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Fat Japanese Monkeys Go On Diet

About a month or so ago we did a story about these big fat monkeys at a zoo in Japan. Apparently the tourists were hurling food at the monkeys and the zoo keepers want that to stop, so they put up signs telling the tourists not to do that.

First of all, the sign shows a person throwing a banana to the monkey. From studying humans I can tell you that I’ve never in my life heard somebody say “Dammit, I’ve put on a bunch of weight because I’m eating all these god damned bananas.”

Secondly, I’ve seen my fat relatives go on diets; they turn in to complete nightmares. Really irritable and angry all the time. So I’m pretty sure that if I added in the element of “socially okay with throwing poo” pretty much every family function I’d be covered in my Uncles shit before we sat down for dinner.

5 Responses to "Fat Japanese Monkeys Go On Diet"

  1. L says:

    I guess monkeys can get fat off of bananas, but it’s probably all the funnel cakes and pizza and fries and other zoo food that people are throwing in the cage. Or sushi, whatever. I don’t know if they do funnel cakes in Japan.

  2. Pratik says:

    I always found it hilarious that sometimes feeding times at zoos will be at around the same time as lunch for the people visiting there. The animals go to their trainer for free healthy food and the people go to the concession stands for expensive greasy food.

  3. Mikeee says:

    And your mother comes to me for her lunch time feeding of cum.

  4. Let me get this straight: you live in a zoo. You are watched 24 hours a day and fed at all times. You are a celebrity, an aging celebrity, all right, an obese celebrity. But odds are this extra weight only fuels your celebrity. You get more fame, and more food. And since monkeys don’t have money, they might as well eat, right.

    Let the monkeys eat! I’ve had enough of the unrealistic body expectations for Japanese incarcerated monkeys. Live and let eat, is what I say.

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