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A Flowchart to Determing if You’re Going to Have Sex on this Date

When you’re out on a date, it’s hard to avoid wondering whether or not the night is going to end with you having sex.  With that in mind, we’ve created this handy flowchart to help you determine whether or not your going to have sex at the end of your date:

115 Responses to "A Flowchart to Determing if You’re Going to Have Sex on this Date"

  1. peter Sieper says:

    nerdrage! nice one made me LOL

  2. Someone says:

    These comments are more hilarious then the flowchart.

  3. Jake Blizer says:

    This one time I had sex but it was with a rabbit.
    I broke its neck eventually.


  4. KFF says:

    Simpsons did it.

  5. Jasonstores says:

    Haha, good 1, but i get laid just about every night, i have 4 dating sites with 63 woman in my networks, i receive at least 10-15 emails a night asking for sex. The key is to have portfolio of dating sites and different minded ladies, its cheaper and easier than wasting money at time and clubs.

    Check out http://adultdatingsitesonline.com and pick a few dating sites that suits you. They Also have Sex Enhancer that you will need, Hustler, Penthouse, Adult cartoons and comics.

  6. Owen says:

    *IF* you wake up.

  7. Shamso says:

    Heloo how r u?

  8. Name, What Name? says:

    Date rape is so funny! Hahaha!

  9. vazquez says:

    it depends if she is married to you

  10. Miserable says:

    They should also add a line that says Married? Yes will point to You are not having sex tonight.

  11. Cali says:

    Well unless you wanna drag her…if she can stand up more than likely she won’t puke on you, and will atleast be able to make it to the bathroom.

  12. Cali says:

    No no no its not rape, its planned. And if your drunk be careful it could be a nasty sight when you wake up.

  13. arkbri says:

    Why does she still have to be able to stand up??

  14. claire felterham says:

    Reminds me of the ninjas and pirates for some reason…


  15. pablo says:

    dood, that is so gay *PUKING*

  16. rahul says:

    heloo how r u.

  17. hithar says:

    I laughed because this is so true.

  18. Briana says:

    Well, we haven’t figured out how to send you real ones, so the virtual ones will have to do!

  19. Hamster says:

    to ^: you mean like you?

  20. Percival Taggart says:

    What if *I’m* drunk? That’s gotta even things out.

  21. Lazlo Toth says:

    The comedy value comes from the fact that so many of you losers actually live like this.

  22. bilboschwaggins says:

    Also, watching this short film called “Hide the Salami” might help answer your questions as well:


  23. hrm says:

    If she’s drunk, it’s rape.

  24. lostpilgrim says:

    awsome love that. should also put if your pasty white your not getting laid. probly tired of pale people by now

  25. Missing path says:

    You forgot to accomodate the manwhores amongst you.

    Is it a gay date –> All paths lead to sex

    It’s good and bad

  26. assramsr1 says:

    …use your own “pointer!”

  27. guido says:

    it’s not gay to have lesbian scissor sex with another man

  28. chupachups says:

    where is the branch that covers rohypnol ? LOL – just joking girls – ow ow ow – stop sending me virtual whacks on the head

  29. supermanlymangunowner says:

    you whip it out , and if she declines you tell her to get the fuck out of the Winnebago

  30. rascal says:

    The whole flow chart boils down to getting her drunk on any type of date will lead to sex

  31. joy says:

    does final question mean that she is having drunk so I can rape?

  32. hugh jardon says:

    If you read this, you are a dick.

    Hi ‘dick’.

  33. bastardfins says:

    if she cant stand up, you just leave her there

  34. Tom Coyle says:

    far out

  35. alex says:


  36. Here is a good one: says:

    Who the fuck cares?

  37. Kenny says:

    It is a paraphrasing for comic effect.

  38. perryman 7:10 says:

    aaannnnd DAN picks up the win

  39. Dan says:

    Actually your both idiots. Enjoy your gay life together, gaylords.

  40. Punn says:

    Actually, it’s a pun.

  41. Jack from London says:

    Nice pseudonym.

  42. Bill Nye, The Rape Guy says:

    This was fucking excellent.

  43. pseudonym says:

    actually its a pseudonym. changing rhyme words doesn’t make it a pun.

  44. Dan II says:

    Actually, Dan doesn’t pick up the win. The word you were looking for was, “you’re,” a contraction of, “you are.” “Your,” indicates possession. Thanks for playing!

  45. anoonymous says:

    no one wins on the internet, passive aggressive spellchecking dick.

  46. Ribbit says:

    Sheep care.

  47. Stormannn says:

    Holy shit? Someone else still plays Killer Instinct?

  48. Moony Anus says:

    I wish the replies still went further to the right.

    Oops, sorry, I fucked up your combo-breaker. Shit.

  49. Carol says:


  50. Mudbutt says:

    … says the guy on the Internet

  51. Get some says:


  52. Jerry says:

    Yeahh.. more like sex with Merry Palmer and her 5 sisters.

  53. lulz says:

    more like palmela handerson

  54. lol says:

    yeah, with hangela

  55. Boom says:


  56. nerdrage says:

    Your* doesn’t* dumbass.*

  57. halogirl says:

    ur hand doesent count dumb ass

  58. AssCream says:

    I had sex once.

  59. Jim says:

    God, I hate the internet.

  60. xyzeta says:

    You mean like warcraft??

  61. sigh says:

    i’m going to make a lot of money, once a write a programme that lets u stab people over the internet

  62. wtf??? says:

    yo everyone who posted a reply i will fuck you all up in a fight stfu see me bitches ill fucking fight u all n fuck u all up sub/ko u name it fucking email me at mlgchamp302@aim.com il fuck you all up u dicknose tighttwat cumstained pussy bitches fucking see me “I was gonna rip his heart out. I’m the best ever. I’m the most brutal and vicious, the most ruthless champion there has ever been. No one can stop me. you bitches is a conqueror? No! your no Alexander! I’m Alexander! I’m the best ever. I’m Sonny Liston. I’m Jack Dempsey. There’s never been anyone like me. I’m from their cloth. There is no one who can match me. My style is impetuous, my defense isimpregnable, and I’m just ferocious. I want his heart! I want to eat his children! Praise be to Allah!

  63. Anono says:

    Your a dumb fucking nigger ‘wtf???’

  64. anny no miss that dumb ass says:

    are you tring to reasurte your man hood through nonseniscal threats that are being deliverd in such a way if no one contacts you you win and if somone does you still think youve one because then you simply harrase them. if you want to get in more fights try fightning a large hispanic family the fighting will never end.

  65. cherry says:

    Hi I’m Cherry please call me at 780 240-5926, I love to chat!!

    And I love to fuck, but I’m not a whore….

  66. The Chimp says:

    With Rosy Palm and her five sisters…
    regardless of what colour you are

  67. Steve McQueen says:

    Cherry’s area code is 780… Edmonton, Alberta. Fat old canadian pussy ya right

  68. mad_mike says:

    Holy shit!!!!! How old are you people?!?!?! 12!!!!! Act your fucking age already you immature twits.

  69. Edna Kidd says:

    Hi..!!! My name is Edna Lopez Kidd , I like to chat and LOVE hooking up after our chat. Call me any time 405-604-1277.
    You will be pleased to know I am a slutty whore.
    Also,my boyfriend uses a bigger dildo in his
    Ass than the one he uses in my nasty
    little tar pit

  70. Edna Kidd says:

    Yep ! ! ! ! Tru Dat . I tapt bofe day lil tar pits …He du takes 1 biga den shes….But at leeeest he suk it clean 4 u win u dun…I wood re-cum-end dem.

  71. asshat says:

    there needs to be one more question on the list, cuz if your going on a date with mad mike’s mother then it will for sure end in a genital jamboree.

    cuz shes a sperm bucket

    and a cum dumpster

    add additional whore references here !
    ! !
    ! !

  72. asshat says:

    aww my arrow didnt show up, how gay like mad mike

  73. Frank says:

    That doesn’t make you a philosopher.

  74. philosoraptor says:

    Are you philosopher? —> YES —> you will spend tonight like you spend every other night: posting completely unnecessary comments on Holy Taco that aren’t even the slightest bit funny.

  75. Kaius says:

    or does it, o how profound i feel enlightened o god brain orgasim…fomaing at mouth.twitch twitch losgin control oof fine moter skilzlifjslfbjvbkbsjbvgkfhmsnmg ,ahv,bcxj,mn

  76. codesoup says:


  77. Bella says:

    Since when are you Edward Cullen??

  78. Boo Radley says:

    What are you talking about?

    Everything in the chart is spelt correctly.

  79. Nik says:

    He means: how to spell her into bed.

  80. fuuuuuhhhhs says:

    whoever wrote this has no idea how to spell

  81. bastardfins says:

    edward cullen?

    doesnt he fuck men?

  82. alex says:

    it’s the subject not the object, it’s *whoever

  83. bloggers are weinies says:

    I see a bunch of stupid bloggers that have nothing better to do with theire time but talk shit.

  84. Miscellaneous Blogger says:

    Who the fuck are you to be question us, The Holy Taco Blogging personnel. You posted too, dumbass.

    Good-job guys. Keep enlightening my late nights with random shit that may or may not be funny. Keep up the good work!

  85. TheTruth says:

    I see a troll posting another attention seeking comment.

  86. Owen says:

    i see a repeat of kill bill vol. 1 happening.
    (no hickies, no punchin’)

  87. not having sex says:

    my girlfriend is in a coma, I’m definitely having sex tonight

  88. gez says:

    that is sick but also very funny

  89. Morrissey says:

    Girlfriend in a coma, I know, it’s really serious. . . .

  90. Anonymous says:

    Angus FTW!!

  91. John Woods says:

    Holy Taco dude that is totally iNSANE!


  92. Angus says:

    There should be a box somewhere in there that says “are you consulting this flowchart during the date?” If so, you are not having sex tonight.

  93. mpjoubert says:


  94. titimma says:

    Oh holly intelligent mind you certainly work hard and done amazing research…….great

  95. Butt Pirate says:


  96. Nice Story Bro says:

    HOLYTACO is on DIGG.COM with this…Congrats HT.

  97. swordfish1174 says:

    once again another flow chart. I like it nice and looks good should we take this chart with us on the first date so we have a step by step instructions on how to know if we will score or not. nice post i like this chart the best of them all. http://www.rainbowofluv.com

  98. OHMYGOODNESS says:

    I would say as long as it is safe sex it is probably alright :) http://bit.ly/39wKrs – Yes even on a first date!

  99. Sub-Zero says:


  100. ThePadrino says:

    Hum basically this means No one could ever get any sex!! nice one


  101. Aiya says:

    I had sex with a guy who I got to know the other day on the day we met.. he bought me a bottle of champaine while I went to the bathroom saying it was the same price as buying a glass wine.

    Had a great time, and had a sex. It was just an affair but he is into me now, although i think it’s not going to last for a long..

    But really, buying chanpaine works, try is you doubt it!

  102. pretty says:


    this is so ehwwwwwwww

    ang pangit nyong lahat

    this is not good!!

    this is really bad habit!!!!

    !!! oh my GOD!!!

  103. someguy says:


  104. asdfs says:


  105. Have Sex says:

    If i have a partner i will have sex!I damn care what the flowchart says!
    Top Ten Mens Sex Secrets. — http://bit.ly/Top-10-men-secrets

  106. Pimka says:

    One piece in the chart is missing:

    Did you hook up through realhornymatches.com?

    Did you vote YES or NO about us being REAL horny matches?

    • YES = You are definitely having sex and wake up with iPad under the pillow.
    • NO = You are definitely having sex and wake up with delicious shameless panties under the pillow.
  107. arvin says:

    What is the software used to make this flowchart?

  108. WORD-SPREADER says:

    FUCK THE FUCKING FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I am spreading the world’s most versatile word of the English tongue

  109. I'm right and you're wrong ha says:

    -Is she drunk?
    -Buy her a drink

    …-Is she drunk?
    -Buy her a drink

    anybody else notice that part? it repeats. ah i love whoever thought of this chart….

    oh and most everybody who commented is an idiot so i win.

  110. me the original says:

    this is sexist as shit. You do know that women have brains, right?
    no? you are obviously a douchebag.
    yes? you are definitely fourteen.
    women will have sex with you if they want to. trying to manipulate someone into doing it is just pathetic.

  111. who cares says:

    Ahh but manipulation is the name of the game and women take it to a far more extreme level than most men do. And brains go right out the window when I good looking dude comes into the equation. Whats pathetic is people who think their above all that actually turn out to be the worst. “personally I think its an excuse for not getting any” So dust the crumbs off your moo moo and go get manipulated.

  112. ifuckedyourmom says:

    fuckers I didnt get laid on prom,but banged some chick who was stalkin me a day after….

  113. promdayoutcast says:

    the prom part is a lie!
    My boyfriend went to a party with a bunch of jerk-off guys! NO SEX that night.

  114. Cewek seksi says:

    HAhahahaha, i agree with this flowchart :)

  115. jesustittyfingchrist says:

    i believe that my favourit part of the taco is all of your brilliant responses to one another