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Even Country Music Thinks Jessica Simpson Sucks

Once when I was in college, my 37 year old cousin who’s fiancee had just left him, talked me into letting him come with me to a party my 18 year old neighbors were throwing.  About 3 minutes in he jumped into a conversation a group of people were having and started quoting Dan Akroyd sketches from the first season of Saturday Night Live. As he grabbed my shoulder and told a group of 19 year old girls that he and I were “two wiiild and craazzzy guys!” I realized maybe he didn’t fit in and bringing him was a mistake. Who ever brought Jessica Simpson to country music venues probably realized that too. Usmagazine.com reports:

Audiences booed and clapped as [Jessica Simpson], 28, opened for Sara Evans on Saturday at the Country Thunder USA festival in Randall, Wisconsin.

Simpson told the crowd. “I’m just like you. I’m doing what I love and dating a boy.”

I like how she thinks doing what she loves and dating a boy make her just like them. I wonder if when she said that, everyone just looked at each other really confused, except for some weird looking guy in the back with a mustache and a pocket full of candy who was like “Holy shit, Jessica Simpson IS just like me.”

I have a feeling she’s going to do whatever she thinks it takes to fit in with country fans, seeing as how that’s her last shot. Don’t be surprised if we see this at her next concert:

EDITOR’S NOTE: Special Thanks to Kipp Tribble for filling in for guest editing for me all last week when I was on vacation.

7 Responses to "Even Country Music Thinks Jessica Simpson Sucks"

  1. Butty Ice says:

    How is her hand going through the stock?

    My butt is cold.

  2. Edwordrules says:

    Im more concerned about the bear playing the harmonica.

  3. Pratik says:

    So, just wondering… who thought it was a good idea to let her sing in the first place? Oh wait, must be Papa Joe hard at work again. I guess he wants to upgrade from a silver to platinum toilet, so he does something like this.

    I’m sure there’s some poor singer somewhere out there with real talent who got passed on so they could make space for Jessica on a record label.

  4. Eli says:

    Jessica Simpson can suck me any time.

  5. Reneo says:

    Don’t listen to them, Jessica ! As far as I’m concerned, you can suck as long as you want…

  6. </a></cite> <span class="says">says:</span></cite> </div> <div class="comment-meta commentmetadata"><a href="http://www.holytaco.com/even-country-music-thinks-jessica-simpson-sucks/#comment-28754">May 13, 2009 at 12:18 pm</a></div> <p>Badly need your help. Illusions are art, for the feeling person, and it is by art that you live, if you do.<br /> I am from Sri and too bad know English, give true I wrote the following sentence: “Moscow russia largest automaker avtovaz said friday it would form a renault, long in negotiations with avtovaz, unexpectedly beat out rival italian.? ? ? ? ? Gm avtovaz? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Chevrolet niva.”</p> <p>Thank :p Jenay.</p> </div> </li> <li class="comment even thread-even depth-1" id="li-comment-157217"> <div id="comment-157217" class="commentListBox "> <div class="comment-author vcard"> <cite><cite class="fn">Meade</cite> <span class="says">says:</span></cite> </div> <div class="comment-meta commentmetadata"><a href="http://www.holytaco.com/even-country-music-thinks-jessica-simpson-sucks/#comment-157217">July 15, 2010 at 6:09 pm</a></div> <p>Jessica Simpson is a beautiful woman. But Country Music requires a lot more talent than Pop, so its not like just anyone can be Country. To write a good Country song is talent. Such as Dolly Parton has written over 300 songs. Its really something most people wouldn’t understand, but good country music requires a lot of talent. Anyone can be in Pop or Rock with minimal talent.</p> </div> </li> </ol> </div> </div> <div id="column-right"> <div class="block"> <div id="re_ad_300x250"> <!-- BEGIN 300x250 ad tag --> <script type="text/javascript">document.write('<script language="JavaScript" src="http://ad.doubleclick.net/adj/brk.ht/'+htAdVars.zone+';sz=300x250;tile=3;cntid='+htAdVars.cntID+';'+apexTagKeyVals+'ord='+ord+'?" type="text/javascript"></scr'+'ipt>');</script> <!-- END 300x250 ad tag --> </div> </div> <div class="textwidget"><p><a href="http://www.holytaco.com/how-make-mcgriddle-home-0/"><img src="http://cdn2.holytaco.com/wp-content/uploads/images/2009/10/mcgriddle_1.jpg" alt="" title="McGriddles" width="300" height="125" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-238839"/></a><br /> <strong>How to Make a McGriddle at Home</strong> <p><a href="http://brk.to/1nb1" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.screenjunkies.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Sandra-Lee-Talks-Dirty.jpg" alt="" title="PopHangver" width="300" 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