Universal Studios recently shut down one of its flagship attractions which was a boring boat ride based on the move “Jaws.” The ride was pretty iconic, pretty memorable, but it definitely paled in comparison to exciting thrill rides with holograms and smell-o-vision, or whatever the hell makes a ride exciting these days. A lot of people are upset about such a staple leaving the park to make room for rides based on more popular franchises, but that’s just how show business works, kids! The park wants to fill the void with some more Harry Potter rides which is probably a good business move, but we’ve got a few other ideas that might make for a more interesting ride. Universal owns the rights to thousands of adventure films that they could base a new ride on. Sticking with the nostalgia theme, here’s a few ideas:
You start the ride out on an airplane, there’s a storm of biblical proportions, you crash land the plane, then you end up on the planet Mongo where you’re forced to do battle with an evil wizard or something. The real appeal of the ride would be the campy cardboard scenery and the hot half-naked chicks. Also, metal jet skis (picture above.)
In Firestarter the movie, young Drew Barrymore could set things on fire with her brain. In Firestarter the ride, participants are wagoned through several elaborate scenes and told to focus on certain object until they burst into flames. The ride ends with everyone experience an intense heat and light, thinking that they too have burst into flames.
In “Twins” the movie, Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger find out they are twins. Nothing really interesting happens and the hook is given away by the title and poster. On “Twins” the ride you just take a golf cart from one end of the park to the other.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
In “Fear and Loathing” the movie, two psychos take a drug-fueled trip to Las Vegas. “Fear and Loathing” the ride would attempt to recreate that experience by getting riders super dizzy in a dark room, then sending them to a sandy area with no shade.
Born On The Fourth of July
Riders on the “Born On The Fourth of July” experience are forced to join the marines, kill innocent people, lose their leg in combat and return home to ungrateful, unwelcoming friends and family. Get in line now!