  A few pennies could mean the difference between you being able to buy something nice and not being able to afford it at all.  You could do something nice with that penny and give it to a homeless guy.  They sit around all day collecting change, so they’ve got to know how to handle pennies.  At least when you’re given a penny and you don’t like it, you can always throw it back at the person who gave it to you, and it will probably sting a little bit.  A religious pamphlet is more worthless than the paper it’s printed on.  Nothing is worse than someone pushing their beliefs on you, especially when you are expecting candy.  That’s like expecting a blowjob from your girlfriend, but instead she cuts your dick off and throws it into a field on the side of the highway.  The people who give out religious pamphlets don’t understand why their house gets egged every year.  It’s because kids go door-to-door dressed in costumes and collecting candy because they like candy.  It’s not because they give a shit about your personal beliefs.  At least when I’m given a penny, I know that the person giving it to me is just a shitty gift-giver, not some religious nut pushing a fairy tale on me.  The only good that comes from getting a religious pamphlet is that you don’t have to worry about which houses to vandalize later.  The decision is made for you.  Worst trick-or-treat prize ever is definitely the religious pamphlet, hands down.
What Do You Think Is Worse: Pennies, or Religious Pamphlets?

31 Responses to "Drunken Argument Friday: Worst Thing to Get In Your Trick-or-Treat Bag"

  1. Religiousish says:

    Ok crazy person I’ll take your packet on Lutherinism if you take my pamphlet on Pastafarinism. There we go now we’re equal.

  2. NuckingFutz says:

    You only saved 700 pennies in 12 years?
    You probably the type that couldnt save your own ass from drowning in 3 inches of water then!!
    Last time my kids took the pennies,I throw on the coffee table every night, in to the bank they go $106.00 An that was from less then 2 years>

  3. NuckingFutz = Inbred Mongoloid Fucktard says:

    eye bett yur kidz dew reel wel in skewl iff their anyfin lyke they’re owld mann

  4. Steve says:

    Bottom line, pennies are money, they win.

  5. Steve says:

    sweet sweet rape

  6. JacktheStripper says:

    They’re both pretty useful. You can buy a handful of skittles or something with some pennies, and you can use the pamphlets to wipe your ass… Maybe not… Papercuts…

    Ok so the pamphlets are pretty worthless.

  7. Foreign kid says:

    Dress up like a devil and see how those religious bastards act.

  8. ' says:

    All of the laundromats ALWAYS gave out pennies

  9. Denitio del Toro says:

    So is the ulimate kick in the junk a pamphlet with a penny taped to it . . follwed by an apple . . Talk about your all time Halloween let downs

  10. Dr. Spock says:

    I’ve adopted a rule where anyone who hands me a religious pamphlet receives a swift paper cut to the jugular.

    You should give it a try, Holy Taco.

  11. smw9211 says:

    When I was seven, an old lady in our neighborhood gave me a slice of bologna for Halloween…

  12. Claire says:

    i hate religion

  13. noahaction says:

    true or not, that made me laugh.

  14. too much free time says:

    getting feaces in your trick-or-treat bag, is worse

  15. zuh? says:

    That comma after “trick-or-treat,” is absolutely baffling. I can’t begin to comtemplate the motives for that thng.

  16. Sad Child says:

    My Trick or Treat bag was full of rape.

  17. GOODONEE says:


  18. started ozark says:

    EAT A DICK AND TUrn off your caps lock key, you fucking idiot.

  19. mylifeisover says:

    pennies make your hands smell like sh*t, i hate that… coins in general, but pennies are the worst

  20. sad says:

    I haven’t been on HolyTaco for quite awhile now, mostly because I felt as though the site was lacking a real sense of direction. After coming back and reading this retarded exchange, it really makes me sad that this is what’s become of a website I used to visit daily.

  21. Goingdownhill says:

    i agree this site isn’t what it used to be

  22. fongwin says:

    No, ur hands smell like shit because you dont use toilet paper to wipe, not because you handle change.

  23. The Todd says:

    Usually it’s not just a penny. More like a small handfull of change. Which you could use to buy some candy. All that happens when people give you change is another step is added to the Halloween process. “Here’s 23 cents go buy your own damn candy.”

  24. Vince Masuka says:

    Ok so where the hell do you have to live to get a penny on Halloween? I have never heard of this before

  25. Shannon says:

    Religious pamphlets are the WORST, hands down!!! And speaking of shitty things to get in your trick or treat bag- I had a dentist in my neighborhood who would give out toothpaste…. but at least that’s useful… still better than a religious pamphlet.

  26. Nyphe says:

    No arguement needed… Religious Pamphlets are the worst, especially the ones demonizing Halloween… as a kid what worse thing is there to get home and find in you bag a pamphlet telling you that the ultimate joy you had dressing up and going out with your friends for a candy haul will supposedly send you to hell… and to you overly religious person, where do you get off trying to ruin the pure joy that every child has on Halloween… i rememebr as a kid, spending a month planning my costume and waiting for the day to come… it is you who should go to hell, trying your damdest to spoil a childs spirit and innocence… you miserable bastard….

  27. noahaction says:

    giving out religious pamphlets is like pre-registering yourself for next year’s eggings on mischeif night.

  28. Ween says:


  29. Jigsaw says:

    where the hell do you find a house that gives out pennies or religions nuts?

  30. Abe Lincoln says:

    Fuck you guys.

  31. J. Christ says:

    Fuck me? Fuck YOU, Abe!