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Drunken Argument Friday: Would You Rather Fight the Foot Clan, or Cobra Kai?

If there’s one thing we like to do more than drink, it’s argue about really important stuff like if we would rather fight the Foot Clan from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or the Cobra Kai Dojo from Karate Kid.  Here’s what it sounds like when we do both at the same time:
Drunken Argument for Fighting the Foot Clan:
Choosing to fight the Foot Clan rather than the Cobra Kai Dojo is like deciding to have sex with a street corner hooker rather than your bitchy girlfriend: with the exception of a few moans and groans from time to time, they’d stay relatively silent, rather than hurling insults at you while you’re trying your best to finish them off.  It’s pretty much a guarantee that you’ll never hear one of the Foot Clan ninjas taunt you by yelling for his buddy to "put him in a bodybag", and the lack of childish insults is going to make it easier for you to land that single punch or kick that it takes to bring one of the Foot Clan dudes down.  Also, the Foot Clan soldiers treat fighting like they’re waiting their turn at a gang bang: they come at you one at a time, and when one finishes, the other one steps in to replace him, while the rest just kind of stand around with their dicks in their hand.  It’s ridiculous to think that you could actually take on an entire ninja clan or a karate dojo, and with an endless army of fresh Foot Clan dudes coming at you one at a time, you’ll probably get pretty worn down and eventually lose.  I don’t know what happens when the Foot Clan wins a fight, because nobody has ever seen it happen, but I’m pretty sure that they won’t steal your girlfriend and kick sand in your face while they ride away on dirtbikes.  In this no win situation, I’d choose to fight the Foot Clan.
Drunken Argument for Fighting the Cobra Kai Dojo:

The question here is a pretty simple one: would you rather fight an army of ninjas, or five adolescent karate students?  It’s a no-brainer: I’d much rather be fighting the Cobra Kai Dojo.  The first thing the Foot Clan is going to do is pull out a bunch of swords and nunchucks and shit, and I’m not gonna have a f*cking clue as to how to handle that.  With Cobra Kai, the scariest thing that can happen is that they’ll show up to the fight dressed as skeletons.  One potential downside to fighting the Cobra Kai is that there will be a lot of trash talking and high-pitched "80′s bad guy sidekick" laughing, but I see that as an advantage: they’re not very smart dudes, and they would probably be easily distracted by some fancy wordplay.  Also, there’s a 50% chance that I would be fighting Cobra Kai during a sanctioned karate tournament, and while they’re going to try to pull some dirty tricks (like breaking my knee), they’re not going to be able to get away with too much.  Ultimately, though, it comes down to the aftermath of the fight.  If the Cobra Kai Dojo manages to beat me up, they’re going to talk a lot of shit, and become even bigger assholes than they were before, but that’s pretty much the extent of it.  If I get beat up by the Foot Clan, they’re going to steal all of my appliances and electronics.  Cobra Kai = Beat Up.  Foot Clan = Beat Up and Robbed.  I’d take the Cobra Kai Dojo any day.

What Do You Think: Would You Rather Fight the Foot Clan, or Cobra Kai?

19 Responses to "Drunken Argument Friday: Would You Rather Fight the Foot Clan, or Cobra Kai?"

  1. Taylor says:

    I’m sorry but I would take the Foot Clan on way before I would ever take on Cobra Kai, first of all, the Foot Clan’s training methods were terrible, I would be way more afraid of a retarded chicken than I would be of the Foot Clan. Cobra Kai on the other hand would kick my ass, I’m gonna admit it,I’m a pussy, I would just cover my head and scream,”Boys don’t girls!” and hope that works. It won’t.

  2. Robhiengler says:

    Hmmm Mr. Myagi trained me so I wouldn’t have to fight.

  3. C. Norris says:

    I think there has been one very important arguement left out so far.
    While fighting the Cobra Kai you get to listen to awesome 80′s music such as Joe Esposito’s “You’re The Best Around”.
    Winner Cobra Kai

  4. b-real says:

    Big Shafty—If you have ever watched The Karate Kid then you should know that there are more than 4 Cobra kai students!!

  5. Darth Ranger says:

    Come on, Daniel Larusso BEAT the best dude in Cobra Kai Dojo with the lamest karate move ever, the dove kick thing……….I think I can take both of them at the same time.

  6. Yaboy says:

    Well, I’d like to think I’d win regardless who I was fighting (Foot Clan or Cobra Kai) but if I had to choose one I’d say the foot clan because of the one punch one kick knock out rule. Plus I think if I kicked the foot clans ass I’d get to keep the weapons which would almost insure that I’d never have to worry about them assholes again! What we’re forgetting about the Cobra Kai is let’s say you won the fight against the Dojo students. You’d probably have to fight their Vietnam vet asshole Dojo master. & no one wants to fight a Vietnam vet, just a bunch of anger & stamina. Saying shit like “This is for Rusty & Cletus & Tyrone & Georgie! God, why did you take em’? They were just babies for Christ sake”! & let’s face it, if you beat him that would be just sad…..

  7. Why So Seriousah? says:

    Theres like a hundred foot clan members. No way. But I can kick the crap out of some 14 year olds. Yeah, I feel like a man.

  8. Daniel Son says:

    i would prefer to fight the foot clan. considering the fact that that i already kicked the shit out of Cobra Kai. Even with those dirty tricks those bastards were no match for the crane kick.

  9. Splinter says:

    Of course the foot clan was beaten every time – they were fighting four mutant ninja turtles. Cobra Kai couldn’t handle Pat Morita and Ralph Macchio.

  10. dude says:

    it would be real sick if your the best and the final countdown played the entire time

  11. dontmatta says:

    best Drunken Argument Friday ever!
    Fighting the Cobra Kai would be more fun. Maybe you’ll get a classic 80′s soundtrack during the fight

  12. douchebag says:

    The Foot Clan is the Washington Generals of fighting.

    At least Cobra Kai landed a few blows. The worse part of Cobra Kai is that they give bleached hair a bad name.

  13. One Maloogafourloogas says:

    I’d kick all their asses, ’til my foot is smelling of their shit

  14. Senor Swine says:

    Foot Clan, they’re a clan but an easy clan to take on. THEY HAVE NEVER WON A FIGHT. Even the chick in TMNT has wins over them.

    Bunch of loner teens, you’re guaranteed to beat the $h!t out of a few of them, some might get KO’d with a push.

  15. Kris says:

    I’d rather fight Cobra Kai. Take out too many Foot Clan ninjas and the fucking Shredder takes notice. A bunch of bleached beach boys in armless gi’s aren’t much of a challenge compared to Oroku Saki.

  16. philosopher says:

    this drunken argument reminds me of anal fissures.

  17. Big Shafty says:

    I rather fight the Cobra Kai. There’s only 4 of them and I already know to be cautious of them sweeping my leg. I’m the best, around. Nothin’s gonna ever ever keep me down!

  18. Straight Guy says:

    I’d suck the Cobra Kais while the Foot Clan guys pound me from behind…oh wait forget I said that, I meant I’d take the Cobra Kais and throw them at the Foot Clan knocking them down like bowling pins.

  19. scene_xg says:

    id rather fight the foot clan. they got their asses kicked all the time. gives me plenty confidence. plus they jump out of the way right before impact and play knocked out. im down! lol