A 6-year old child flew 7,000 feet above Colorado after climbing into his father’s experimental balloon ship. The ship has since landed, but so far the boy has not been found. The balloon was airborne for over 1 1/2 hours, while Colorado officials frantically watched Danny Deckchair to figure out what the hell they should do.
A woman in Ohio pulled up to a Burlington Coat Factory in a hummer limo and announced to the entire store that she had just won the lottery and would buy everyone $500 worth of clothes. Then, the woman left without paying for the clothes. Angry customers trashed the store and began rioting, looting, and stealing the clothes they thought they were going to get for free. Ironically, all of the stolen items were later returned to Burlington Coat Factory because nothing from that place ever fits correctly.
A Pennsylvania man slept soundly while his house caught fire and burned to the ground. He was woken up by firefighters who entered the destroyed house to survey the damage after the fire had been extinguished. When reached for comment, the man stated, "Oh, man. I had this terrible dream that my house burnt dow—-OH MY F*CKING GOD! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?! OH, JESUS! THERE IS NO GOD! THERE IS NO GOD! HOW DID I SLEEP THROUGH THE–" and then he either died from smoke inhalation or fell asleep again.
A man in Oregon was trying to get back together with his ex-girlfriend. When she wouldn’t take him back, he beat her up and then stabbed her fish (who’s name was DeLorean), saying "if she won’t have me, she can’t have the fish". The man was sentenced to two years of probation for animal abuse. When questioned after the sentencing, the man said he plans to spend the two years working on his new children’s book, entitled, One Fish, Two Fish, I Stabbed Your Pet Fish Because You Wouldn’t Have Sex With Me Anymore, Blue Fish.
Sweden apparently has a bad rabbit problem in its city parks. Now they’ve decided to put the thousands of rabbit carcasses they collect each year to good use: by burning them and using the heat as a fuel source. Animal rights activists are concerned that authorities are creating an industry out of killing bunnies, while gun activists claim that shooting and then burning the rabbits is just a waste of bullets, and it would be much more fun to watch if they just lit the rabbits on fire in the park, because then everyone could grab some beers and watch the flaming bunnies scamper around for a while, and just make a good ol’ time of it.
FIRST!
First to Jizz on Your face!
Dad?
Damn you Holy Taco for being so effing funny. I particularly loved: “One Fish, Two Fish, I Stabbed Your Pet Fish Because You Wouldn’t Have Sex With Me Anymore, Blue Fish.”
they found balloon boy hiding in his attic. haha
Make a $500 a DAY. NO BS.
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