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A Flowchart to Determine What Religion You Should Follow

 Flowcharts are a great way to make sense out of confusing scenarios, and there’s no scenario that’s more confusing than trying to figure out what religion you should follow.  That’s why we’ve created this helpful flowchart to guide you through the process:
 

145 Responses to "A Flowchart to Determine What Religion You Should Follow"

  1. stk says:

    Making the rounds on twitter. This is very funny and good – thanks!

  2. Pew Pew LAsers says:

    Just sayin Buddhists don’t have gods so your chart is fucking terrible. Thats all

  3. chocoloco says:

    And the goal of Buddhism is to NOT be reincarnated…

  4. Sam says:

    buddhists don’t worship any gods.

  5. Corey says:

    Buddhism doesn’t have any gods… And it has Indian roots, not Chinese. I’m unsure how the person who made this even had the know-how to put together a flow chart in the first place given their gross misunderstanding of the included faiths.

  6. Ex-mormon says:

    Really the Jahova’s Witness and Mormons should be separated from regular Christians by asking “Like door to door missionary work?”

  7. CriticalThinker says:

    “Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man … living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs MONEY!!”

    Any of the religions that have a ‘hell’ i could never believe in. Like i’m supposed to be good out of fear? Buddhism and Hinduism is kinda cool with the reincarnation, but c’mon, its kind of too goofy dont you think?

  8. random dick says:

    hahahahaha, funny ass flowchart! If you were offended by this, pull the stick out of your ass and take a wiff. your shit stank too
    -amen

  9. Another Ex-Mormon says:

    Actually, Mormons should be listed with the polytheists since they believe in more than one god.

  10. Asshole says:

    hey guess what BUDDHISM ISN’T A RELIGION! For fuck’s sake cocksuckers! Get a fuckin’ clue and learn to laugh at urself, cause GOD KNOWS everyone else is! Fuck God, fuck religion and fuck narrow minded sheep who need to turn to a mythical figure/s for salvation and approval instead taking accountability for your own actions. Bring on Armageddon so we can single handedly rid the world of the majority of you fuck wits and try start this species over again. Good post though ;)

  11. FrBrian says:

    You obviously need to broaden your religious experience if you think all Christians are like what you describe.

  12. xargs says:

    Buddhism is atheistic actually, no god or gods.

  13. Asshole says:

    really? how bout telling us something the other 50 dickheads before you haven’t said?

  14. Awesome joe says:

    This flowchart is gayer than 9 guys doin’ 10 guys. Atheists are just losers anyway. They are mostly gay or at least fag-lovers. But hey, at least they’re not black or jewish. . . cause then they would automatically go to hell hahaha

  15. Wofwj says:

    WTF? some dude made a hilarious flow chart and you all resist bastards are mouthing off showing how ignorant and retarded you are. This was made for humor and not as factual information about any of the religions. Laugh and shut the fuck up!

  16. Asshole says:

    HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK DICKS

  17. !? says:

    It’s COCKS you dumbass.

  18. siphilis heads on this forum says:

    The flow chart is funny. But unfortunately, all funny-ness has ended there.

    Most of the posters on this blog, are moronic, not funny, mentally handicapped, unsafe people, with mental disturbances. Even if you do think your funny, your really not, believe it. The funniest thing of all, is that people who make racist one liners, are pathetic, trying to get a rise out of people, eating off people’s emotions, hiding in their own little anonymous pathetic cyber blog world, with nothing better to do than fuck around with people’s heads. Know what – your head fucked. Do you know what that means – that you have siphilis on your brain, because the dicks you have in your heads, like Adolf Hitlers dick, had siphilis all over them, and your decaying brains make the worst of calls. So like Adolf Hitler did at the end of his war, why not end your miserable existence in a pathetic state shitting your pants, cos you know the enemy will hunt you down and slay you mercilessly, and let the rest of us enjoy a funny flow chart, without degenerating into moronic, garbage siphilis on your brain comment. Nuff said siphilis heads…

  19. syphilis heads on this forum says:

    The flow chart is funny. But unfortunately, all funny-ness has ended there.

    Most of the posters on this blog, are moronic, not funny, mentally handicapped, unsafe people, with mental disturbances. Even if you do think your funny, your really not, believe it. The funniest thing of all, is that people who make racist one liners, are pathetic, trying to get a rise out of people, eating off people’s emotions, hiding in their own little anonymous pathetic cyber blog world, with nothing better to do than fuck around with people’s heads. Know what – your head fucked. Do you know what that means – that you have syphilis on your brain, because the dicks you have in your heads, like Adolf Hitlers dick, had syphilis all over them, and your decaying brains make the worst of calls. So like Adolf Hitler did at the end of his war, why not end your miserable existence in a pathetic state shitting your pants, cos you know the enemy will hunt you down mercilessly, and let the rest of us enjoy a funny flow chart, without degenerating into moronic, garbage siphilis on your brain comments. Nuff said siphilis heads… you suck dicks. As a final comment, people with syphilis on their brains, hate anyone because of their race, religion, culture, or are just plain fucked up in the head, and have infected brains… and have delusion complexes… which makes them write on blogs to wage their mythical war of race or religion….

  20. creeps says:

    Just goes to show you how some morons can take a perfectly good joke, poking good natured fun at pretty much ALL faiths and turn it into a) an uptight defence of their religion or b) an excuse for hateful, racist, anti-semitic ramblings.

    Most of the comments here just ruined a good joke. ASSHOLES.

  21. Anonimous says:

    I thought these comments were funnier than the flowchart :)

  22. PIE says:

    This is stupid

  23. dickweed says:

    george carlin

  24. bass-baritone reached says:

    nothing like posting twice when trying to call people out. i heard that might be one of the signs of syphilis …

  25. Maximo says:

    I agree. The comments are funnier than the chart!

  26. Tehehe says:

    What if you F*cking love Bacon AND Hummus????

  27. Will says:

    This documentary may help you find God…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4giBr3XFtzI

  28. someone says:

    Not all buddhists believe in reincarnation.
    They have freedom of thinking.

    And that’s not religion, that’s christianity.
    But is almost like some other religions.

  29. Anonymoose says:

    Hey now, you’re not really being fair to the mentally handicapped and mentally disturbed. They are mostly just nice people who happen to be retarded or mentally ill. These guys are just 14 year old self-hating closet gays that have to resort to comedy website comment boards in order to validate themselves. Two totally different things there, really.

  30. Anonymoose says:

    agreed, this chart is BULLSHIT!

  31. I R Guy says:

    come on people, everyone knows pastafarianism is the only true religion, the flying spaghetti monster sees all and changes any test results saying the world is old

  32. Donald (theydidntjust.com) says:

    They didn’t just sum up religion did they? http://www.theydidntjust.com

    -Donald

  33. slickfiddi says:

    I think this would have been a lot funnier if it wasn’t ridiculously uninformed but I guess that is the hallmark of arrogant not-so-bright-but-think-they-are wannabe intellectuals. For the record, I am an atheist but being an atheist doesn’t mean you automatically get bumped into the smart group of humans. Whether the arrogance and ethnocentrism was for effect I don’t know but for the author’s sake I hope so.

  34. Anonymously says:

    Funny but this sadly made me think about what to believe/pray in again. Given true freedom of choice most humans pray to something (and that is something I do not really believe in, as most actions and events can be scientifically proven that we are a product of natures choice, not our own, nurturing by other forces and coincidence is not human choice). It should be easy to choose right from wrong without assistance from any higher power. For the sake of humanity, science ethics and moral guidance are far more important ‘choices’ than religion and blind belief in my book but each to his own. Make love not war – but always with condoms! x

  35. Munim says:

    hehehehe.
    And surprisingly, not that offensive! Good one.

  36. Fi says:

    *groan* Oh, please. It’s called the trinity. By your argument, all Christians are polytheists. If you’re REALLY an ex-Mormon, you didn’t pay much attention in church.

  37. Fi says:

    Guys, it’s just a joke. They made fun of my underwear. If I can still laugh, so can you!

  38. lilmissamber says:

    Buddhism doesn’t have any goods… its a lifestyle not a religon

  39. A Mormon with non-magical underwear says:

    Fi: are you LDS?

    you could technically say Mormons believe in more than one God in the sense that God had an origin right?
    But yeah, the Trinity isn’t “more than one God”.

    Cheers

  40. Mr. Mackey says:

    Kids, this was supposed to be a joke flowchart, not a spiritual guide. All you grammar nazis and religious zealots should back away from teh computerz and have some warm milk. And just because the website has the word “Holy” in its name doesn’t make it religious, mmkay?

  41. I hate everybody equal says:

    There has to be a God..

    and he made black smell bad..

    The Reason you ask?

    Thats so blind people can hate them also!

  42. Jorge says:

    Kosher laws are older than Islamic diets so you get to be Jewish by order of precedent. :D

  43. Jorge says:

    The FSM rocks! Personally I am rather fond of the IPU myself.

  44. NiggaToe says:

    We all be a hatin’ that ape odor. Or maybe they don’t wipe they
    azz.

  45. The Todd says:

    Sobering Comment HIGH FIVE!

  46. The Todd says:

    Pink Unicorn HIGH FIVE!

  47. SuxAssMormonBitches says:

    Mormons should be separated from society because they are unfit to breath the same air as the rest of us. Eat shit and die mor(m)on scum!

  48. SuxAssMormonBitches says:

    All mor(m)ons have syphilis.

  49. Anonymous12435678 says:

    It’s mighty difficult to find a chicken that’s willing.

  50. Christian Alexander Tietgen says:

    Mine is “You should just be a boring, generic Christian then.” What a coincidence, my name is Christian, how generic…

  51. Nii says:

    Completely wrong! Buddhism comes from India and has no gods! What made you think that normal Christians aren’t annoying? The placement of Wiccan seems off as well.

  52. Takashi Akashi Takahashi says:

    You should have “Do you love to get smashed every Sunday?” You know, for us Catholics.

  53. Fuzzy Dunlop says:

    Catholics? I thought you slants were like Buddhist or some shit.

  54. someone says:

    Racist ignorant asshole.

  55. Bacon, Eh? says:

    Thanks, Sugar-tits! it is nice to see other people found this JOKE funny =D

  56. sugartits says:

    wow I’m going to guess that no one else who has commented here (except the person posing at Hitler commenting from Hell) has a sense of fucking humor. For crying out loud IT IS NOT A REAL FLOW CHART INTENDED TO HELP YOU MAKE A DECISION, it’s a fucking JOKE.

    By the way, this is hilarious and I thank you.

  57. Anonygb says:

    i had to wipe my keyboard after seeing this flowchart….

  58. maricamp2 says:

    THANK YOU!

  59. Anonymoes says:

    muslims have their foreskins removed too..

  60. boham says:

    Muslim’s don’t eat bacon and humm so better be others

  61. Diaryboy says:

    Gain favor with Satan! = http://bit.ly/2ClqOO

  62. kt says:

    atheism is not a religion

  63. Atheist says:

    Atheism is the belief that there is no god. Belief=religion. Now agnosticism is not a religion but they are quite different…

  64. Anonymiss says:

    Oh God, shut up.

  65. Jose says:

    Atheist:

    So if atheism is the “belief” that there is no God, and belief=religion, then atheism is the “religion” that there is no God.

    your logic, not mine.

  66. Oh wow. says:

    “atheist” is wrong. Atheism is NOT a belief of any kind, its the lack of a belief. Therefore, not a religion.

    Its not that hard to understand people!

  67. Keith says:

    If atheism is a religion then bald is a hair color.

  68. Mister A says:

    Actually “bald” is a hair colour. Think “bald eagle” = white headed eagle. Check out any good dictionary.
    And that is a good place to check out “atheism”. Any “ism” is the belief or philosophy or system espousing a particular beleif. If one thinks there is no god, and acts on that assumption they are living out their worldview, and probably doing so “religiously” otherwise neither they nor anyone else would know they held those beliefs.
    My dictionary says that atheism is a “disbelief in the existence of God, (or gods)” A disbelief is nevertheless a belief. “Belief” the dictionary says is “a firm opinion or conviction, an acceptance, etc.

  69. Your mama says:

    Atheism is just the lack of belief in a god. Atheist = non-believer.

    Sure, you can call a lack of belief a belief, but that just sounds silly.

    It is interesting how religious people often want to group atheists into their ‘believer’ category.

    What do we call someone that lacks a belief in Santa?

    People, let’s just all get along. :) Try to be kind and tolerant of others. It should not matter if your neighbor is a Christian, atheist, Pagan, Pastafarian, Muslim or Jew.

  70. Macsen Wledig says:

    Atheism is the firm belief that there is no God. Agnosticism is someone who has no firm belief in anything. Just so we’re clear.

  71. Macsen Wledig says:

    Agnosticism is just the lack of belief in a god. Agnostic = non-believer.

  72. Serious agnostic says:

    @Macsen:
    That is not true. You better read up on your statement:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agnosticism

    I cite:
    “the view that the question of the existence or nonexistence of a deity or deities and the nature of ultimate reality is unknowable by reason of our natural inability to verify any experience with anything but another subjective experience. A strong agnostic would say, “I cannot know whether a deity exists or not, and neither can you.” “

  73. Quaker says:

    STRONG Belief is biologicaly the same as fact in the recesses of the human mind. Try to convince someone who fervently believes something that their fact is wrong and it doesn’t compute in their minds. They must discover a greater truth in their own good time.

  74. Wrath! says:

    I have nothing against Atheists or Theists… but death to the grammar nazis!

  75. Confused says:

    Grammar Nazis? I only saw definitions be nitpicked in this thread, there was nothing mentioned about grammar. Someone needs to bone up on 8th grade English.

  76. Mad balding style says:

    dear kieth, bald is not a hair color, but it is a hair style. in my eyes, we can compare balds to athiests, catholics to wavy hair and jews to the jew fro

  77. Anonymous123 says:

    I’m no atheist there just simply is no god(s).

  78. igloo01 says:

    who cares if atheism is a belief. a belief doesnt = a religon. why is everyone hung up over the word belief? i believe im wearing cool shoes. does that mean my shoes are religious?

    christians just like to say that atheism is a religion because it comforts them to think that religion is an unavoidable part of being human. that means that as soon as a child becomes old enough to form any opinion about religions, they then have a religion of some sort. thats stupid.

    im an atheist therefore i dont believe in religion.

  79. Faith says:

    It takes more faith to believe there is not a God then it does to believe there is one.

  80. Vishnu says:

    and Hinduism is monotheistic. They just say god is to complex to put into any one form, so they have “ton’s of ‘em” but they are all just various manifestations or interpretations of the the various aspects of the one god.

  81. Gerard Butler says:

    Still sounds like polytheism to me. I should know because I played a polytheistic greek dude in 300. 300: Now available on Blue Ray. 300.

  82. Nic says:

    I’m a buddhist and I don’t believe in god.

  83. Bruno The Gatheist says:

    I’m gay. Why would I believe in someone who hates me?

  84. Jorge says:

    Vishnu:
    I think a majority of Hindus understand this but still have “favorite” forms of God so in a sense they do worship many somewhat like Catholics worship many saints knowing their is only one real power in their Heaven.

    PS: Some Native Americans say “All gods are one god”.

    Nic:

    The Buddhists I know view the Universe itself as the ultimate power so in a lot of ways that makes them monotheistic.

    Bruno:

    You’re falling into the arrogant trap that the only definition of God is the NeoCon/Fundamentalist/Evangelical Christian definition. That’s very narrow minded and limiting of you.

    There are many Jews who believe in (essentially) the same God and yet they couldn’t give a rat’s butt if you are gay. Many Bible/Torah scholars are convinced that King David himself was bisexual.

    There are also many more liberal Christians who are happy to fully accept gays (look at some of the Episcopals) and believe if you are gay then God made you that way and that is the way you are supposed to be by design.

    Finally, many of the pagan gods and goddesses not only accept gays, some of them ARE gay or bisexual according to their historic mythologies.

    The word “God” does not exclusively/automatically mean “Big Mean Dad of Jesus” even a little bit. Open your mind.

  85. Carlin says:

    To Bruno, who says, “I’m gay. Why would I believe in someone who hates me?”: Why have such a narrow view of yourself? You are not merely “gay”, you a human being, created in the image of God. He doesn’t hate you – he loves you, and Jesus Christ died so that you could be freed from the sins that keep you tied down, and elevated to the status of a child of God and an inheritor of eternal life. If that isn’t good news, I don’t know what is! Peace and love my good man!

  86. jewish guy hater says:

    do you like to steal from people?

    do you like to call yourself the chosen?

    do you like to push your shady agenda on other nations?

    do you like to rape 13 year old girls and justify it on the suffering of the holocaust?

    are you a die hard fan of roman polansky?

    do you think bernard madoff is innocent?

    you must be a fucking low life jew

  87. i agree says:

    i agree, most jews are fucking criminals, the worst kind, christians might make war on brown people based on lies but at least they are honest about it, muslims are honest too, if they hate you they say it in front of you

    but not fucking jews, they pretend to be your friend and then they stab you in the back

    check out the “USS Liberty incident”

    israel deliberately bombed an american navy ship

    also check out “the lavonn affair”

    mother fucking jews

  88. Gotta be says:

    sieg heil you sheep fucking racist assholes. eat shit and die you ignorant fucks. the world would be a better place if both of you lip locked the end of a gun and pulled the trigger. do that if you can find enough time out of your busy day of crazy internet conspiracy theories, playing with your own shit, and goose stepping around your parents basement in high heels, a bra and a flashlight shoved up your ass.
    love, adolf
    ps
    Im busy getting a pineapple shoved up my rectum in hell now, but we will chat soon i hope!

  89. Laama says:

    I think jews, christians, and people of all religion can agree that negroes are the worst.

  90. DamnitJeff says:

    Oh, fucks sake…

  91. cttnpckn says:

    YEA f*cks sake- damn it. These people are such a-holes anyway. and they think they’re better.

  92. you people make me sad for humanity says:

    You are a fucking asshole. You can dislike certain people, but you can’t direct your hatred at an entire group of people.
    To the person who hates black people, fuck you too.

  93. Fi says:

    Um, can we get someone to moderate these comments? Because none of this is helpful/healthy.

  94. TROLL DAWL says:

    WIKIPEDIA: In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room or blog, with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional response[1] or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.

    Etymology

    The contemporary use of the term is alleged to have first appeared on the internet in the late 1980s,[3] but the earliest known example is from 1991.[4] It is thought to be a truncation of the phrase trolling for suckers, itself derived from the fishing technique of slowly dragging bait through water, known as trolling. The word also evokes the trolls portrayed in Scandinavian folklore and children’s tales as they are often creatures bent on mischief and wickedness. The verb “troll” originates from Old French “troller”, a hunting term. The noun “troll”, however, comes from the Old Norse word for a mythological monster.[5]

  95. Anonymous12435678 says:

    ^_^ Yay for someone with brains. In their head.

  96. Pew Pew LAsers says:

    Buddhists don’t really have gods

  97. ned flander'smustache says:

    True, Buddhism = nontheistic.

  98. Buddhist says:

    Oh? What about Tara, Avalokiteshvara, Kurukulla, etc?

  99. Tandoori Jones says:

    How about the fact that Buddhism is an Indian religion?

  100. BrunoMCP says:

    No it’s not.
    Although all religions are global and not restricted to an area, Buddhism is probably more popular in China and Japan than in India.
    And most of them don’t believe in Gods.

  101. Danimal says:

    It may be more popular in China and Japan, but it started in India and then made it’s way to China, then Japan….

  102. Jorge says:

    That is like saying Christianity is an Israeli religion just because it started in that part of the world. It’s traditions are India based but it has grown beyond national boundaries.

  103. Daoist Guy says:

    not to nit pick, but Buddhism doesn’t have any gods, i believe the religion you were going for is Daoism(also spelled Taoism), religious Daoism(my religion) has the most deities of any currently practiced world religion and is a native Chinese religion.

  104. Moe Lester says:

    O’Doyle Rules!!!

  105. O'Doyle says:

    O’Doyle Rules!

  106. Nathan Bedford Forrest says:

    I believe in Samboism.The worship of the nigger god of free food, free housing, white poontang, and the eternal supply of wealth from checks arriving in the mail. To deny worship is to brand oneself a closed minded bigot deserving of ridicule and mugging. The sacraments are malt liquor consumption, opposition to all man made laws, and looting color TV’s. There are no sacred texts because education is frowned upon. Worship through tribal gyrations and anal animal copulation is encouraged. Stupidity, degradation, slothfulness, and devolution of human traits are fruits of the spirit. Known as a branch of Obamation.

  107. NiggaToe says:

    Is the busted watermelon a religous icon?

  108. jewish co-conspirator in global conspiracy of conspiracies says:

    jews eat plenty of hummus. in israel if you don’t eat hummus you’re considered a freak of nature.

  109. The Educated Negress says:

    I happen to be a nigger, have never heard of Samboism, do not believe God is black, have to pay for my food, pay a ridiculous amount of rent every month, love white AND black dick because I’m mixed and can love whatever color I choose, and could only WISH I had an eternal supply of wealth arriving in my mail, rather than an endless supply of bills. I don’t drink malt liquor, or any liquor at all for that matter, I have no opposition to law and am actually going to school to be a lawyer, and I bought my color TV, so there was no need to loot. My education means more than the world to me. I do not tribally gyrate and I am set against beastiality. I’m not stupid, I don’t degrade, I’m not lazy, and my human traits are in no way devolved. I hate Obama, fried chicken, Kool-Aid, and watermelon. Does this mean I go against the grain?

  110. bereave esperanza says:

    Maybe. How much junk you got in your trunk?

  111. <3me and hate me says:

    Come on now. All of you white, small dicked faggots on here REALLY wish you were faggots. We make more money, are hotter and can actually make girls cum compared to you.
    The nigger Jew hate is awesome. I hate all people. White crackers with their honky-tonk, niggers with their “I’m a king/queen” bullshit, Mexicans for let’s fuck without condoms and everything in between. Everyone hates everyone.
    The one solution: stop fucking breeding you trailer trash pieces of shit that hate minorities for working for less pay than you. Go rape/murder/molest your daughter.
    There are more WHITE rapists, serial killers, murders, pedophiles in the world than all races put together. And there are LESS of them.
    If you are white, you’re automatically going to hell because God’s a big faggot. No god could make this world as beautiful as it is, minus people, without being queer.

    Long live the GAYS!!
    Now go to Africa and get AIDS or live in the midwest you fucking breeders and spread dirty, disugusting STD’s.
    Fucking make me sick.

  112. Amos Moses says:

    your are a fucktard

  113. Amos Moses says:

    Jews like Hummus

  114. R.Sajan says:

    Hinduism has no God or gods. Vishnu etc are only Devas; and Devas are only a species like humans and animals. These Devas have been delegated various duties to manage the universe.

  115. Chickwholovestosmokepole says:

    I’m just going to put it out there that the flow chart is pretty funny, but the fucking retarded comments below it are hilarious!

  116. Kennydiesalot says:

    I just mostly miss my foreskin. That’s a belief

  117. that guy says:

    Anyone else have a problem that they suggested Chinese takeout is associated with Buddhism when Buddhism originated in India? What about Taoism?

  118. Gentian says:

    Hilarious – but you left out the “None of the above” option at the top, followed by the “How important is it to you that other people are PC?” question that leads to [Don't Care] Taoists and [I devote my LIFE to this!] Unitarians . . .

  119. 80ist says:

    Atheism is a lifestyle without religion in it. Atheists live without gods (versus “believing” there are no gods like some of u claim).
    All gods are manmade by freeloaders who want to control the mind, purse and sexuality of the gullible. All religions function the same way: men on top telling the women at the bottom to do the dirty work.

  120. Leon Rover says:

    Very old English Joke:

    Oh, so you call your dog Roger Bacon?

    Yes.

    Hmmmm… Why?

    ‘Cos he loves F..king Pigs.

    ?? That the same as F..king loves Pigs ?? If so what religion should the dog choose?

    ( Any sirius religon, since he gotta follow his star!)

  121. TruAtheist says:

    Atheism is not a belief, it is the lack of a belief.

  122. HamSandwichAficianado says:

    I only take issue with one thing on this chart: Judaism and a love of hummus being mutually exclusive. Citation: You Don’t Mess with the Zohan. Oh, and Israeli cuisine in general. The great Hummus Pipeline runs right under Haifa. Look it up.

  123. bill dauterive says:

    what about us deists? guess we’re just sooooo 18th century.

  124. Tina says:

    Oy freakin’ vey, this is supposed to be funny. The flowchart is a riot. Why get serious? Bigots are so boring and lack a sense of humor so why don’t you guys go to a white supremist rally, get drunk, eat chili, burp and fart your way to “white salvation,” shoot yourselves in the head and leave the rest of us humans alone.

  125. SHO says:

    All wrong on the hummus. You should change it to drinking wine. Works for most everyone but sufis.

  126. Geo says:

    Amazing how quickly any discussion on religion turns into mudslinging and ugly abuse. THAT’S why it’s so bad for the planet. Faith is only needed where there is no good evidence, no good reason. Stop believing things with no evidence – only trust things with good evidence. And don’t live your life by “holy” books from the Bronze/Iron Ages. Any god who would utter words like Ezekiel 5:10 “I will make you eat your own children, and children eat their own parents” – is not a god at all but a fantasy of evil, manipulative scribes.

  127. Anonymous says:

    Jews also eat hummus. Lots of it, actually.

  128. that Atheist from around the corner says:

    what if i f**king love hummus and bacon but i dont believe in god =P

  129. Mr. Oy Vey! The Jew says:

    Jew Love hummus too!

  130. Marcelle says:

    No comment.

  131. MuthaJones says:

    The flow chart is funny! The comments are even funnier!

  132. When you see something funny you laugh says:

    What we need is a flow chart detailing what happened to people’s sense of humor.

    The chart is hysterical

  133. where the white women at? says:

    Nathan Bedford Forrest and other Americans racists,

    Why say things on a blog that started out as a really well-constructed joke about religion that you would not dare say in your everyday life for fear of some “inferior” black man sending you to the hospital, fucking coward.

    Not so inferior when we are beating the shit out of you are we? You can project what ever image you want to to people who live elsewhere, but here in the states the “Niggers” are taking over everything!, you stupid fucking hillbilly.
    In America you are all afraid of the “Niggers”.

    You totally forgot to add that we also absolutely dominate all physical activities, and sports (including pleasuring you wives, mothers, and freaky little text-messaging sisters), we have laid the foundation for all forms of your modern music, are the sole reason that you HAD an economic system before you greedy, ignorant, self-loving pricks ruined it all.

    No, I’m not talking about just the physical labor part you fucking toothless bumpkin, I’m referring to the inventions like Automatic Traffic Signal (1923), Open Heart Surgery (1893), Elevator (1888),Blood Banks (1940), Gas Mask (1914), Microcomputer system with bus control means for peripheral processing devices (1984),Mechanical Seed Planter (1834), Mechanical Corn Harvester (1836). Yeah “Niggers” made all of that! Ignorant Bastard.

    Add to this that we have demonstrated an uncanny ability to not only learn everything that you know, but to then also EASILY surpass you in all areas of learning into which we choose to venture “AT WILL”.

    To top it all off, in our GOD-like long-suffering we still try and get past what we have all always known to be the hurts inflicted upon us by a people so fiendishly-stupid, and lacking in even basic human common sense or decency toward others that if there is a GOD as some people say, he could not have made a YOU.

    So don’t be so hateful to us brown people, ans in the mean time you get yourself on to work now so that your wife or girl-friend (or mother) can use your earnings to buy her soon-to-be brown-skinned, well-endowed lover some nice shiny toys, BII-OTCH!!!

    Peace be upon little Abir Al-Jannabi and her family.

  134. Adam says:

    Seems to me like some like stirring the pot, others like adding ingredients and others like eating the product plus the miserable few who would rather add poison than help.

    We ALL come from about 2,000 people 60,000 years ago – DNA does not lie.
    Everyone is a cousin. Face facts, build a bridge and enjoy a good joke people.

  135. anonymous! says:

    Christians are the most annoying out of any of these.

  136. Whatever says:

    Is atheism is a religion, then “nonregistered voters” are a political party.

  137. Don't hate says:

    Hey “Sugartits”,
    There has been countless wars over religons and even though some jokes can be funny, you have to watch it. People can get really offended when you go against their entire belief system like they did above. Now, for all of you guys above, dont hate in general. If you aren’t all right with some religons or races, don’t say so. No one will think you are a coward for not saying how you feel, and also, get to know these people you accuse so much.. I am a Scientologist and my way of life has been greatly judged by a lot of people who won’t take the time to get to know us. My old school bus was torched and my friends and I attacked by mysterious threatening callers which is hard when your 13. Even though I could judge other religons because they hate on my beliefs, I’ve been on the other side of the line, and its not pretty, so just think before you discriminate, because most people can be not what you expect :)

  138. Lakers Fan says:

    Every religion is bullshit. Kobe Bryant is the only true god

  139. Christian Thompson says:

    One part confused me owning a black cat doesn’t prove if your Wiccan or Buddhist.

  140. Anonymos Buddhist says:

    Um, a few things: 1 Buddhists don’t believe in any gods. 2. Buddhism is an INDIAN religion.

  141. Anonymous1 says:

    Buddhist do not worship any god. They do not believe in god.

  142. masu says:

    Very inspiring ;) Created an Adobe Flex 4 application based on your Flowchart. You can find the Flex app on Google Code: http://code.google.com/p/masuland/wiki/ReligionChooser

    Cheers,
    masu

  143. Kimberly says:

    To igloo01 :
    I am a Christian who believes in the word religion (or being religious) being used to much in our society. To me you can be religious in any thing you do… You can religiously clean your house however that has nothing to do with my views towards God.