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Flowchart for Losing Your Virginity

Based on our comments section, we’re pretty certain that the majority of our readers are under the age of 15, and that means that a few of you might be losing your virginity soon.  Your first trip to Tunatown can be stressful and confusing, so we’ve created this helpful flowchart to guide you through it:

27 Responses to "Flowchart for Losing Your Virginity"

  1. Anonymousy says:

    Or I could go to your mom, she’s pretty loose but her back door is still fuckable. albeit crusty with dried feces.

  2. A good parent says:

    I’d buy my son a ho as soon as he turns 18 if he is still a virgin no need to put up with all the crap. Then he can be all confident and go fuck a lot of girls for free.

  3. Leslie Edwards says:

    Of course, it also helps if you’re well endowed.

  4. Leslie Edwards says:

    Use the chart, or…convince your older cousin to get you one of the girls he knows to help out. It work especially well if you’re 13/14 and the girl is 19/20. Older girls like helping young males lose their virginity. It’s the start of the “older female, younger male” syndrome.

  5. Jes Jones says:

    OMFG no way dude. Who comes up with this stuff? Priceless!


  6. CosmoKramer says:

    Classic Virgin Coment!!

  7. Jebus says:

    Hebrews 13:4 , “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
    1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 , “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable

  8. King David says:

    I applaud and just want to encourage you for your stanze on marriage. Never be ashamed of professing the word of God! The world and especially the USA is slipping quickly off any semblance of morality. Stand strong in your faith! We will be viewed as the ones who hold on to archaic standards but remember our reward is Heavenly! God Bless.

  9. IS my name says:

    i think that’s spiders, dude

  10. Bucket Headed Monkey says:

    I wonder how many people on this site are actually going to go out in public and use this chart…

  11. Bucket Headed Monkey says:

    …because I already tried and I didn’t have much luck getting out of my home considering my phobia to going outside.

    I suffer from agoraphobia! :(

  12. Anonymous name is anonymus says:

    Sorry for this post :) aisud adasjd dhv dkdvsaldg sdnvbflsdh fnsdbvb fsdnkf ifb wsdhkfvbw8eiu bnsiuhdjf bveugle,jvksd nfsjhj vfuhjfv dskf dvhfj,dfvdfj,

  13. office jerk says:

    “Wine Coolers — No –> Chloroform — Yes –> Have creepy sex, then go to jail.”

    Ample amounts of hot tea burst from my nostrils upon reading this.

    Well done, you cocksuckers, well done indeed.

  14. Fag Advo says:

    Gays don’t need a chart. All they need is to find another nice looking gay= a sure thing.

  15. Fag says:

    This chart doesn’t work if you’re gay :(

  16. Anonymussy says:

    or if you’re into zoophilia! :(

  17. Dwight K. Schrute says:

    I’m a 44 year-old virgin and I don’t think you should be having sex drunk so this chart FAILS monumentally on ethical levels of morality, specially with teen pregnancy on the rise.

  18. Kunta Kin-tay says:

    What ever happend to old fashioned ethinc rape like we do in Africa. My tribe captures virgins and we all share, we then eat them like civilized persons. This chart is shamefull.

  19. pratik says:


    It should go “Give some wine coolers to the girl” —> “She calls you a pansy but bringing weak shit” —> “Feel ashamed”

  20. hahaha says:

    remember this is for kids under fifteen those girl dont know about drinks yet

  21. Chauncey says:

    Rape is not funny.

  22. DonkeyXote says:

    No, it’s not, and it is especially painfull when it’s your own family that does the raping. Also, I love sucking my sequential hermaphrodite sister’s huge schlong!!!

  23. DonkeyXoteâ„¢ says:

    Shit kid, you must have an IQ no higher than room temperature! CONGRATULATIONS!!! You FINALLY figured out how to accurately clone a pseudonym! How many weeks did it take you to crack the obvious, eh?

    And you wonder why I call you a fuckwit!!

  24. No Firstards! says:

    I love how when HT punks the commenters there is never any Firtards! Thanks god

  25. Nephew says:

    My uncle wasnt sleazy he did me a great favor. and after that all i had to do was repay him in mouth sex.

    Hes a God I send him books in jail. To this day.

  26. Anonymussy says:

    Hey speaking of mouth sex, have you ever swallowed a speck of pubes in a cum load? I almost choked coughing that up when my uncle got me to deep throat him!