Your first kiss is very important, it’s something you’ll remember for the rest of your life. Mostly because it’s going to be incredibly awkward and overwhelming. Which is why it should a) happen before age fifteen and b) not be televised, YouTubed, or even recorded in photograph form. The couples in TLC’s new show “Virgin Diaries” follows couples who are pretty much abstaining from everything until marriage. It sounds like the opposite of typical debauched reality programming, which generally features a minimum of seventeen kissing scenes per episode. You might think you’re going to find these wholesome folks refreshing and earnest, but then you’ll see them kiss, and you’ll get grossed out, and you’ll probably understand that society wants you to kiss more than one person once, ever. Because if you don’t you endup kissing like you’re bobbing for apples in a jar.
We’re not saying you should start early, or even go on some sort of make out spree, but for all that is good in the world, at least try it a few times. There’s nothing worse than encountering an inexperienced kisser. (Which comes as less and less of a problem when you’re a thirty year old who hangs out in bars a lot. If anything, you’ll encounter the opposite problem.)
I shudder at the thought of these two having sex for the first time. Not that they’re ugly people, but watching two inexperienced adults try to navigate each other’s parts is revolting/hilarious. I imagine it would somewhat resemble a slowly progressing, awkward sexual assault where the attacker was trying to be nice and the victim was sort of ok with everything that was happening. “Should we help them? Is she ok? Is he ok? Maybe we should call someone. No, wait, they’re both smiling.” And then it would be over, just like that.