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Drunken Argument Friday: Would Immortality Be Awesome or Crappy?

If there’s one thing we like to do more than drink, it’s argue about really important stuff, like whether Immortality would be really awesome, or really crappy. Here’s what it sounds like when we do both at the same time:
Drunken Argument for Immortality Being Really Awesome:
It doesn’t take a moron to figure this one out, but in case you’re semi-retarded, I’ll spell it out for you: living forever means that you can not die.  This means I can’t die from disease.  Okay. Great. AIDS is a disease, so I could never die from AIDS, so let me tell you why living forever kicks the shit out of dying.  I’m assuming that I can choose whatever age I want to be forever, so I choose my mid-twenties.  I’m young, arguably semi-attractive, and I have all the life experience that living forever can teach me, and you know what that means: banging tons of hot chicks.  Living forever as a guy in his mid-twenties, the age with arguably the largest dating pool available, would allow me to finally achieve my life-long goal: banging every girl on Earth without the fear of contracting AIDS.  With eternity ahead of me, I’d need a project with no foreseeable end that I’d never get sick of trying to accomplish.  This seems like the absolute best way to spend eternity.  Here’s the best part: when I’m still young, virile, and enjoying life, your penis won’t even work.
Drunken Argument for Immortality Being Really Crappy:

Herpes doesn’t kill you, and something like one in five people have herpes, which means that there’s a pretty good chance you’re going to contract herpes fairly early on in your eternal sexcapade.  Good luck spending the rest of eternity explaining to hot chicks why your dick is covered in nasty, ancient scabs and lesions. You gotta think about immortality in the long term: living for 100 years? Pretty cool.  200 years? That would probably be alright too.  1,000 years?  It’s gettin’ a little old at this point.  The problem with immortality is that you can NEVER DIE NO MATTER WHAT, and eventually that’s gonna start to suck.  You’d outlive all of your friends and family, and you could probably get other friends along the way, but eventually you’re going to find yourself making friends with people just because you want a friend that’s not going to die soon.  Eventually, the world is going to end, and it’s probably going to get pretty ugly for a while.  Then things are gonna start blowing up, and every living thing on the entire planet is going to die…except for you, because you’re f*cking immortal. If you’re lucky, the planet will just explode, shooting you out into the abyss of space to float alone through the cosmos for the rest of time, but most likely the planet will not explode.  It will just deteriorate into a volatile, volcanic nightmare land. Suddenly, you’ll find yourself living alone on an uninhabited, sunless rock that’s completely covered in molten lava, but the only problem is that you can’t even kill yourself and end your loneliness, suffering, and eternal misery, because you’re immortal.  You will literally be trapped in a living hell for all eternity.  I’d much rather die while things are going good.
What Do You Think?  Would Immortality Be Awesome, or Crappy?

44 Responses to "Drunken Argument Friday: Would Immortality Be Awesome or Crappy?"

  1. stoooonnnnnned says:

    OK, OK … OK … I think that … the only reason we die … is … because we ACCEPT it … as an inevitability. Haaaaaa.

  2. jewish guy says:

    you are fags

    you fucking goyim actually think you matter?

    why are you non jewish assholes discussing immortality?

    the jewish people will be the only people to gain immortality

    we killed your god jesus, that makes us your new gods

  3. Ween says:

    That. Is. A. Great. IDEA! I would pop a bunch of rolls and throw about 14 hits of acid in the mix, as well. You don’t need PCP since you’re immortal. But it can’t hurt to reinforce this idea.

  4. Ween says:

    chill out, fatty. happy late new year, by the way.

  5. propagandhi says:

    My captcha is ‘dumbness comments’.

  6. HighBP says:

    Now I’m thinking that my soulless, life-sucking, ice-queen, empty, life-fucking, bred fom Hell ex-wife just might be a Highlander.
    I’m gonna cut her fuckin’ head off.

  7. AJ says:

    dude nobody types like that. this shit’s fake.

  8. Ben B from London Town says:

    Seeing as I’m having some Sam Adams summer ale…I’ll chime in.

    I would like immortality….

    At first glance i would have to say your right. We would eventually wear out our welcomes. However, I’m a firm believer in other existences across the plateau of endless universes or multi-verses. If anyone has seen cosmos,Carl Sagan…id surely take my chances.

    Now, with that rational in hand. (timelessness)
    I would definitely say that now..would be the golden years of man the race I’d be representing.
    Before it gets really shitty. Money wouldn’t be an issue cause I can’t die. Morality would be an issue however.
    The lines would get esqued.
    I would have to amass all the collected knowledge of this world and plan on trying to build new technologies that would take me to light speed. Therefore, enabling me to become the ultimate traveler. Obliviously, i would visit Alpha centuri, our nearest solar system capable for supporting life.

    Id scour the universe for some tight tang. Pump it and see if i can spawn with anyone else any where.
    Once i hit Galaxy M87 and gone threw the black hole…it would be non-stop partying. Depending on where i end up i may even see some of my friends again. On the flip-side.

    I would travel everywhere and see everything. I would assimilate other technologies over the course of universal time and wait for the “Big Crunch”(opposite of big bang)…where i m sure to die.

    A grandfather of the galaxy.

    Boy that summer ale is da shit.

  9. Anonymous says:

    ” Living forever as a guy in his mid-twenties, the age with arguably the largest dating pool available, would allow me to finally achieve my life-long goal: banging every girl on Earth without the fear of contracting AIDS. ”

    Literally TONS of fat chicks there Bro…

  10. Chunky lover says:

    Nothing wrong with a couple of fattys!

  11. pratik says:

    People think eternal life automatically means immunity for diseases and pain… that’s not necessarily true. You can still be in a ton of pain but never die from it.

    Your arm could get cut off, your balls bit off by a komodo dragon, and you could contract brain cancer. But hey, you’re alive right?

    And also, you will be extremely intelligent in enough time because of all the life experience you’ll have had. No one wants to be friends with one of those “smart guys” who is constantly giving advice like someone’s grandparents.

  12. Clitoral Havoc says:

    If we’re making the leap that immortality is possible, why wouldn’t feasible that being impervious to pain comes with that? Being immortal would suck if you had to spend your endless days trapped in a normal ,fragile human body. So I’m guessing that it’s gonna be one of those Highlander dealies.

    If that’s the case then immortality would be pretty awesome, you’d only get bored if you weren’t a creative person – think about it…

    …not only would you be able to learn and eventually master every thing you’ve ever wanted to learn, it’ll eventually get to a point where you’re creating new forms of expression.

    You could re-create your self every couple of centuries, see the endless beauty this world comes up with on a daily basis, with evolution being what it is you’ll get to see things no one else ever will and compare that to what once was.

    And if you get bored you’ll be smart enough to build your own space ship and travel the boundless universes.

  13. KushedOut420 says:

    if im immortal id sniff like 40 lines of coke since i cant OD why not? smoke meth,sniff a line,inject myself then take some shrooms why not right……..
    i would probally keep a lot of weed on me when the world explodes and a space helmet so when i run out of weed im breathing thc and i stay high


  14. scarcity times says:

    i agree, your precious sam adams summer ale IS shit.

  15. Sashaisme says:

    Then again, you could be like a shinigami from Death Note, and then you’d be pretty fun…

    Except it’s against the law of the shinigami world to have sex…

    What are we talking about again?

  16. Grant says:

    Immortality would be great. I really don’t think that humans are far away from acheiving it. In fact, they’ve actually stopped ageing in a mouse liver, and they share 90 some percent of our genes.

    Exploring the universe wouldn’t get old. The whole point of creation is to make something new. New girls to bang, new hot things for them to wear while banging them (like skin tight devil uniforms.) Then you have multiple positions for one girl, and an infinite number of things she could say while you are banging her. It wouldn’t really get old because the chemical rush of horniness is always there despite your boredom. And also, alien girls may be a possibility.

  17. Nanananananeenoonana says:

    you would still get diseases, you just wouldnt die from them, which would be extremely shitty.

  18. MrKillson says:

    Immortal and invulnerable are two completely different things.

  19. Pumkin81 says:

    if you are immune to disease, and poisons and such then you would be immmune to the effects of drugs too!

  20. O Squiggly Line says:

    You’re NOT immune to them. You can still get diseases and be brain-damaged from doing drugs & shit. You just can’t die. You’re a vegetable for all eternity instead of a few years.

  21. Thomas O'Leary says:

    Fucking AWESOME! But you do make a hell of a case for it being crappy.

  22. black hand says:

    So you can be the highlander. Well, you can try. Make believe that others are immortal and take there head and then create a quickening with some cheap fire crackers.

    Or you can spend each generation just fucking with one person. One person entire life is now your play thing.

    - probably both…

  23. This is my thought says:

    I think that death is the best invention by nature. Without death, there is no reason for life, for anything. No sex, as there is no need to have more ‘people’ as everyone lives for ever. Also, no need to evolve, and become a better species, as there is no decendants, and therefore, no evolutionary change. I would think that floating for ever, in the middle of space, or in the middle of a floating ball of lava is inexplicably awful. That is because, even though you can’t die, or get sick, you would still feel pain, or feel uncomfortable. So, imagine being burnt with lava, for all eternity, without dying, or not being able to breathe, and your brain begging for oxygen, whist you will never die.

    I think that death, or everything, in fact, in this world is there for a purpose. And, to change that balance in the world, is to just make everything just horrible. You are born, you live, and you die. That is the natural progression of all living things. It should just be.

  24. Erin says:

    At some point you might form an attachment with someone and their death would make life unbearable. However, you could find love again, but say you have children? What then, their deaths would be tragic, painful and crushing to you, therefore making your existence seem painful and unnecessary. However if you fucked your way through time on drugs you might be fine till your floating around in space with the shakes. I mean after everyone is dead it could get pretty lonely.

  25. George T says:

    Like everything else on here, it’s from FAMILY GUY, dumb fucking asshole.

  26. L says:

    This is horse shit!! No ONE under the sun will live 4ever. Why would I waste my valuable time entertaining such an idea. But since u assholes got me typing already, I would travel to Bolivia & snort all the coke available, then I would do the same in Colombia, Mexico & costa rica.

  27. Sergey says:

    True, you can’t achieve anything really large while 25 in earth societies, only some late teenage chicks or be a burgerjoint “chief burger flipper”. You have to be 35 because you can make you look 25 or 50 years old. You are old enough to run for president or UN secretary-general. While 35 you can easily bang chicks from any age… and they love you.

  28. Señor Reacharound says:

    Let first say, FIRST. Secondly, you can’t be too practical when thinking about this. You have to assume that living forever means you will not get horrible lesions on your dick. Think of yourself as made of wax and covered with a coat of rain-x. Nothing can happen to you, you’re more like a vampire than anything else. Except you don’t have to worry about having sex during the day, or some halfsie black-pire like Blade thats out to slice your head off.

    Living forever would rule pretty hard. I’d want to be frozen at 35, so that I could eventually run for president. With enough time I feel like I could do it. Plus, mid-twenty-something chicks are hot and as a 35 year old you have a better shot.

  29. balls says:


  30. mikes says:

    Thought-provoking post, out of character for Holy Taco. I wouldn’t want immortality- sure you could rob lots of banks, live like a king, but it would get boring, and Oscar Wilde made that point over a century ago.

  31. immortality would suck says:

    why? because even before the world ends youre still going to be lonely. after a certain point everyone in the world is going to seem like a child. compared to you they have the life span of a fly? and who wants to be friends with that? you will never feel any emotional connection with anyone ever. although the cool part about this is that youd live so long youd eventually grow calloused and have no morals and know how to rise to power in some country, establish yourself as a god, and cast out violence and war on a whimb… till the world dies

  32. immortality would suck for you maybe says:

    So you would use immortality to kill people? You’re immortal, not omnipotent. I get the feeling you would be buried alive in concrete.

  33. Tim says:

    Watching torchwood as I type, you winner.

  34. Kamil says:

    buried alive in concrete would suck balls, maybe thats why mummies are so pissed…

  35. nemesis says:

    the other problem is money. there are stories about really old people, having to get jobs because they ran out of retirement money. imagine going through that, over and over again. plus you would constantly need a new job every decade or so, people will get suspicious of an employee who doesn’t age.

    but since you are immortal, I don’t think that you could actually be harmed, and have herpes scars. and if you are immortal and invulnerable to harm, there are so many things to whiteness:
    the evolutionary process
    the progress of culture and history
    the wonders of the universe, when you are drifting through space, after the planet becomes uninhabitable (unless life becomes like Futurama. in which case, you will have just gone to another planet before that happens)

  36. A. Nell Fisher says:

    Cool story, bro

  37. Anonymous says:

    Well philosopher, I see you’re, going by “nemesis”, now, and that you, still haven’t, learned, how to use, a fucking, comma.

  38. nemesis says:

    ever consider that maybe YOU are the one who can’t let this go?

  39. Anonymous says:

    Well DUH. Picking on retards is fun.

  40. nemesis says:

    maybe you should just change your screen name to “cancer”, since you are the malignant tumor of humanity

  41. Anonymous says:

    Wow. I’m hurt. I’m very deeply hurt.

    FYI – you’re only funny when you’re trying to be insulting. Could you maybe just do that from now on? Thanks.

  42. guy who points out stuff everyones thinking says:

    you guys are fags

  43. PhiIosopher. says:

    i poo pooed

  44. Flip Washington says:

    An eternity of football seasons would be pretty damned decent. You could be the ultimate football (or pick whatever sport) historian. That would never get old.