If you’ve broken your hip lately and misplaced the remote control for the TV, you may have noticed that Family Feud is not only still a show, it’s hosted by alleged comedian Steve Harvey, formerly of the Steve Harvey Show and star of The Original Kings of Comedy, which featured one funny and three unfunny comedians.
As it happens, the Family Feud has been on TV since forever and it was never any better than it is now, except arguably during the Richard Dawson era because Richard Dawson pretty much tried to finger bang every female contestant regardless of what family members were present or the fact he was on daytime network television. Dude was a hero. But that brings us to our point today – what ever happened to Richard Dawson? Or any of the hosts?
The Family Feud is on its sixth host. Bob Barker hosted The Price is Right for 89 years. It was a stage production when it started, then moved to radio and settled on TV once that shit caught on. Why can’t Family Feud hold a host? Where do they all go?
The truth of the Family Feud is as grim as watching an episode of the Family Feud. The show is cursed, and its doomed hosts bear the brunt of that curse. Does it seem like this article is going to take a really inappropriate turn when we get to talking about Ray Comb, the show’s second host who actually committed suicide in real life and thus would not be a suitable subject to make jokes about? Yes. Yes it does. Onward!
Richard Dawson – If you’re not familiar with Richard Dawson you need to rewatch the Schwarzenegger epic The Running Man, because Dawson played super evil game show host Damn Killian. How evil was he? Dude’s last name is Kill Ian. Hey Dawson, up yours.
Anyone, despite his desire to finger bang the female contestants and the high likelihood that he was likely always rocking a 1.5-2.0 blood alcohol level, Dawson’s reign came to an end after nine (+1) years. He came back after a 10 year hiatus to host for one more season between his ninth and tenth years, because who cares. But why did this powerhouse of television game show chicanery end up leaving in the first (and second) place?
The Curse!: Official sources might tell you Dawson didn’t get along with producer Mark Goodson or that he was always piss tank drunk or that he seemed to have no patience for idiots, a bad trait for a game show host piloting the ship through Idiotville, but the truth is Dawson was cursed with maddening realization of just how despicable a person you have to be to be apart of daytime TV. Have you seen daytime TV? Judge Joe Brown? Maury Povich? Rachel Ray? If television were a human body, daytime TV would be the prolapsed anus with dubious paternity. Like the man given the power to see the future but cursed with only seeing his own death, Dawson was doomed to realize just how many unemployed washouts, trailer people and people who regularly smell like poo had begun to consider him family. Harrowing.
Ray Combs – The Feud’s second host, Combs ran the show during the late 80’s and early 90s, when a general suck malaise has spread over all forms of television. Ray had immoveable hair and the sense of humor you expect from a doorman, he was perfect. For 6 years anyway, then they shit canned him. Word is, on the final day of taping, as soon as the credits rolled he just silently walked from the building and that was the end of that.
The Curse!: Have you ever heard of Ray Combs? He started his Hollywood career doing warm up routines for sitcoms. Did you know that was a thing? It is. Later in life he made guest appearances at various wrestling events, not unlike people who can’t find a Nascar event to go to. Everything he ever did after that on television failed, meaning those were his successes. Combs’ curse was perfection – his time on the Family Feud was actually the pinnacle of his career and, tragically, could not be topped in his lifetime. This same sort of luck can be seen in movies like “Leprechaun” where a poor sap wishes for a pot of gold and it forms inside their stomach. It’s kind of what you want, yet so goddamn horrible at the same time.
Louie Anderson – The show has been cancelled three times already (twice for Dawson, once for Combs) but someone figured, of all the things in the universe that might make the Feud workon TV again, Louie Anderson was the key. Louie Anderson. I’m not even going to write anything else about that.
The Curse!: Louie Anderson is known for being a big dude with a weird voice who does family friendly comedy. He’s like a cartoon. In fact, he was a cartoon once. If there’s one thing John Candy and John Goodman and John Belushi taught us it’s that fat guys named John are funny, but also that fat guys should be jovial and fun. Louie Anderson’s curse was the crushing depression of hosting Family Feud, that made his every moment on camera seem like happy hour at the mortuary. Watch some of the old footage and you can almost hear his loathing with every lame attempt to pretend “Tuesday” was an acceptable answer to the question “name the most important day of your life.”
Richard Karn – If you never saw Home Improvement you were lucky, because they put Tim Allen in pretty much every episode and he’s as entertaining to watch as dysentery is to die from. Richard Karn played his sidekick Al on the show, meaning he was playing less interesting terrible. Karn took over for Anderson because the producers of Family Feud had literally one batshit, tribal cannibal insane at this point and were clearly not even remotely coherent. It was pretty much kidnap anyone who had ever been on a sitcom and force them on pain of death to host the show one has to assume. If not Richard Karn there’s a good chance we would have got Schneider from One Day at a Time.
The Curse!: When’s the last time you heard from Richard Karn? His family probably wants an answer on that too. Richard Karn’s curse is that, for all anyone knows, he’s still locked in a utility closet on set.
John O’Hurley – You may remember John O’Hurley as J. Peterman on Seinfeld and then as that guy who you remember as J. Peterman on Seinfeld in other things. He was also a host of the Family Feud until he quit to star in Chicago or Rice-a-Roni commercials or some such. So the Feud couldn’t even hold the interest of a guy who’s best known or his recurring bit part on a show that’s about 13 years old. Sweet.
The Curse!: If not for the Feud O’Hurley might have faded gracefully from our memories. Now he’s still J. Peterman. Plus he’s interchangeable with Steve Harvey, and that’s rough.
Steve Harvey – The show’s current host is Steve Harvey. Here are some SAT style analogies about Steve Harvey.
• Steve Harvey is to comedy as cyanide cupcakes are to preschoolers.
• Steve Harvey is to entertainment as a bag full of jagged stones swung at high velocity is to improving your complexion.
• Steve Harvey is to morbid depression as hobos are to the stench of urine and aftershave.
• Steve Harvey is to not sucking as oranges are to being purple.
The Curse!: If you watch, you’re living it.