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The Evolution of Sluts

Everyone knows that all girls are not sluts.  In fact, sometimes the best girls are not explicitely slutty in any way.  But even if you happen to be dating one of these not-slutty-but-still-awesome girls, chances are you still like watching videos of dirty sluts from time to time.  With that in mind, let’s take a journey through history to discover where those sluts actually came from:
 
The Prehistoric Slut
 
 
Being a slut in prehistoric times was a lot like having a potluck barbecue by yourself: the more you put out, the more you got to eat.  A prehistoric slut basically had three things to worry about: food, safety, and shelter.  If she could find a strapping caveman that could provide all of these things, then she could easily win him over with her sexual prowess, and be completely taken care of.  The prehistoric slut had a lot of competition, though, because there were many other women who also had a strong desire to survive. 
 
 
This means that prehistory was most likely a dirty, filthy, butthole-penetrating time, but ultimately it was worth it for her, because the payoff was that she got to survive another day.  The world of sluttiness basically stayed the same for a long, long time, until one day when a less-than-awesome dude picked up a paintbrush and started painting naked chicks, signifying the dawn of…

 
The Classical Slut
 
 
When artists started painting, sculpting, and selling artwork, sluts quickly recognized art as an outlet for their sexuality.  Suddenly, people everywhere could look at (and discreetly masturbate to) their slutiness, and classical sluts just ate that shit up.  This was also the first time in history that a slut could gain monetarily just from being slutty (being naked in front of someone was considered slutty back then), and sluts took full advantage of the opportunity, like a good slut should. 
 
 

Plus, how great was it when a slut could take a dude to a church or something, and be like, "hey, see that naked statue right there? Those are my tits!"  Things during this period seemed to be going swimmingly for the classical slut.  Suddenly, she was seen as a valuable artistic commodity, rather than…wel, a slut.  Things would continue to improve for sluts, especially in the 19th century, when a new invention began to gain popularity…
 
 
The Golden Age Slut
 
 
The advent of the camera revolutionized sluttiness as we know it, and a whole new breed of slut emerged: the impatient slut.  At long last, the camera provided an opportunity for sluts who were too impatient to be painted or sculpted to be captured, immortalized, and distributed on film.  This technology opened the door for sluts everywhere, and suddenly every slut with a pair of tits was standing sluttily in line, waiting to be photographed. 
 
 
This greatly affected the quality of slut for the masses, but quantity also increased ten-fold, helping to revolutionize masturbation as we know it.  Now, rather than hiding in public to masturbate to a work of art, a gentleman could jerk off in the privacy in his own home.  This, of course, greatly increased the demand for more sluts, and with the invention of the motion picture, and later home video, anyone could produce pornography. 
 
 
The industry exploded, and soon, the better sluts began making money hand over hand (both of which were probably wrapped around a penis at the time).  Now, being a slut could actually be a lucrative career move, and the best sluts in the business finally got the recognition they deserved, but everything was about to change again…
 
 
The Modern Slut
 
 
The creation and subsequent popularity of the internet has ushered in a slut hey-day.  Today, sluts from all over the world can, with a few simple clicks of a mouse, upload pictures and videos of themselves to a global audience, reaping the exposure and benefits previously reserved for only the most sought-after and publicized sluts in the world.  Slutty stars are born nearly every day, and a slut who’s willing to push the boundaries of decency can become a worldwide phenomenon literally overnight. 
 
 
Along with exposure and fame, a good, hard-working slut can easily accumulate a small fortune if she plays her cards right, and our modern technological renaissance is a launching pad for incredibly successful career sluts all over the world.  The modern era of slutiness encapsulates the absolute peak of slut potential, reaping higher quantity and higher quality slutiness than ever before.  But like many peaks, there could be a devastating valley on the other side…
 
 
The Future Slut
 
 
Since the beginning of time, the biggest problem with sluts has rested in the cramped hands of the less-than-the-best guy.  This was the caveman who couldn’t catch the most food, and who didn’t have the nicest cave.  This was the unknown artist who was jealous of Michelangelo and Da Vinci, and who had to awkwardly paint nude portraits of his mom or his sister that nobody wanted to look at.  Currently, this is anyone who’s not dating one of the many pornstars that they masturbate to three times a day.  This also happens to be the guy who’s a computer programmer, and the guy who’s working on advanced robotics and hologram technology in his mother’s basement after his shift ends at Jamba Juice.  Soon, this guy will rule the world. 
 
 
Technology is quickly moving toward the elimination of an actual, physical slut, and replacing it with hologram sluts and robot sluts, who are going to be way nastier, way better, and (most importantly) way more attainable than any living slut in history.  In the future, the nerdy, unattractive guy who could never score a hot, slutty chick will decide to simply make his own hot slut, and the nerd will finally reign supreme.  I, for one, welcome our nerdy pervert overlords, and would really appreciate it if they could direct me to the robo-slut waiting list, because if this is where they’re at now, I can’t wait to see what they’ll have in 20 more years.
 
 

38 Responses to "The Evolution of Sluts"

  1. Analonymous says:

    That’s what a slut would say if she didn’t want to be called a slut but still wanted to be one. Kind of like “just because I dress like a slut doesn’t mean I am a slut” … nope, sorry doesn’t work that way. Hypocritical sluts are the most common modern slut … How many times did I use the word slut in this slutty post?

  2. MindBender says:

    Deep down inside we are all sluts. Our basic instincts tell us to reproduce just like every other organisim on the planet. In fact the only real purpose we have is to continue our species. Every thing in the world is driven by one goal, sex.

  3. Nameless says:

    Actually the future of “sluts” will hopefully look like Cameron from Terminator: SCC

  4. V says:

    Oh thank god! I am so glad someone else noticed that, it was bugging me too.

  5. speicus says:

    “Everyone knows that all girls are not sluts.”

    No, I know that not all girls are sluts.

  6. One Maloogafourloogas says:

    Oh it is true…..it’s all true

  7. Philosophopher says:

    That’s not true, they all deserve diginity and respect, to be treated like human beings without persecution, just like me.

  8. One Maloogafourloogas says:

    I think I need to remind everyone, that ALL women are sluts….

  9. great says:

    so we’ve finally gotten to the whole “life is a sexually transmitted disease” thing

  10. key says:

    we always seem to forget that senuality can be confused with sluttiness

  11. Philosopher (the real one) says:

    Oh there he is, giving me the anal fissures

  12. philosopher says:

    you are messed up cunts

    -the original philosopher

  13. philosopher says:

    so are mine, where’s daddy

  14. philosopher says:

    im sorry, my anal fissures make me moody

  15. Deuce says:

    Pedpphilosopher,you fool. That’s how they gain consciousness in the first place! Our buttholes are now all doomed!

  16. pedpphilosopher says:

    and what happens when the robo-sluts gain consciousness? We’re gonna have to send one back in time to rape Bill Gates.

  17. Nameless says:

    You want a pint that every dude has cum into?

  18. TheMortified1 says:

    Its got a good head on it.

  19. supermanlymangunowner says:

    i want a slutty beer.

  20. philosopher says:

    All sluts originated from Africa.
    That’s why Aids did too

    - the original philosopher

  21. philosopher (the fake) says:

    No-one is trying to be you, quite the opposite.

  22. philosopher says:

    what a tragedy, so many people are pretending to be me, but for the wrong reasons

    -the original philosopher who is fighting for his right to freedom of speech without persecution

  23. philosopher says:

    fuck off you charlatan. my mum was black and she dived in a vat of industrial ammonia to try and be white.

    now she has skin like a fetid fish.

    This is all because everyone thought she was a slut.

    Sure she’s a slut when it comes to dad and me, but that’s as far as it goes.

  24. Nigger says:

    HAY MAN WHAT BOUT DEM BLACK SLUTS?

  25. philosopher says:

    oh give up. you aren’t fooling anyone

    -the original philosopher who is fighting for his right to freedom of speech without persecution

  26. thatAnonymousguy says:

    this philosopher imitation shit is getting annoying.

  27. philosopher says:

    Sorry eric, I also questioned their neglect to mention the Male Slut.

    I think the definition of slut is a ‘witless victim to sex’

    That would be me. Because, I’m an adult and I still let my Dad give me a dip in the doughnut.

    Maybe its because I just hate the truth (being a philosopher) and I deserve whats given.

  28. Eric says:

    They forgot all about the history of the male slut. If people really can be categorised as sluts feels so very old fashioned and prudish.

  29. groper says:

    I think id prefer the prehistoric slut because then you could just hit her over the head when shes annoying without having to worry about lawsuits or bruising or w/e. peachy keen

  30. philosopher says:

    what about the male slut? Like me.

    Com’on children, you can attest, I like you best.

    Cerebral things for a philosopher are secondary to their most carnal whims.

  31. philosopher says:

    knock it off

    -the original philosopher

  32. philosopher. says:

    Philosopher, philosopher philosopher, philosopher.

  33. philosopher says:

    they forgot to mention the Naughty Nun sluts of the Dark Ages, and the orgy sluts from Rome and Greece

  34. philosopher says:

    this is why I don’t believe in god. its because people like you aren’t dead from cancer or AIDS. just give up, no one believes you’re me

    -the original philosopher who is fighting for his right to freedom of speech without persecution

  35. Interesting blog post. Thanks for this meng.

  36. Deuce says:

    The only problem is that in 20 years when these Robo-Bang Slaves are all the rage, they will be quite expensive and only rich guys will be able to afford them. And as we all know, rich guys already get all the sluts anyway.