(Props: pafarrahabraham via Uproxx)
I guess we should have seen this coming. Like so many fading reality TV stars before her, Teen Mom veteran Farrah Abraham has just released a dance-pop song (and accompanying video) in which she recites a list of meaningless phrases in a shrill monotone. Farrah’s song is called “BLOWIN,” a subtle double-entendre about blowing away her “bullies” and performing fellatio for money. It’s bad, you guys. Really, really bad.
Remember when we all thought Rebecca Black’s “Friday” was OMG THE WORST SONG EVER LMAO? This is much worse. “BLOWIN” isn’t nearly as catchy as “Friday,” and it doesn’t communicate the same hopefulness for the end of the week. Here are the seven worst things about “BLOWIN,” in no particular order…
1. Abraham’s crow-like voice, which all the auto-tune in the world can’t turn into something appealing. It’s the aural-equivalent of a prison-shanking.
2. The lyrics. Every single one. This is how the first verse starts:
Live and learn, be better than normal
Make those mistakes
Your blowin’, your blowin’ all their minds away
Appearance, sexuality, ability
Somehow, Grace Liu is more coherent.
3. The inclusion of Farrah’s daughter. Christ, leave her out of this. She’s young, she still has a chance.
4. The ginger goof at 1:17-1:22. Did he win a contest to be there or something?
5. The phrase “followin’, friend requestin’, fan pages” at 1:38. This is life, as Farrah understands it.
6. When Farrah performs as her Twitter avatar (whoa, did James Cameron direct this thing??), we are reminded that she is a “NY Times Best Selling Author.” Meanwhile, my Great American Novel is still half-finished on a flash-drive somewhere.
7. At 1:53, we see that there are people on Twitter who actually support Farrah in her journey through anti-fame. These are not made-up accounts. These are real people. (It should be noted that the girl who told Farrah to be “proud of her achievements” (?!?) apparently regrets it, now that she’s been outed in public.)
So, is “BLOWIN” the worst reality TV-star vanity-project dance-pop song of all time? Let us know what you think on Twitter @HolyTaco.