In the pantheon of game shows, Wheel of Fortune doesn’t require the highest amount of brain power. It’s no Mastermind or Jeopardy. Hell, it’s not as difficult as Press Your Luck. I’m not sure if they even have qualifications to get on the aside from “Can you stand upright for 25 minutes?” and “Do you know what a ‘person’ is?”

And that’s how you get contestants like this.

via i-am-bored.com

Age: 25

Where you’ve seen her: Sophie Howard, seen here at the Nuts Awards in England, is known for something…but I can’t seem to quite remember what it is. Is it her eyes? Hmmm, I don’t think so. Man, it’s on the tip of my tongue. Umm, here smile? Noooooo. Oh, now I remember. Her ginormous breasts.

Pointless quote: “I went to a good Catholic school, and was in the Salvation Army until I was 16. I didn’t touch drink, drugs or boys – and then, at 17, I became a stripper!”

via hornyoyster

Kyle Orton is really really drunk (busted Coverage)

Attack of the 40 foot Claudia (Camel Tap)

Hardly Working: American Psychos (college humor)

Gemma Atkinson at the beach (coedmagazine)

Vanilla Ice’s wife calls (double viking)

Sophie Howard in Nuts Magazine (hornyoyster)

This is bizarre (weak game)

Computer technology is awesome (i-am-bored)

One pissed off maid (tasty booze)

Cobra Commander is quite a speaker (gavin purcell)

Biz babe Ivanka Trump

Chris Leben is staying in jail

Dying blows, so I’m always excited when someone does something fun with their corpse like take it sky diving or feed it to the homeless. That’s why I said a prayer for Bill Bremanti….well, I will when he finally dies. According to blog.makzine.com:

67-year-old Illinois native, Bill Bramanti built his future coffin in the shape of a Pabst Blue Ribbon beer can because he just really loves the beer.

Until he passes away, he’s using the coffin as a beer cooler, but admits that he has actually gotten inside the coffin to test the size.

He even threw a party where he used the coffin to store beers for his friends.

Bravo, Bill. It’s nice to see that you are going to the grave in a life-sized representation of what undoubtedly sent you to the grave. Can’t you go to the hereafter in a beer coffin that has a little quality? Whenever I drink PBR I wake up the next day feeling like Jesus on Easter. I will personally chip in a few extra dollars so you can upgrade to something fancy like Meister Brau or garbage can fluid. Bill, listen to me. You don’t have to spend your last days drinking something that tastes like Brillo Pads and motor oil. This is was what are interventions are for.

via liquorsnob.com

Here’s my problem with phone sex: I’m never exactly sure when a dirty question a girl asks is rhetorical or something she actually wants me to answer, so the few times I’ve tried it, I’ve ended up killing the mood because she’ll say  something like “How do you make me so wet” and I won’t answer because I think it’s rhetorical, but she’ll keep asking until finally I say “Um, I don’t know, probably a combination of things?”  MOOD KILLED.  But, apparently Kevin Federline is a lot better at it than me.    Starmagazine.com reports:

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have been having weekly steamy phone sex sessions.

Recently, when Britney was having a sleepless night, she decided to call Kevin at nearly 2 a.m. While they initially chatted about their boys — Preston, 2, and Jayden, 20 months — the conversation shifted. And as Britney hoped, Kevin knew exactly how to tire her out — with hours of erotic talk!

Wait, so, let me understand this.  They were talking about their children and the conversation shifted towards phone sex?  Wow, that’s impressive that they can shift like that.  Also very creepy.  How does that even work?  Does it go like this?

KEVIN: So, Jayden’s doing good.  He’s had a little rash on his bum bum but I put some cream on that.

BRITNEY: Oh yeah, you put some cream on his bum bum?

KEVIN: Yeah that’s right girl, I put some cream alllllll over his bum bum.  His bum bum was straight COVERED in cream, girl.

BRITNEY: Maybe you can put some of your cream all OVER my bum bum?

And then you can imagine where it goes from there.  He puts the cream on her bum bum.

Katherine Heigl is on a mission to piss off and alienate everyone who is able to formulate words and thoughts.  Earlier this year she complained about Knocked Up being sexist, even though it basically made her career, and now this:

Popsugar.com reports:

Katherine Heigl has never been one to keep her thoughts to herself, and the latest is that she’s talking about leaving Grey’s Anatomy for good. Apparently Katherine is sick of the long hours on set.

Oh, she’s sick of the long hours on set.  Oh, right, all those long hours acting.  Yesterday I was at the public Library and I went to use the bathroom and a janitor was mopping up human shit off the floor while trying not to bother the homeless guy standing next to him who was half naked showering in the sink.  Maybe I should have asked that Janitor how he felt about Katherine’s long hours.

Does Katherine Heigl not realize  she’s a f-ing ACTOR?  I’ve been on film sets, they hire people solely to kiss your ass and bring you whatever your little head can dream up, while you sit in a chair and pretend to read something that makes you look smart.  Realize you are lucky to have a good job, and quiet yourself.  Also, I got news for her, once she leaves Grey’s Anatomy, no one is going to give two shits about her.  You know how I know that?  Because every time I hear someone reference her they say “that one chick from Grey’s Anatomy.”

Here’s her future:  She’s going to leave the show, the movie offers are going to dry up, and she’s going to have to beg/fellate someone to give her a shitty TV show on some network where she plays a sexy cop who’s teamed up with a bear trained to fight crime.  It’ll look something like this:

On second thought, I’d watch that show.  Go for it Katherine.

The next time you’re lost in Asia, just keep an eye out for one of these signs. It will get you home in no time.

So, once again, somebody talked a really hot chick into being topless under the guise of “it’s art.”  This time it was Eva Mendes and the smooth talking editor was from Italian Vogue.   Except this time, they went so arty, that to be honest, I’m not really that excited by these pictures.  It looks kind of like the photos that my dad took of some ex-girlfriend he had in 1955 that I found in a shoe box labeled “Wrenches” underneath a bunch of crap in our shed.  I guess the hotter and more famous the chick, the more artsy you have to tell them the photos will be, which means we’ll see Miley Cyrus naked only if she’s covered in the blood of dead nazis and the photos are being taken by Jesus Christ.  Anyway, click the little pics below to get rid of Eli Manning’s face.

Kelly Osbourne is either doing an awesome impersonation of a wasted mummy…or she’s just totally wasted. And from what the Sun UK says, it looks like it’s the latter:

“…Kelly then needed a helping hand from her PA and a wall to find her way to a taxi. A club source said: “She was knocking back the Treasure Chest cocktails all night. No wonder Kerry was looking a little spaced out.” Treasure Chests are a potent combination of brandy and peach liqueur topped with a bottle of champagne.”

You know what they say: Like father like daughter who looks like her father.

via idontlikeyouinthatway.com

I know sometimes we write humorous headlines like the one above for the sake of humor, but this one is real. A genius prank by TNT’s Ernie “Don’t Call Me McCracken” Johnson got Charles Barkley to admit that he is, in fact, a dumbass. If I didn’t love Charles so much I might actually agree with him.