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Five Ridiculous Fast Food Promotions

The obesity epidemic in the U.S. doesn’t seem like it’s going to get any better any time soon. Part of that is probably because bad food keeps getting more delicious, and the other part is because it’s getting cheaper. Just in time for Burger King to announce home-delivery in a few select places (probably wherever the most number of jazzy scooters and reach extenders are sold.) We all try to deny our excessive Wendy’s cravings and avoid our urges to hit the Taco Bell drive through that’s open all night. It just gets really difficult. Particularly when  fast food establishments keep stepping their game up to compete with one another. They’re always giving away free crap, stepping up their service, or putting Fritos on Doritos on tacos. The devil knows what you want, and he’s offering it for pocket change. All you have to give him in return is your unhealthy innards…

White Castle Offers Table Service

When you’re totally out of ideas for Valentine’s Day that are actually romantic, you can go the ironic route, thanks to White Castle. Several White Castle restaurants all over the country are giving you the opportunity to make reservations, get table service, and a few other small perks.

“Between 5 p.m. and 8 p.m., cravers will be greeted at the door by a host and taken to their own candle-lit table with decorations and table covers. They will receive table service complete with wait staff. Reservations are required.”

McDonald’s Panders To Black People

Whoa! This little push from McDonald’s is awesomely shocking. Just so you know, black people, McDonald’s really does care about you. Here’s an awkward excerpt from their 365black.com website, which is apparently like a digital pamphlet for anyone who thought McDonald’s didn’t like African-Americans…

“Like the unique African Baobab tree, which nourishes its community with its leaves and fruit, McDonald’s has branched out to the African-American community nourishing it with valuable programs and opportunities.”

KFC Let’s Oprah Give Away Too Much Chicken

Image via ny.eater.com

Back in 2009 Oprah joined KFC to promote an alternative to their delicious fried chicken, which was grilled chicken. Oprah followers could go to Oprah’s website and download the coupon for a free meal. The only thing that KFC may have forgotten is how far Oprah’s reach went, and how influential they were. People who follow Oprah do so without question, in very large numbers. Some KFC situations got so out of hand, they resulted in rioting, according to one consumer from this Gawker article:

“I went over to our nearest KFC a few minutes ago…and chaos ensued. Despite the very visible grilled chicken behind the register, the manager told everyone with coupons to leave and that the promotion was over for the day. The people there are currently holding a sit-in and refusing to leave until they get their free chicken…”

Burger King Offers Delivery

image via Washington Post

Burger King is offering home delivery in parts of Maryland and Virginia right now. It’s a trial run, but it’s bound to break through to every other fat lazy state in the country. They’re offering entire family size meals, which is going to be great for busy families, or Holy Taco writers who just got dumped by their girlfriends.

Chick-fil-a Gives Away Chicken For A Year To First 100 Customers

If you’re tired of spending money on, then consuming healthy fruits and vegetables, just wait until a new Chick-fil-a franchise opens up in a town near you. They actually give away free food for a year (about $300 worth) to the first 100 customers at every grand opening. We’re calling bullshit on the “year” part of the prize. $300 dollars is not a year’s worth of Chick-fil-a, that’s like six lunches and a few dinners for you and an underwhelmed date. But hey, free chicken is free chicken.


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