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Drunken Argument: A Grizzly Bear, or Rosie O’Donnell?

 
If there’s one thing we like to do more than drink, it’s argue about really important stuff like "Bone N’ Battle" scenarios.  A Bone N’ Battle is when you engage in sexual intercourse with something, and then immediately afterward, you fight it to the death.  This week, we got into an argument about what would be worse: a Bone N’ Battle with a Grizzly Bear, or with Rosie O’Donnell.
 
 
Drunken Argument for the Grizzly Bear:
 
 
Having sex with a Grizzly Bear would be pretty terrible, but at least you have a psychological expectation that the bear will be really huge and really furry.  With Rosie, on the other hand, it doesn’t matter how much you prepare for it: the fatness and hairiness if her naked body is still going to horrify you.  Also, it would be a lot easier to kill Rosie O’Donnell afterwards.  Fighting a Grizzly Bear would prove incredibly difficult, and that’s good because it will really help you to get your mind off of the fact that you just f*cked a bear.  Don’t worry about dying, either; eventually, you’ll be able to kill that bear.  Just stay out of reach until the bear gets tired. Then, while it’s napping, you can fashion some sort of weapon from the elements in your environment and kill the shit out of it.  When you get home that night and your roomates are asking you what you did all day, you’ll say, "Oh, I f*cked a Grizzly Bear, and then I fought and killed it," and your roomates will be like "What?!! You killed a Grizzly Bear?! How the hell did you do that?!  That’s amazing!  Tell me more about that fascinating experience!", whereas if you came home and said, "Oh, today I f*cked Rosie O’Donnell and then I fought and killed her," everyone would be like, "What?! You f*cked Rosie O’Donnell?!! Oh my god, dude. You gotta move out. NOW!  Get the f*ck out of here, you Rosie-f*cking sicko!"  Bottom line: f*cking Rosie O’Donnell will make people hate you, no matter what.
 
Drunken Argument for Rosie O’Donnell:
 
 

Obviously, I’d be doing mankind a great service by sacrificing my penis for an opportunity to fight and kill Rosie O’Donnell.  Yes, I realize I would have to have sex with her, but it’s almost a fair trade, because I’d be looked upon as a hero.  Also, Rosie may have a human vagina.  Of course, this has not been confirmed, but I do know for a fact that a bear definitely does not have a human vagina, and f*cking a non-human vagina is weird.  I could maybe, maybe explain my way out of why I f*cked Rosie O’Donnell.  For example: "I was drunk, she paid me, and I got to kill her afterwards."  No one is going to care why the hell I f*cked a bear, then killed it.  They’re just going to assume that I held it down somehow, or tranquilized it in order to bone it, and that’s just cruel, and chicks hate cruelty to animals.  Rosie would also be easier to deal with, because she has dull, ground-down teeth.  Knowing that she’d likely try to bite me while I was f*cking her, I’d just wear layers of clothing to protect myself.  A Grizzly Bear, on the other hand, would tear me to shreds immediately upon insertion, no matter how many layers I was wearing.  Plus, it would take me so long to finish that Rosie’s fat, lazy, out-of-shape ass would be far to tired to put up any sort of a fight.  I would kill her easily, come back home, and be touted as a hero.  Meanwhile, you’d still be in the woods f*cking an innocent bear.
 

23 Responses to "Drunken Argument: A Grizzly Bear, or Rosie O’Donnell?"

  1. If you fuck Rosie... says:

    they will call you Butch.

  2. Horny Chick says:

    Rosie O’Donnell is 10 times worse than a grizzly bear. I’d hate to see her in an Adult Video Chat!

  3. Poopyduck says:

    If your labeled as a bear fucker you can still move to the rocky mountains and you will just be looked at as an average citizen. If you fuck rosie then there is no escaping it. that shit is not acceptable anywhere.

  4. TrillVille500 says:

    The bear any day.

    PS

    This shit is hillarious.

  5. FaceBacon.com says:

    I would eat Rosie O’Donnell’s ass for a pint of keystone light.

  6. Stephen Speilberg says:

    The key is to dress like a woman while fucking Rosie with a strap on dildo. She would think you were a lesb and be all happy. If she wants to see your vagina which you obviously shouldn’t have then you can see it smells and you are on your period.

    Seriously though a thorough penis/dildo lashing would probably cause Rosies heart, which can’t likely be to strong due to her immense size/anger, to explode.

    Obviously this is the best option. You A: Don’t have to put your penis in her. B: Can lie about your identity. C: Don’t technically “Murder” her.

    As for the grizzly bear it would probably kill you in one blow so I don’t think thats even remotely feasible.

  7. Jmanbigd says:

    I rather have sex with something Half Attractive so Grizzly Bear all the way

  8. KAMEL says:

    I would bang Rosie just to grab her panties and use them as my fantasy football league trophy…..forever

  9. Nix says:

    Rosie O’Donnell is awesome and a wonderful human being. I know this is a humor blog and I usually really enjoy it, but it’s really fucked up to disrespect her like that.

  10. steve says:

    Killing O’Donnell would be much more satisfying than killing a bear, so that answers that!

  11. Luke says:

    Rosie wins.
    She wears underwear with the dickhole in it.

  12. Bill Clinton says:

    I’d like to see the bear fuck rosie and I’ll just stay home and jerk off. rosie is a disgusting POS.

  13. Anonymous says:

    I see. I guess it’s also like having to make a choice between posting a stupid comment once and posting a stupid comment twice.

  14. shantastic says:

    It’s really all the same thing. It’s like having to make a choice between sleeping in a bed full of shit or waking up in a bed full of pus.

  15. rachel lentner says:

    someone always has to cross the shit durring sex line.

  16. Jason says:

    I’d let Rosie eat the bear, then shit it out all over me while I fucked her. Then I’d stick my head in her asshole and make her flex her butt cheeks. This is where I would die happy.

  17. Shantastic says:

    It’s really all the same thing. It’s like having to make a choice between sleeping in a bed full of shit or waking up in a bed full of pus.

  18. BamMan says:

    Fucking and killing Roise O’Donnell would be a humanitarian act, a service to society (the killing part not the fucking part). If you had a good PR assistant you could probably angle it in a way so that you would become a martyr (because even if you successfully killed Rosie O’Donnell I’m pretty sure the crabs would eventually kill you).

    Fucking and killing a bear on the other hand just makes you look like some incest trailer-trash hick from Alaska, fuck that.

  19. RLB says:

    Fuuuuuuck You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Grizzly Bear any day!

  20. Anonymous says:

    I’d much rather fuck the bear. Or a woodchipper, come to think of it.

  21. 123 says:

    the bear is less discusting

  22. 456 says:

    agreed

  23. mezzanine says:

    Fucking and killing a bear is animal cruelty, but fucking a Rosie is self destructive. The beargina and the Rosiegina are probably indistinguishable.

    I’d feel bad about killing a bear, so I’d go with Rosie. Just not tell anyone I did it.