If you’re a starving artist and/or an aimless drifter (like everyone on the Holy Taco staff) then you’ve probably picked up a temp job or two. They’re usually incredibly boring office jobs that involve some sort of tedious task that requires minimal knowledge of microsoft word and the ability to say “hello.” As with any dull office job, you’ve got to find ways to entertain yourself. The great thing about temp jobs is the fact that you won’t be there forever, which means your self-entertainment options can go far beyond rubber band balls and paper clip statues.
walking into an office for the first time, knowing full well you won’t be there in two weeks, allows you to really be the kind of person you want to be. Come up with a mysterious backstory. It’ll confuse your bosses and have the women in the office swooning. You’re like a lonely drifter who’s rolled into town with only the oxford shirt on your back and your moderate Excel skills.
I like to tell everyone I left my hometown in Alaska because my young wife ran off with an ice road trucker. Just be careful with your story and keep your facts straight. Getting caught in that big of a lie is going to be tough to live with for the remainder of your stay.
Do a really poor job. At everything.
This one is a game I like to play when I don’t like the company I’m working for, or the job they’re forcing me to do. You have to remember that when a company hires a temp agency to find them short term employees, their expectations are super low. Make an entire day out of refilling a stapler. Ask for help from several different employees repeatedly for the same simple task. Pretty soon, word will get around that you are totally worthless and people will eventually stop asking you to do things! Your job will get progressively easier.
Pick one person in the office and start shadowing them.
This one will become increasingly hilarious the more it continues. Start by choosing a co-worker and dressing like them. Obviously, you’re not going to know what your target is going to wear every morning, so you’ll have to dress like them the day following. Take it a step further and start shadowing them throughout the office, eventually repeating the tasks that they do.
When their paranoia builds to the point of confrontation, wait until your last day, act sympathetic and tell them you’ve been sent in by corporate to replace them. Apologize profusely and never return. You won’t get to see the full results of this prank, but trust that it is hilarious, and probably involves a lot of crying family members!
Repeatedly bring in stale foods.
When you show up with a box of donuts for the office on your third day, people will find your gesture sweet and kind. Once they bite into the donuts and realize they’ve been around longer than you’ve been at the company, they won’t know what to say. Wait two more days and address the office, admitting to everyone that you were told by several people that your donuts were stale. Apologize profusely and bring in stale cupcakes the following day. Repeat the process several times until your term is up.
Start a rumor that you’ve been sent from corporate to spy on the other employees.
Do this on the first day of your second week. Find a naive young employee who unexplainably seems to admire you, pull them aside and reveal your “secret.” It won’t take but a matter of days until people start clearing the hallways when you walk through. Men will fear you and women will fawn over you (or vice virsa). Wield your new found power carefully and enjoy the free lunches.