Fat Family Fats Too Fat For Water Slide

Dear Fat Families,

If you weigh 900 pounds and the water slide you’re about to go on only holds 700 pounds, maybe you should make one of your big fat sacks of thighs and fupa (aka one of your kids) wait for the next raft. According to palmbeachpost.com:

RIVIERA BEACH , The state’s water park regulator said Thursday it appears a family was injured on a new slide at Rapids Water Park because their combined weight was between 850 and 900 pounds – much heavier than the posted limit for a single raft.

“There were warning signs at the slide. There’s a maximum 700 pounds for riders,” said Terence McElroy, spokesman for the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services.

John D. Lenahan, 41, bit his tongue and was knocked unconscious. He was listed in stable condition Thursday night. His son John Lenahan, 15, was also knocked out and treated for a chin laceration.

The two younger children – Ronald, 14, and Julianna, 11 – were transferred to St. Mary’s Medical Center and released several hours later. They suffered cuts, bumps and bruises.

Since this is America, it wouldn’t be that surprising if four fully grown men added up to 900 pounds. But this was one man…and three children that were so fat they flipped a water slide raft.

So the next time you’re at the water park and you see a bunch of lard-filled lads piling into your raft, you may want to throw a bucket of Crisco the other way so you can skip a trip to the hospital. With the USA getting fatter by the minute, water slides are going to become more dangerous than downtown Detroit.

I stopped by my nearest water park and took this picture to show how bad it’s getting out there.

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