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A Flowchart To Determine If You Should Call 911

Being in an emergency situation is incredibly stressful and confusing.  It’s like having sex with a girl who’s way too hot to be banging you, except without as much screaming and crying.  Luckily, flowcharts were invented to help you collect your thoughts and properly assess stressful and confusing scenarios.  That’s why we’ve created a flowchart to determine if you should call 911.

21 Responses to "A Flowchart To Determine If You Should Call 911"

  1. YouGottaBeShittinMe says:

    Not too bad, but maybe next time make a flow chart that will actually be funny, i dont know, maybe like a flowchart to “Determine if you need to change your underwear or quit drinking” let’s say; A night out drinkin white russians and chasing them down with a few shots of duck farts then stopping at Taco Bell after closing time then passing out while trying to show off your Tony Hawk skills on the XBOX….hmmm underwear or drinking…. Thats a tough one brb gonna go change and grab a beer

  2. Shamsizzle says:

    This is the type of stuff you would find in a “Mad TV”
    I didnt like this flow chart at all

  3. searacer says:

    I would change her oil no problem.

  4. agreed says:

    I fap’d to it.

  5. mystery man says:

    they better not take my crack!!!!!

  6. 123 says:

    these flowcharts are awesome

  7. MrKillson says:

    Gotta agree with dan. This is that worst one I have seen yet.

  8. dantussy says:

    i do too….except for this one

  9. LeVar Burton says:

    Fuck you, dantussy

  10. HB says:

    If this were a poster, I’d buy it in a heartbeat…

  11. Dick Tucker says:

    If this were a sloppy wet fart, it’d happen in my underwear

  12. Lucy says:

    Alter 911 if you see this woman = http://www.filthyrichmond.com

  13. Fringe says:

    I love these flowcharts

  14. swordfish1174 says:

    Come on now a flow chart for this… lol lmao lol I can not believe that someone would need one of these to use in case of an emergency. But you know now a days many actually might who knows I think it is to funny, when we were kids it was simple something happens get the eck out of there lol. But now a day no child left behind law I understand why some might need it. http://www.rainbowofluv.com

  15. Anonymousasdfasdfasdf says:

    Is someone dead or in danger of dying?
    Are you too drunk to drive to the hospital?
    Do you have any illegal drugs in your possession?
    You should DEFINITELY dial 911.

    apparently you fucked up this chart.
    try harder next time.

  16. HORSEDICK.M-PEG says:

    ur an idiot this is in a emergency scenario not just if something normal is happening like if something bad is going on should you call yea you should call its not illegal to be drunk so i see no problem with that one fucktard

  17. Bob says:

    This flowchart isn’t too bad, but it is riddled with flaws.

    I find it odd that you should call 911 if you are drunk, even if nobody is in danger of dying. If somebody is dying, and you would decline to call 911 because you have a warrant for your arrest, I don’t see why you would call 911 if somebody wasn’t dying. The same goes for it being your fault, or being an accident.

    If somebody is dead and it is really obvious (brains splattered, or the body is growing fungus) that is not a time to call 911. That is the time to call the coroner.

  18. Anan says:

    So… If nobody is dead or dying and I’m too drunk to drive, I should call 911? … Should I wait for an emergency to happen first?

  19. HORSEDICK.M-PEG says:

    read the fucking intro asstard it says you already are in a emergency situation and this is how u deal with it

  20. Best says:

    So a minority should never call 911? Even if someone is dying?

    I am all for jokes, but this flow chart is a lawsuit WAITING to happen. I mean this IS America. People sue for far less!


    Daily deals, free stuff and more at http://www.bestpriceonit.com

  21. HORSEDICK.M-PEG says:

    only if its a accident because he will get blamed just let someone else deal with it